My Mom's midlife adventure stops me from joining Salesians

[Brother_Justin]

Well all I just wanted you to know that financialy I have decided and so have the Salesians for the most part that I can't join because of my school and personal debt.

This has to due with my parents inability to pay for half of my schooling that they promised to pay. My mother has recently decided at almost 50 years of age to go back to undergrad and grad school. Because my brother and I both have school loans they PROMISED to help pay we are both up diar straights. My parents cant afford anything because of my mothers new manic midlife adventure. Needless to say I am dead in the water.

God's will is better then my own though and I will move on. I am finding a job in the next few days and then I am going to move on to grad school! Probly become a scholar for the Church !

Anyway I just needed to vent because my mom and I just got in a fight over loans and how I didnt appriciate my parents leaving me 100% barried in bills.

Thanks for listening.



Brother Justin <><

 

[Da_Funkey_Gibbon]

Sorry to hear that Justin.



You're an asset to the Church whatever field you end up in. I'm sure God will open more doors in time. He tends to do that.

 

[RoseofLima]

You are going to incur MORE debt??

 

[geocajun]

Alternatively, you could get a job and pay them off yourself. That's what most of us had to do...

 

[Irenaeus]

Justin,

God will have you if he wants you especially for himself. Persevere and he will guide your steps.

(It may also help to get a job if you don't have one already )

You'll be in my prayers!

 

[Brother_Justin]

LOL thank you all for your advice. I am getting a job lol! I will be working Insurance or @ a bank in Des Moines (capital of Iowa).

Rose if I dont go back to school 6,000$ of my loans won't be forgiven. I have a forgivable loan that requires me to go to grad school a year after undergrad. Thus I have made the decision to work and get a Masters of Theology ! My GPA in undergrad was great so I should be able to get a GREAT deal on grad school! I may be able to pull some free rides some places! Either way thank you all for your prayers.


Brother Justin <><

 

[Davidnic]

The Lord will guide.

I don't know the conditions of your forgivable loan but have you thought of something like this:

From the webpage of St. Charles Borromeo Seminary.

In addition to its responsibility for the formation of candidates for the Roman Catholic priesthood, Saint Charles Borromeo Seminary also serves as a center of theological education for laity and religious in the Greater Philadelphia area and around the country.

Its Religious Studies Division conducts evening, summer and online courses on both the graduate and undergraduate levels in:

* Catholic Theology, Sacred Scripture, and related fields
* fully accredited Master of Arts Degree Program

and a variety of courses leading to undergraduate and graduate certificates in

* Catholic Religious Studies
* Youth Ministry
* Liturgical Music & Liturgical Studies
* Pastoral Service with Concentration in Ministry to African-American Catholics
* Catholic Social Ministry
* Catechist Diploma approved by the Roman Congregation for the Clergy

Individualized programs of Continuing Education are also available for qualified participants. All programs are designed to foster greater knowledge and deeper appreciation of the Catholic faith and keener awareness of the religious needs of all men and women.

(link)

This is a seminary in Pennsylvania but some seminaries will do a graduate degree in some areas. So if one near you will (or you are willing to travel) you might be able to go to graduate school at a Catholic seminary as a member of the laity. This is an option in some areas in an effort to have an educated and vital laity.

It depends on what they offer and what you want. But if you need to go to grad school for the one loan to be forgiven, look into something like this if you want. And see if it meets the conditions of the loan. And in some cases the evening graduate classes can help you keep a job and save to pay off the debt.

 

[Brother_Justin]

The Lord will guide.

I don't know the conditions of your forgivable loan but have you thought of something like this:

From the webpage of St. Charles Borromeo Seminary.

In addition to its responsibility for the formation of candidates for the Roman Catholic priesthood, Saint Charles Borromeo Seminary also serves as a center of theological education for laity and religious in the Greater Philadelphia area and around the country.

Its Religious Studies Division conducts evening, summer and online courses on both the graduate and undergraduate levels in:

* Catholic Theology, Sacred Scripture, and related fields
* fully accredited Master of Arts Degree Program

and a variety of courses leading to undergraduate and graduate certificates in

* Catholic Religious Studies
* Youth Ministry
* Liturgical Music & Liturgical Studies
* Pastoral Service with Concentration in Ministry to African-American Catholics
* Catholic Social Ministry
* Catechist Diploma approved by the Roman Congregation for the Clergy

Individualized programs of Continuing Education are also available for qualified participants. All programs are designed to foster greater knowledge and deeper appreciation of the Catholic faith and keener awareness of the religious needs of all men and women.

(link)

This is a seminary in Pennsylvania but some seminaries will do a graduate degree in some areas. So if one near you will (or you are willing to travel) you might be able to go to graduate school at a Catholic seminary as a member of the laity. This is an option in some areas in an effort to have an educated and vital laity.

It depends on what they offer and what you want. But if you need to go to grad school for the one loan to be forgiven, look into something like this if you want. And see if it meets the conditions of the loan. And in some cases the evening graduate classes can help you keep a job and save to pay off the debt.

David thank you very much! This information will help tons!



Brother Justin <><

 

[Irenaeus]

St. Charles Borromeo Seminary operates according to the dioceses' financial policy that sponsor their men. Some dioceses pay for the education of their college and theology men, even though the practice of providing funding for the former is dwindling.

In any case, if you take the burden of a loan upon you and enter Seminary using those funds, and presuming you are ordained a Priest, in many dioceses in the United States, your debt will be assumed in full for all your education costs: theology in some dioceses may even be free.

However, how dioceses handle previous education debts is not something I know...especially if the amount is sizeable. Usually a Seminary will allow a man to do some extra work to reduce their tuition (maybe help in the library, for example), and other groups like the Knights of Columbus are very supportive towards Seminarians.

But since you wanted to be a Salesian, this changes things. If you wanted to be a Diocesan Priest, all the above would apply to you with some adjustments for your particular case.

As for graduate studies in particular, I know at St. Charles it doesn't matter what you had your undergraduate studies in, but you have to go through a Two-Year (for some men it's one year) Pre-Theology program, after which you are allowed into the Theology (Grad) program. However, that's just St. Charles, one of many Seminaries in the country. It really depends on where your sponsoring diocese wants to send you.

Going even further, if you just want to do a lay "religious studies" approach toward getting a Masters in Theology, you can do that at a lot of places, not just at Seminaries like St. Charles.

The general attitude of Seminaries toward seminarians' financial difficulties is that no one should shrink from a call from God due to financial constraints. There are many groups out there that can help you if you feel you are called to the Priesthood. I have a Seminarian friend who came all the way from El Salvador 8 years ago and hasn't seen his family since, and he lives with a religious confraternity under the tutelage of a very good Priest who helps him with everything he needs. When he into the Seminary he hardly spoke any English. The Seminary helped him with that too. So don't worry.

 

[BAFRIEND]

Alternatively, you could get a job and pay them off yourself. That's what most of us had to do...

In all fairness, his parents agreed to pay for half his schooling and he relied on that promise. now he is left holding the bag because his mother thinks it will be an enjoyable experience for herself to go back to school.

In reality she will be an annoying eyesight on the campus... nagging the teachers about trivial things during the lectures, giving the kids hard looks while she listens in uninvited on their conversations, complaining about the parking, and talking about her medical conditions.

Ever consider the monastery ? That is free.

I have a friend who went through seminary and was set to be ordained when he decided he wanted to go into the monastery I was going into. Well, the diocese held his loans and were paying the debt but told him is he was not ordained or left the priesthood he would have to pay the diocese over 75,000 dollars. Well you cannot join the monastery with debt over your head. I left college debt free. In the end I traded my vocation in orde to become a mean mean dude with a chip on his shoulder !

 

[Lynn]

"In reality she will be an annoying eyesight on the campus... nagging the teachers about trivial things during the lectures, giving the kids hard looks while she listens in uninvited on their conversations, complaining about the parking, and talking about her medical conditions."

I hope you're just trying to be funny. I'm sorry that Bro Justin is facing this challenge. But there is nothing wrong with his mother going back to school. I got my Associates at 37, my BSN at 50, and am currently working on my Masters. Don't put her down because she wants to get an education. That's just uncalled for.

lynn

 

[geocajun]

In all fairness, his parents agreed to pay for half his schooling and he relied on that promise. now he is left holding the bag because his mother thinks it will be an enjoyable experience for herself to go back to school.

so what? that makes him no different than the rest of us. It certainly doesn't justify the grudge he is carrying against his mom. He received an education and that's nothing to complain about. Some of us actually had to hold down jobs while going to college and pay for it on our own. Some of us even had kids to feed while we did it.
It isn't his God given right that his mom pay for his college...

In reality she will be an annoying eyesight on the campus... nagging the teachers about trivial things during the lectures, giving the kids hard looks while she listens in uninvited on their conversations, complaining about the parking, and talking about her medical conditions.

And there I was admiring her for trying to improve herself.

 

[geocajun]

"In reality she will be an annoying eyesight on the campus... nagging the teachers about trivial things during the lectures, giving the kids hard looks while she listens in uninvited on their conversations, complaining about the parking, and talking about her medical conditions."

I hope you're just trying to be funny. I'm sorry that Bro Justin is facing this challenge. But there is nothing wrong with his mother going back to school. I got my Associates at 37, my BSN at 50, and am currently working on my Masters. Don't put her down because she wants to get an education. That's just uncalled for.

lynn

way to go Lynn!

 

[BAFRIEND]

There is nothing wrong his mother wanting to back to school. I agree. But there is something wrong when you make a promise to your child and then take it back in order to follow your own desires that happen to be the goals of your own child.

I worked two jobs at one time while attending classes at two different campuses all the while determined to get that piece of paper without owing a dime of debt. I kinew my parents could not afford to help. That was just the way it was.

He planned his goals based on the promise made by his parents to help. If a problem occured where his parents were unable to follow through, then he would understand. But what is standing in the way of his fulfilling his dreams is his mothers foolish desire to fulfill her own fantasys.

His mother is free to do as she wishes, but going back on her word and making her son backstep from an education that would benefit her child more than herself (yes, given her age) is wrong.

 

[BillH]

Brother Justin -- It's a bit of a spot to be in, but if you think that the Salesians are really what God is calling you to, it's really just a speed bump in the grand scheme of things...

1) Honestly: don't go to grad school just to get around a debt forgiveness plan. I work in academia, and I've seen too many students who go to grad school because they just don't know what they want to do with their life, not because they actually have a passion for what they study. In a couple years, they end up miserable, with more debt, and having kicked the fundamental question about what they want to do with their life down the road instead of answering it.

2) You want to be a religious priest? You don't have a wife and kids? There's no reason why you can't start living like one today! With a college degree, you can get a decent job if you apply yourself. Get a cheap apartment, cook your own meals, don't go out too often, don't buy anything you can't afford, and you'll be able to pay off $6000 and then some in a year.

3) I don't have names for you, I fear, but you're not the first religious aspirant who has a college debt problem. There are a handful of Catholic foundations out there that can help you with debt problems if you're looking into the religious life.

4) God doesn't always our petitions with "yes" or "no." Sometimes (often?) the answer is "not yet." He could still be calling you to be a Salesian, He just wants you to spend some more time on discerning your call.

 

[Tigg]

I agree with you, Lynn. Personally, I wish his mom the best - straight A's of course. And I don't believe older students are automatically thought ill of on campus. There are lots of older people going back to get their ed or to switch for other job skills. Altho there are some who just dislike older people. I imagine they don't have to listen or be around them if they don't want to. I have always found older people fascinating as they have so much experience that they can share. My OP only of course.

As to their agreement, that is their affair and I don't propose to know the why's. Could this possibly be something that his parents feel is best for whatever reason? Only his parents can answer that.

There has been a lot of good advice here on this thread. I applaud those who have given it. Learning some other options is great.

-Peace-

 

[Carrye]

4) God doesn't always our petitions with "yes" or "no." Sometimes (often?) the answer is "not yet." He could still be calling you to be a Salesian, He just wants you to spend some more time on discerning your call.

You're right on with that "not yet!" I have personal experience with that, though not in regards to the religious life. It could be that the Lord is testing you to see how faithful you can be to your family and your vocation. How the Lord loves faithfulness! And understand that every challenge is given for your sanctification. Allow those things to fulfill their purpose, and desire only God's will in your life.

 

[Tigg]

Why is it that after Lynn's post, all others including my own are blank? I have to go advanced to see the rest of the posts. Odd and yuck that!

-Spiraling out-
Peace

 

[Lynn]

at one point, one of our sons accused us of using "his" college money. He didn't understand, at the time, that he had actually used it all up. I'm not saying that this is what happened with Bro Justin, just that sometimes misunderstandings happen.

I wish you all best Justin. If God wants you as a priest (and I pray with all my heart that He does) then the path will be made clear. As has been said, there are ways to make it happen, with His help.

lynn

 

[krstlros]

You know Justin, sometimes the road God chooses for us isn't always what we invision for ourselves. Perhaps, as BillH mentioned earlier, this is God's way of telling you "not yet".

Don't be too hard on your Mom for going back to school. Perhaps this is part of a bigger picture that we don't always see.

Be prayerful in this time of waiting for you. Do what you need to do, and if grad school is what you really want to do, then go for it. Don't do it because you "have" to, rather making sure this is what you "want" to do with no resentment or doubt.

God's will isn't easy. We can only ask Him for courage and strength to do it.