Does anyone else find the term offensive?

[PilgrimChild]

I was curious, and stopped by the "Childfree Couples" forum. Now I wish I hadn't.

Does anyone else find this offensive?

Are you aware that we parents are sometimes referred to as "breeders" by childfree people? (Just a disclaimer: I don't know the person who started that thread, and am not criticising them here. This is purely about my own feelings, not the OP of that particular thread.)

I just found the term really offensive, despite the dictionary definition (ie. "procreate, engender") given. What is wrong with the term parent instead of breeder? I find "breeder" derogatory and unwelcoming. I really felt like I wasn't welcome there, despite the "[OPEN]" in the thread title.

It just made me sad, as I am one of those people who doesn't judge couples for not wanting a child. That's their decision, but why should we as parents be termed "breeders" because we decide to have children? The term is primarily use in reference to someone breeding animals!

Really... I do find it offensive, and very hurtful.

 

[HeyHomie]

I can't speak for the OP of the thread in question, but in a general sense:

Some of the more mainstream childfree use the term "breeder" to describe a person who is a bad parent: they don't discipline their kids; they abuse public assistance; they let their kids run wild in movie theaters or restaurants or whatever; they keep popping out kids without regard to how they're going to support them or raise them; or any of a host of other offenses.

We also use the term for people who insult us, bingo us (tell us one of several dozen meaningless platitudes, such as "Who's going to take care of you when you're old," that we've all heard a billion times), or try to make us justify our choices.

The more militant in the childfree community use the term for just about anyone who has children, but it's considered more-or-less a perjorative and so most of us avoid using it.

There are also qualifiers. Someone who is a good parent will be called a PNB ("Parent Not Breeder"), whereas someone who is a bad parent will be called a BNP ("Breeder Not Parent"). For example, my brothers are both PNB's.

Here is a glossary of terms used in the childfree community. Some of them are perjoratives (but that doesn't stop the more militant from using them), whereas others are just clever (my favorite is "baby rabies").

Read that page at your own risk. Many of the terms there are vulgar and insulting. Please don't assume that because some in the community use them, that all of us in the community do (or even share the same feelings behind them).

 

[LivingHope]

I do find it insulting, I wouldnt purposefully insult a person who chose not to have children, just as a matter of respect. Its their life, they can chose how to live it, kwim? I would expect the same respect from someone else also.

where's the love?

 

[psychoceramic]

i agree "breeders" does sound bad, like a term used in a futeristic sci fi movie where there are only a few people left who can have babies. Those people are called breeders and they are always trying to run away so they can be free...but in the end they decide that having babies is not wrong it was the idea of being forced to have them that was wrong.

I quess those who are "child free" and use the term "breeders" believe that in some way we are bowing down to what "society" declares is right and just by having babies.

I also looked up some words that could be used to describe those who don't want to have children...and since they were just as bad and degrading sounding as "breeder" is I decided not to print them.

 

[HeyHomie]

I also looked up some words that could be used to describe those who don't want to have children...and since they were just as bad and degrading sounding as "breeder" is I decided not to print them.

I'd be interested in seeing them. You can PM me if you're afraid they're too vulgar to post.

 

[oliveplants]

I guess we all have our terms.... On a stepparenting forum you will hear the birth mother called "egg donor" or "incubator" or some such; of course a non-involved father is a "sperm donor"...

I went in the childfree area one time, and restrain myself now. That's their place to freely discuss things specific to being childfree. Just like I don't go in the Lutheren forum, or whatever. I'd just get worked up and not be able to say anything about it.

But yeah, I could get grumpy about "breeder" pretty quick. On the other hand, I'm very good at "popping out babies." (I always forget the code for the boucy, laughy, smilie!)

 

[clycleader]

I would be offended if someone called me a breeder. The term breeder to me however means what Homie said, just a person who continually has children and dosen't care for them very well, welfare parents who continue to have kids to support themselves financially etc. I definately don't consider myself or anyone I know on here to be a breeder. It is definately derogatory.
I'm afraid I would call them on it if anyone chose to call me that.

 

[fuzzymel]

Breeder means bad parent. Why get offended unless you are a bad parent? I only call bad parents breeders. Otherwise they are PNB (parents not breeders) and not BNP (breeder not parent)

I have been called far worse for being childfree. I have never called anyone on here a breeder but I do refer to breeders when talking about bad parents.


Just one last thing. I cannot understand why being compared to animals is such a bad thing. I love my animals they are my family. Ever since I was a child I could never understand why being compared to an amazing creature is a bad thing.

 

[GolfingMom]

Breeder means bad parent. Why get offended unless you are a bad parent? I only call bad parents breeders. Otherwise they are PNB (parents not breeders) and not BNP (breeder not parent)

I have been called far worse for being childfree. I have never called anyone on here a breeder but I do refer to breeders when talking about bad parents.


Just one last thing. I cannot understand why being compared to animals is such a bad thing. I love my animals they are my family. Ever since I was a child I could never understand why being compared to an amazing creature is a bad thing.

Remember - I'm not an animal fan

I would find the term 'breeder' offensive if defined as all those who had kids but clearly (as Homie and Fuzzymel have pointed out) it's for those who don't discipline, are bad parents, have no control...I see nothing wrong with it.
I guess I'm used to hearing coworkers (when I worked in corporate America) and school friends call their non participating dad/mom a sperm donor or egg donor...no biggy to me...

 

[jgonz]

CF is not the only forum to have 'childfree' posters, so your 'glossary' isn't used in other places apparently. I Have been called a "breeder" before on another site purely because I have more than 2 children. It Was offensive. It still is.

The term "breeder" is used for animals. I won't be reduced to animal status by someone (especially a Christian!) who chooses not to have children. As Believers we have More responsibility to be kind to one another. I don't see love with terms being used like "breeder".

 

[HeyHomie]

CF is not the only forum to have 'childfree' posters, so your 'glossary' isn't used in other places apparently.

I'm not sure I follow your logic. Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it isn't used. If you want to find a forum that has at least one of those terms in every post, hang out at some childfree message boards.

And it's not "my" glossary. I didn't write it or compile it. Some other guy did. Some guy I've never met and wouldn't know from Adam.

 

[CelticRose]

I find the term innately offensive & even if confined to their own forum it indicates a lack of respect (however unintentional) for those of us actively engaged in training the next generation.

However, a cousin of mine refered to my 'litter' when I had my twins, which we both thought hugely funny, so perhaps it has more to do with context than anything else. I also avoid the childfree forum. It is hardly the place for a quiverful mum to feel at home.

 

[fuzzymel]

I really dont understand why you ladies are assuming we think you are bad parents. Why take offense at something aimed at bad parents?

Maybe you are just ignoring our explainations because you want to be offended.

 

[PilgrimChild]

I can't speak for the OP of the thread in question, but in a general sense:

Some of the more mainstream childfree use the term "breeder" to describe a person who is a bad parent: they don't discipline their kids; they abuse public assistance; they let their kids run wild in movie theaters or restaurants or whatever; they keep popping out kids without regard to how they're going to support them or raise them; or any of a host of other offenses.

We also use the term for people who insult us, bingo us (tell us one of several dozen meaningless platitudes, such as "Who's going to take care of you when you're old," that we've all heard a billion times), or try to make us justify our choices.

The more militant in the childfree community use the term for just about anyone who has children, but it's considered more-or-less a perjorative and so most of us avoid using it.

There are also qualifiers. Someone who is a good parent will be called a PNB ("Parent Not Breeder"), whereas someone who is a bad parent will be called a BNP ("Breeder Not Parent"). For example, my brothers are both PNB's.

Here is a glossary of terms used in the childfree community. Some of them are perjoratives (but that doesn't stop the more militant from using them), whereas others are just clever (my favorite is "baby rabies").

Read that page at your own risk. Many of the terms there are vulgar and insulting. Please don't assume that because some in the community use them, that all of us in the community do (or even share the same feelings behind them).

You know, I really don't feel a need to learn more insulting terms that childfree people call us parents. Thanks, anyway.

I also don't think the OP of the thread I alluded to in my OP meant BAD parents. He/she was talking about generalisations, not parenting skills. What is wrong with referring to someone who either has children or is pregnant, as a "parent" or "pregnant" respectively?

It's about respect, guys. I know the childfree forum is for childfree people, but do you really feel comfortable perpetuating an inherent and underlying disrespect for those who DO decide to have children?

I do find it insulting, I wouldnt purposefully insult a person who chose not to have children, just as a matter of respect. Its their life, they can chose how to live it, kwim? I would expect the same respect from someone else also.

where's the love?

Exactly.

CF is not the only forum to have 'childfree' posters, so your 'glossary' isn't used in other places apparently. I Have been called a "breeder" before on another site purely because I have more than 2 children. It Was offensive. It still is.

The term "breeder" is used for animals. I won't be reduced to animal status by someone (especially a Christian!) who chooses not to have children. As Believers we have More responsibility to be kind to one another. I don't see love with terms being used like "breeder".

I take offense at being aligned with animal breeders too. My child is NOT an animal, and I did not 'breed' her. I nurtured her for nearly 10 months (overdue!), and am, as the Bible says, "training a child in the way he should go".

Sure, animals might be cute, fuzzy, warm and loyal, but they don't even come close to children. They don't have the developmental or physical capacity to learn, grow and make decisions. In other words, gorillas are NOT the same as people. That's pretty obvious.

I really dont understand why you ladies are assuming we think you are bad parents. Why take offense at something aimed at bad parents?

Maybe you are just ignoring our explainations because you want to be offended.

No, I don't think so. I think it's that the OP of the post I saw didn't say anything about BAD parents. It was used as a general reference to parents, with a dictionary definition that was supposed to support the term. I'm sorry, but that's just rude.

How can a childfree person who can not even begin to understand the responsibility of parenthood criticise those with children, whether they're good or bad? Pets are NOT the same as children, regardless of what you might think.

I also feel that in cases of "bad parents" (and I refuse to use "breeders" here - how rude!), they would benefit from some education and support. They certainly do not need ridicule, contempt and derogatory terms.

Really, if I were heard (or seen, in a forum) using terms like "breeder" or "sperm donor", etc, I would be ashamed of myself. I would also be really embarrassed that I showed such disrespect.

 

[Linnis]

I think breeder is a bad term. Even for parents who do not parent their children up to the standards set by people who don't have kids.

Breeder makes me think of those people who make their dogs have lots of puppies.

I think it's funny that the childfree couples here on CF need to have quite so many terms for parents, types of parents etc. Makes them seem defensive.

 

[andiesmama]

I'm not childfree....as you can tell by my avatar

However, IMHO the childfree forum was set up so they would be able to talk freely among themselves without having to explain or defend themselves.

Then a thread like this is started attacking the phrases and such that are used......it's a childfree forum! If you even think you *might* be offended, don't go in there and look around....and if you DO go in there, then be prepared for what you might see.

I just don't think it's fair to complain about that stuff when it's in a totally different forum that was set up for specifically the purpose of the child-free people being able to have a place to go to vent without having any repercussions.

I'm off my soapbox now...

 

[£amb]

I guess everybody's got to come up with some kind of lingo. I personally could care less what child-free parents call me. If that's how they communicate amongst themselves, then so be it.

 

[HeatherJay]

I'm not childfree....as you can tell by my avatar

However, IMHO the childfree forum was set up so they would be able to talk freely among themselves without having to explain or defend themselves.

Then a thread like this is started attacking the phrases and such that are used......it's a childfree forum! If you even think you *might* be offended, don't go in there and look around....and if you DO go in there, then be prepared for what you might see.

I just don't think it's fair to complain about that stuff when it's in a totally different forum that was set up for specifically the purpose of the child-free people being able to have a place to go to vent without having any repercussions.

I'm off my soapbox now...

That's not the reason it was set up.

It was set up as a safe haven to discuss the childfree lifestyle. But it was never meant to be a forum where childfree memberss could openly belittle, insult, and ridicule those who have chosen a different lifestyle than they have. Not all threads in that forum do that...unfortunately, there are some that do.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I just found it funny... I knew the context it was meant in most of the posts - it was lighthearted and a 'quip'.

To take it so personally, makes me think 'lighten up, it was a quip'...

But I'm laid-back about that kinda thing...

Sasch

 

[andiesmama]

So like I said....if somebody even thinks they'll be offended, don't read the forum.

If it was created as a safe haven, then why do people who are not childfree feel the need to visit and then start coming down on those in that particular forum for the everyday things they talk about?

And there are threads that belittle, etc other people in EVERY forum on CF, not just that forum. Doesn't make it right, but it's a fact of forum life.

It just kind of rubbed me the wrong way to see that forum attacked, especially when those guys are just minding their own business.

Stated my 2 cents...not that it'll make a difference, evidently...bye!!