Comparative Exegisis

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higgs2

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And now for something completely different...

Reprinting a post that someone made years ago. It's still funny :D

How would the Church of England deal with 'the cat sat on the mat'
if it appeared in the Bible?

The Liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This would lead to an immediate backlash from the Evangelicals. They would make an essential condition of faith that a real physical, living cat, being a cat of the Felix domesticus species, and having a whiskered head and furry body, four legs and a tail, did physically place its whole body on a floor covering, designed for that purpose, and which is on the floor but not of the floor. The expression 'on the floor but not of the floor' would be explained in a leaflet.

Meanwhile, the Catholics would have developed the Festival of the Sedentation of the Blessed Cat. This would teach that the cat was white and majestically reclined on a mat of gold thread before its assumption to the Great Cat Basket of Heaven. This is commemorated by the singing of the Magnificat, lighting three candles, and ringing a bell five times.

This would cause a schism with the Orthodox Church which believes tradition requires Holy Cat Days (as it is colloquially known), to be marked by lighting six candles and ringing the bell four times. This would be partly by the Cuckoo Land Declaration recognising the validity of both.

Eventually the House of Bishops would issue a statement on the Doctrine of the Feline Sedentation. It would explain, traditionally the text describes a domestic feline quadruped superjacent to an unattached covering on a fundamental surface. For determining its salvific purpose and eschatological signification, we follow the heuristic analytical principles adopted in dealing with the Canine Fenestration Question (How much is that doggy in the window?) and the Affirmative Musaceous Paradox (Yes, we have no bananas). And so on, for another 210 pages.

The General Synod would then commend this report as a helpful resource for clergy to explain to the person in the pew the difficult doctrine of 'the cat sat on the mat'.
 
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No Swansong

Formerly Jtbdad Christian on every board!
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Chalice_Thunder

As part of the problems you are having I cannot send you a PM but I may still be able to receive them from you. I have news for you concerning your account. Would you be kind enough to contact me with an e-mail addy that I can contact you at?

Thanks
John
 
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chalice_thunder

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Chalice_Thunder

As part of the problems you are having I cannot send you a PM but I may still be able to receive them from you. I have news for you concerning your account. Would you be kind enough to contact me with an e-mail addy that I can contact you at?

Thanks
John
will do.
 
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ChaliceThunder

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5 - for the five precous wounds of our Lord Jesus.

Anyone know this translation of Ave Verum, btw?

Hail, Noble Flesh, born of Mary the Virgin,
having truly suffered, was offered on the cross for man,
from whose pierced side flowed a river of blood,
O Sweet, O Sacred,
O Jesus, Son of Mary,
be merciful to me now and at the hour of death.
Amen
 
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karen freeinchristman

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It's me again with my new name:

ChaliceThunder

My account was corrupted in the blackout last week. It seems that I need 5 posts in order to pm a mod.
I hope you all won't mind if I take up that space here.

I feel all freshly baptized with a new name! (should have timed this to the Easter Vigil)
Cool! Great to see that it has been sorted! :thumbsup:
 
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karen freeinchristman

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Karen, does the OP look familiar to you :D
:thumbsup: yeah - that was something I heard from a class I took a couple of years ago! Very good description of Anglican diversity!
 
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