Should you tell??

[Isabella84]

I have a question for you guys....
My bf recently decided for some weird reason that he needed to confess all his past sexual sin to me.I mean,we all have it on some level,but it kind of bothered me.I mean,I knew he had done stuff with other girls,but I'm one of those people who gets stuff in her head and thinks about it too much and lets it get to her.
He said it was best if I knew so in case we got more serious in the future,I wouldn't be suprised or upset about anything because I wasn't told early on.
I guess I'll just try to forget about it and forgive him since God has.But it really bothers me to know.I kinda wish he never told me.
I haven't really told him much about my past.I don't want to.I think it will just get in his head too and thats not cool.I want him to feel special and not feel like he needs to compare himself to other guys.So,I'm like,yeah I had a couple bf's,thats about it.
So moving on:
How much do you think you should tell your SO?Do you think you even should??How do you tell them w/o hurting them or causing them to be weirded out about it???I feel like maybe I should since he did,but I just don't know.

 

[mina]

I think there is a time and a place for it in the relationship- to talk about things like this. But I think the hearer has to be at a place to be able to listen as well.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Of course you should tell.

 

[Sketcher]

If he told you, that means he wants openness and honesty with this. You don't have to tell him details unless he asks though. If would hope that he told you this because he trusts you. When you trust him enough, tell him what he needs to know.

 

[javaluver]

Wouldn't it have been worse if he had waited until you were dating for quite a while before springing his past on you? I would applaud him for being open and honest and would venture to say that you shoud probably do the same. Be just as open about your past as he was about his. Then, after all the cards are on the table, you need to decide whether the relationship is worth pursuing. It sounds like you have a pretty nice, honest guy though.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

I would want to know everything up front

 

[Apologetic]

aye like was said - there's a time and place for it. if it bothers you, talk to him about it. tell him how it makes you feel. communication is always key to most good things in both relationships and friendships. it's important to understand each other.

i would also like to know everything up front. i'd like to be able to be completely open with a potential husband with these things.

i think his telling you is a big step for him. it shows he trusts you and cares for you. he doesn't want to lose you, that's pretty obvious.

i'm sure you're thinking that if you two get married that he will compare you to them. i wouldn't worry about that tbh. it seems he cares deeply for you and trust me - if he loves you enough to want to spend the rest of his days with you, then don't for a second think that he'll compare you to the rest and give you a lower "grade" as it were. save yourself the trouble

 

[straightedge]

being open=trust

 

[~HopeFloats~]

there is being honest and then there is just plain sharing TMI.

The TMI is what gets into our heads and messes with us.

I agree to be open and honest, but I too have been in a place when I wish it had been left as, I had so many partners not the info that goes with it.When it comes to sex and itimacy sharing all the details does NOBODY any good.

 

[plum]

I value honesty, but telling vivid details is not part of that imho. Because of past experience in that area I have decided that my next BF may know in general what I've done (because it may influence our decisions on what we do together and my feelings about boundaries, etc).. but there is no reason for him to know every gory detail. I don't feel comfortable sharing it and if he felt uncomfortable hearing it, I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable.

 

[Lacko]

I have a question for you guys....
My bf recently decided for some weird reason that he needed to confess all his past sexual sin to me.I mean,we all have it on some level,but it kind of bothered me.I mean,I knew he had done stuff with other girls,but I'm one of those people who gets stuff in her head and thinks about it too much and lets it get to her.
He said it was best if I knew so in case we got more serious in the future,I wouldn't be suprised or upset about anything because I wasn't told early on.
I guess I'll just try to forget about it and forgive him since God has.But it really bothers me to know.I kinda wish he never told me.
I haven't really told him much about my past.I don't want to.I think it will just get in his head too and thats not cool.I want him to feel special and not feel like he needs to compare himself to other guys.So,I'm like,yeah I had a couple bf's,thats about it.
So moving on:
How much do you think you should tell your SO?Do you think you even should??How do you tell them w/o hurting them or causing them to be weirded out about it???I feel like maybe I should since he did,but I just don't know.

i think you need to be honest all the time...lieing is a sin no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.

next this doesn't really apply here but it applies to others: for some people it is important to marry someone who has remained, to put it nicely, pure his or her entire life...and if that is the case things need to be brought up right away

 

[Blank123]

there is being honest and then there is just plain sharing TMI.

ditto.

I do think its important to be open about the past but all i think thats important to know is whether there is a past and just leave it at that, you certainly don't need to hear all the details of what that past is made of.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

ditto.

I do think its important to be open about the past but all i think thats important to know is whether there is a past and just leave it at that, you certainly don't need to hear all the details of what that past is made of.

you wouldn't want to know what your husband to be did before you?

 

[Blank123]

you wouldn't want to know what your husband to be did before you?

not in detail, no. I don't need to know that. It'd be enough if he was sexually active at some point before we started dating/courting to just tell me that.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

not in detail, no. I don't need to know that. It'd be enough if he was sexually active at some point before we started dating/courting to just tell me that.

interesting, I would want to know everything

 

[Niamh]

Ugh.....

My boyfriend asked me. I told him how many sexual partners I had, and that they hadn't meant anything. Just that I had sort of liked the first, but not liked the other two. I didn't go into detail about it or about anything else I had done with any guys.

The thing is, he was in a 2 year relationship with a girl. I'd never been in a relationship before. I had more partners than he did, but he had had sex more.

But after I told him, he told me that he felt all weird and that he wished he hadn't asked. He told me that he kept on imaging other guys being on top of me or touching me and stuff.

So to be honest, I think that if the person wants to know, don't lie, but keep the information to a minimum. It's highly unlikely that your partner will want to hear all the details of your past sexual experiences.

I guess it depends on your partner.

 

[covenantwmn]

If it's important for one to know, then ask, otherwise, I think it kinder to keep between yourself and God. Of course this excludes cases of STD's, i'm strictly speaking of just need to know. For me personally, unless there are children involved, or disease, I wouldn't want to know.

 

[Sketcher]

interesting, I would want to know everything

So you think. A lot of people can't get it out of their heads and regret asking for details.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

So you think. A lot of people can't get it out of their heads and regret asking for details.

so true.

I have also seen with friends-- them using the info down the road as way to use against the open party.

when I was immature and young I wnated to know everything-- with age you learn there is a lot of things that serve no purpose and really do not matter.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

So you think. A lot of people can't get it out of their heads and regret asking for details.

I like to be in the know about everything an I think its important to know