why do I feel like this

from old blog January 25, 2008

Dear Jesus,

I love you so much! I'm struggling really hard right now and I don't understand why. Why do I feel like this? I feel like crying all the time. I feel so incredibly sad ... like my heart is just breaking. I know the enemy is working hard on me right now. He must be. I know these feelings are not feelings from Father ... lonely, useless, tired of trying, no purpose, no direction, lack of interest, the list goes on. What do I do? Why do I feel like this? I love Father so much and want nothing more than to serve and please him. I'm feeling pulled away from the Pentecostal forum and that bothers me. That's the only ministry I have. But if I'm not supposed to be there ... then so be it. I just don't understand why. I'm not complaining, Lord. Just very lonely and hurt right now. Pain that I thought I'd dealt with is back and I have no where to put it. Abba, Father!!!!!!!!! ... Help me understand, Jesus. Why does it always have to be about pain?

I love you, Jesus
bless you, Jesus
thank you, Jesus
bless you, Jesus

for I am nothing if not for you