It has been such a long journey until now, Lord.
My husband's symptoms got very severe.
Everything got severe. Financial hardships, the weight of solitude, the weight of life in general.
I have been climbing for such a long time, Lord. It has been 50 years of climbing, so far.
I meet people who are walking in a plain, and have been walking in a plain for their entire life, who tell me I do not have the right "attitude".
It is is easy to praise You in a plain. They talk about depression and overcoming it as one of their greatest victories in life.
You and I, Lord, overcame together so much more than this. We overcame years when depression was not an option, there were too many things to do. Maybe depression is still bottled up inside me. It is not an option for me yet. I have to climb.
When does it end, Lord?
50 years, Lord. It has been a long time and I am tired, so tired.
The greates miracle is that I am still alive. My many enemies never defeated me. My muscles are strong. My faith does not fade even if I get angry at You, sometimes, Lord.
But I am still here. In my defense, I am still here.
Let my prayers and my anger end in praise, like in the Psalms of David (22, 13, 43).
He got angry at You, sometimes, too.
And You understood.
In my defense, I am still here.
Climbing.
Writing.
Waiting.
Yesterday my husband's symptoms improved.
Is it the top of the mountain near, Lord?
When am i going to be reunited with my husband? When am I going to live a bit of peace?
I am so tired Lord.
But I am still here.
Climbing.
