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  1. I feel anxiety in my upper body, although that may not make sense. I think it is all of the things around me, muslim street stores, taoist symbols, and open tarot/medium shops. They remind me of my sins like I will never be cleared of them (straying from the faith (apostasy?) into taoism and then temptations from dark things (witchcraft?) and sins of fortune-telling). It seems like the comments on my blog entry about bullfighting have a point (about the way the bulls are killed) but their strong language is disheartening (for lack of a better word) not to antagonize them I just take things too personally. I generally feel like I have itching ears and am a fool that cannot take reproof or correction. Another thread has made me think about election and half wonder if I am just not elect. Today I have had the thought of feeling used, like it seems I am just supposed to agree with everybody and be passive and submissive. I'm supposed to be happy and entertain my family and always be okay and funny for my friends. I kind of want to cry right now, although that must sound awfully self-pitying. I like writing stories but can't do much now because I don't know how to write fiction like, I don't know what God would do in any situation, but I can't just ignore God's existence. My game takes too much battery, and I want to work on Chinese but I am not on my own normal phone and I am paranoid so I want to be able to remove everything I move in on this device and I don't know if some form of that will pop up again (common apple store app). I want to get mental health issues recognised but also don't want to tell another stranger about what I experience and have them not believe me either. Also being labelled in a way I would have to report to jobs.

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  1. pdudgeon
    I could be wrong here--let me know if I am--but all of this put together sounds as though you are feeling super sensitive to your surroundings today. It's more than just awareness, but closer to a personalization of how that awareness affects you specifically.

    it might help if you were to move your thoughts over to what Jesus would think of these various things. Just an idea, and then see if you can let go of your thoughts and see things as Jesus sees them.
    If you can (or if you want to try that) you should feel a sense of calm that goes along with Jesus' thoughts and the way that He sees these things. Not because He approves, but because He knows that they hold no power over Him (and thus over you). Let us know how it goes.
  2. Jesus4Ever
    There's a writing website called Wattpad. I used to post stories on there and got a lot of helpful advice.

    I myself want to write fiction, particularly in fantasy. I thought about incorporating some of God's values in them.

    And I get with the being afraid of going to a professional...even if I went, would I say anything?

    You just gotta keep going. And as long as you are not back with Taoism or any of that, you will be forgiven through Jesus.
      HereIStand likes this.
  3. HereIStand
    There aren't any issues as far as employment screening with anxiety medication. A lot of people take them. I do. I take three each day, and Xanax as needed in a small dose. It makes you sleepy and has other side effects. Still praying for the bad thoughts to leave you.
    1. View previous replies...
    2. HereIStand
      If you had to disclose to something, only the personnel office would know. It wouldn't keep you out of the engineering field. Your language skills and an engineering degree would be make you valuable in the job market. Are you planning to go to college in Texas? My niece started at Texas A&M, and finished up at Lamar. She teaches junior high science.
    3. DeerGlow
      I plan on UTA eventually, community college first to save money. It seems shameful and like I will be judged for whatever turns up.
    4. HereIStand
      Don't worry. You'll be fine. Probably ahead of many others.