I feel anxiety in my upper body, although that may not make sense. I think it is all of the things around me, muslim street stores, taoist symbols, and open tarot/medium shops. They remind me of my sins like I will never be cleared of them (straying from the faith (apostasy?) into taoism and then temptations from dark things (witchcraft?) and sins of fortune-telling). It seems like the comments on my blog entry about bullfighting have a point (about the way the bulls are killed) but their strong language is disheartening (for lack of a better word) not to antagonize them I just take things too personally. I generally feel like I have itching ears and am a fool that cannot take reproof or correction. Another thread has made me think about election and half wonder if I am just not elect. Today I have had the thought of feeling used, like it seems I am just supposed to agree with everybody and be passive and submissive. I'm supposed to be happy and entertain my family and always be okay and funny for my friends. I kind of want to cry right now, although that must sound awfully self-pitying. I like writing stories but can't do much now because I don't know how to write fiction like, I don't know what God would do in any situation, but I can't just ignore God's existence. My game takes too much battery, and I want to work on Chinese but I am not on my own normal phone and I am paranoid so I want to be able to remove everything I move in on this device and I don't know if some form of that will pop up again (common apple store app). I want to get mental health issues recognised but also don't want to tell another stranger about what I experience and have them not believe me either. Also being labelled in a way I would have to report to jobs.
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