As I wake up, Im stuck!
Its like being on a diving board I got stuck on 40 years ago!
Philosophy speaking;
My condition is like a boy who was to scared to jump off the diving board, and to scared to turn around and go back down the diving boards latter.
I am that boy! and I have been stuck in animation on that diving board for 4o years; now what?
obviously Im not on a real diving board, this was an example of being stuck in trauma! Im now learning how to come out of trauma.
Im letting myself heal and looking around a bit! I have to wake up! This will take time, Im not sure how much Im going to wake up or what it will take to get the rest of me to heal and wake up.
I have no idea what it will take to fully wake up?
I need to be wake!
I would like to accomplish some basic tasks. I would like to work on my mountain bikes without the help of the local bike shop and I would like to take a drama class and be in a play. Being in a play requires that I memories. I would like to feel that I am willing to do the extra work to learn a part in a play! This will be hard as I have long term PTSD problems. PTSD problems cause great issues with memory blocks.
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I called a women for the first time in years; this is a sign that I am getting better and reaching out! It went well!
As I reach out in one direction, the past vanishes in the other!
I have unfinished business from the past.
I am unfinished business from the past; from several pasts.
Lots of healing needs to take place from trauma..
Im in the middle and Im uncomfortable.
I must keep trusting God down my journey! Im scared to trust God, feel like Im being taken back into horror- ville. I don't want to remember certain things, people, and places, However, with that trauma are memories of the real me.
With that trauma are memories of bullies and a horrible life that destroyed me! I did not survive it! nor do I like remembering it! Yet, I must remember allot of it! unfortunately with the good comes the great unresolved bad. I will have to trust God with this! I will feel, deal and heal the best that I can!
Its like being on a diving board I got stuck on 40 years ago!
Philosophy speaking;
My condition is like a boy who was to scared to jump off the diving board, and to scared to turn around and go back down the diving boards latter.
I am that boy! and I have been stuck in animation on that diving board for 4o years; now what?
obviously Im not on a real diving board, this was an example of being stuck in trauma! Im now learning how to come out of trauma.
Im letting myself heal and looking around a bit! I have to wake up! This will take time, Im not sure how much Im going to wake up or what it will take to get the rest of me to heal and wake up.
I have no idea what it will take to fully wake up?
I need to be wake!
I would like to accomplish some basic tasks. I would like to work on my mountain bikes without the help of the local bike shop and I would like to take a drama class and be in a play. Being in a play requires that I memories. I would like to feel that I am willing to do the extra work to learn a part in a play! This will be hard as I have long term PTSD problems. PTSD problems cause great issues with memory blocks.
---------------------------------------
I called a women for the first time in years; this is a sign that I am getting better and reaching out! It went well!
As I reach out in one direction, the past vanishes in the other!
I have unfinished business from the past.
I am unfinished business from the past; from several pasts.
Lots of healing needs to take place from trauma..
Im in the middle and Im uncomfortable.
I must keep trusting God down my journey! Im scared to trust God, feel like Im being taken back into horror- ville. I don't want to remember certain things, people, and places, However, with that trauma are memories of the real me.
With that trauma are memories of bullies and a horrible life that destroyed me! I did not survive it! nor do I like remembering it! Yet, I must remember allot of it! unfortunately with the good comes the great unresolved bad. I will have to trust God with this! I will feel, deal and heal the best that I can!
