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Trying To Surrender

  1. So I'm about 6 years into my walk with Christ. This whole time God has been ministering to my heart and increasing my knowledge and understanding. I grew very quickly my first 2 years, but there's just always been something there holding me back from full surrender to God. Maybe I was too young then, I was 23/24. I don't know. I'm getting to a point now where I want to be mature but I'm not. I want to be passionate about the Gospel like Paul was... truly the riches and wisdom in Christ is like nothing this world has.

    Someone told me to "prophesy" to myself constantly throughout the day and I've been talking to myself as if God were speaking, saying "you're doing fine, just keep fasting and pressing on. It's ok if you're not fully surrendered yet, its a process. You're doing great. Just relax, everything is OK."

    I get so stressed out because I WANT to fully surrender to Godbut it's like there's something in me that is preventing me from surrendering to and actually trusting God fully, and I can't figure out exactly what it is. I feel like God is comforting me, telling me not to worry and that it's just a process. I have a lot of trauma from my past that I'm trying to work through and lots of "frozen" emotions that still need to be unthawed, like mourning over my abusive father, something I don't think I've ever actually done.

    And I repeat that stuff all day to myself. I'm not sure if it's actually God speaking through me or not but it seems to help. I'm working on being more positive, joyful, and a speaker of life because I've had this strange addiction to drama and being negative ever since I was a kid. I need to be thinking and saying these positive things.

    Anyway, I just felt like ranting. Sorry if it's really random. God bless.
    Emli likes this.

Comments

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  1. GTW27
    "Fear not","I am not made at you" And" Keep walking my son" are all words I heard from Him along the way. So if and when you hear them, know they are from Him and not yourself. They will come as a still small voice from within, to comfort you along The Way.
      WilliamBo likes this.
    1. WilliamBo
      Thanks GTW. Those are phrases I hear too. In fact, those phrases are in that letter I wrote to myself, unsure if it was God, now that I think about it.
      Emli likes this.
  2. lozzymagoo
    Sir, stop stressing. None of us carried the cross, only he did. He sees you as a child, his child.
    I've been where you are and all Jesus was saying was "I'm not disappointed in you, the disappointment you carry is your own" and "I'll never give up on you, even if you give up on yourself".
    The fact that you have such a strong desire to serve God is so pleasing to him.
    I've had to deal with being such an emotional person and dealing with a traumatic past too. And honestly Jesus has shocked me with his compassion and gentleness. There were days where he would encourage me to do the smallest, simplest things & that was enough for him. Please don't pressure yourself.

    I pray the Holy Spirit will guide and lead you, minister to you and comfort you always. I pray Jesus will take you by the hand and walk with you every day. I pray you'll grow in wisdom as Jesus did. And that Jesus Christ our Lord will make a man of you. In his mighty name, Amen.

    Remember this about Jesus...
    A bruised weed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out. (Isaiah 42:3)
    That's how gentle our God is.

    Jesus bless you.
      GTW27, WilliamBo and Emli like this.
    1. WilliamBo
      Thank you very much for your words
  3. Southernscotty
    You are facing flesh VS spirit friend. You will always have moments of weakness but it's ok. We have a God that was tempted in all ways like us and He knows the fleshly desires of man. You have died to the old man but still are experiencing the sin nature that has been ingrained into you. Stand strong and keep reading the Word of God on a daily basis and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you. God bless you :]
      WilliamBo and Emli like this.
    1. WilliamBo
      Yea you're right. Thanks.
  4. Emli
    :prayer:
    God is with you, so don't worry. It's your fears that have been holding you back. You need to learn how to keep all of your focus on Christ, and not on yourself. Trust in His power, His love and His grace, and not on the flesh. It's all going to make sense after you have fully surrendered to God. So just keep pressing forward, and choose light and not darkness.
      WilliamBo likes this.
    1. WilliamBo
      I'm trying. I don't understand why it's this difficult. I suppose your right, it's fears.
      Emli likes this.