Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
As I have written in my previous entries, God has been working in my life in many different ways. I can point to any number of different examples of the things the Lord has done, all for His glory. I know that He will continue to work in my life, regardless of the struggles that I may have in this life. Through it all, I will give the glory to God, knowing that He will complete His good work.
Prior to 1996, I suffered from depression and pessimism. I, of course, called it being realistic, but that was only an excuse for my pessimistic nature. My depression was apparent in my writing and my poetry. Despite that, I pretty much suffered silently through it, never really looking for nor receiving help.
In the time following my rededication, the Lord began to change that in my life. It didn't happen overnight, in fact, I can't even point to a specific time where I noticed a change. All I know is that, looking back, I can see the change, and others have told me they have seen those changes.
That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with feelings of depression or hopelessness. Nor does it mean that I'm always positive. All it means is that the Lord has changed my overall emotional state. When I do face those dark times, though, I try to look back at what the Lord has done, and forward to what He has promised.
Except for a couple brief exceptions, I pretty much lived with my parents until 1998. I never had any real girlfriends, and I started losing touch with many of my old friends prior to 1997 (due to jobs, moves, and other life situations).
In September 1997, I started getting more involved at church. I started in the Children's Ministry as an assistant teacher for four year old children. I didn't think the Lord was calling me to that Ministry, but He showed me differently. In March 1998, I also started as a counselor for our church Jr. High Ministry in addition to what I was doing in the Children's Ministry. Soon after was when I finally made the decision to move out of my parent's house and live on my own. I was 25 years old, so I figured it was about time. Besides, the move put me closer to work and church.
In April of 2000, while working with fifth graders in our Sunday Evening Children's Ministry, one of the other workers came up to talk to me. She was a worship leader and actor on stage for the children's ministry. I knew her by face, yet not by name. Out of the blue, at the end of our conversation, she asked me out for coffee. I was taken aback, but agreed anyways.
After service, we met at the church bookstore/cafe for a short conversation. The conversation went well, but I didn't know if anything else was going to happen. The next week, I didn't speak to her, so I didn't think anything else was going to happen. I was wrong, because a week later, she asked me out again. Yes, she had to ask me out twice.
You might be wondering why she had to ask me out. Truth be told, if she hadn't I probably never would have asked her. Main reason was I barely knew her, despite the fact that she had been watching me with the kids for some time. Other reason was self doubt. I never really could get the courage to ask anyone out.
The second night at the cafe was a longer night for us. We talked for hours, even in the parking lot after the cafe had closed. I would point to that second "date" as the beginning of my relationship with Michelle.
Over the next few months, we spent a lot of time together. We talked on the phone even when we weren't together. I met her family, and she spent time with mine. Things looked like they were going well, up until we had to break-up for a time. She had broken up with me, but I still believed that we were going to get back together again.
I had given her the space she had requested, and didn't call or speak with her for a couple weeks. After two or three weeks of silence, I finally broke the silence to speak about the break up, to see if it was going to remain or not. I'm glad I made that call, for we did get back together after that, and we haven't been apart since.
In July of 2001, I proposed to Michelle. I didn't have a ring at the time, and told her that she would get it later. After that point, things became even more challenging. Both of us were committed to the Lord, but we both knew we were going to get married. We had set a date of May 17, 2003 for our wedding date.
I don't think there is any greater temptation than the lust of flesh, and when you become engaged, the temptation increases tenfold. I was living in a house with several other guys at the time, and she was renting a room in her sister's home. In some ways, that was a good thing, as it limited some of our options. If either of us had lived alone, we might have really fallen into sin.
As it was, we made several wrong choices during our engagement. We never had sex, but there were times we got dangerously close, going much farther than we should have. Each failure we did have, I beat myself up for emotionally sometimes even hurting myself physically (not seriously, but enough to feel pain).
Part of the reason is I felt I should have been stronger. I knew that I was going to have to be the Spiritual Leader when we were married, and I wasn't leading properly at that time. It was Michelle who finally put her foot down to make sure that the lines were no longer crossed. Although I felt (and sometimes still feel) I should have been the one, I am glad she listened to the Holy Spirit.
Shortly after Michelle and I were engaged, she had lost her job. She was starting to have some problems with her health, mainly in the area of fatigue. Her doctor wrote it off as depression, but it didn't seem like that was correct. She lived on unemployment, getting the odd job here and there after that.
At some point in 2002, her unemployment ran out, and her bills began to increase. Even though she was living with her sister, and I was living at another home, I began to help pay for her bills, on top of my own. I even changed my bank account to a joint account, to give her access so she could pay her bills.
By December 2002, we had been engages for a year and a half. We were almost complete with our pre-marital counseling, and had been regularly talking to the pastor who was going to marry us. We decided at that time to move our wedding date up, and spoke with the pastor about it. I'll never forget his response. "I thought you were crazy having a two year engagement."
On December 21, 2002, Michelle and I had a small wedding in Las Vegas. Several of our friends and family came to support us. Our closest friends, who knew of our physical struggles, and our stance for purity in the last nine months of our engagement, were even more excited for us, knowing how difficult it was for us.
The Lord blessed that time. Michelle managed to plan the wedding and get our friends to come in less than a week's time. On top of that, we stayed in Vegas (first honeymoon) from December 20 through December 24. On December 27, we went to Hawaii (Kauai) with my company for a company sponosored trip through December 31. This wound up being our second honeymoon. The trip was fully paid for, we only had to pay for stuff we did (food, souveniers).
One of the "conditions" our pastor put on our early marriage was to still have our ceremony on May 17, 2003 as planned. This was something we had no problem with, as many of the items were already taken care of, thanks to friends from the church as well as family. My parents had paid for our reception place. The pastor had paid for the church fee. A friend was set to DJ the reception for free. Another friend catered the reception for only the cost of the food. Still another friend made the wedding cake for just the cost of the materials. Our most expensive "expense" was our photogropher/videograper, but even that was at a substantial discount due to him being a friend. Overall, we had probably a 10-15k wedding for about 5k out of our own pockets.
After our rededication ceremony and reception, we had our third honeymoon in Carlsbad, California (about an hour north of San Diego). It was my parent's timeshare that they let us use for that week, so all we had to pay for was for whatever we decided to do there.
We had numerous blessings from the Lord for the wedding. We tell people that it was because we made that stand to stay pure. I think that may be part of it, but I also think it was because He knew what lay ahead.
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
As I have written in my previous entries, God has been working in my life in many different ways. I can point to any number of different examples of the things the Lord has done, all for His glory. I know that He will continue to work in my life, regardless of the struggles that I may have in this life. Through it all, I will give the glory to God, knowing that He will complete His good work.
Prior to 1996, I suffered from depression and pessimism. I, of course, called it being realistic, but that was only an excuse for my pessimistic nature. My depression was apparent in my writing and my poetry. Despite that, I pretty much suffered silently through it, never really looking for nor receiving help.
In the time following my rededication, the Lord began to change that in my life. It didn't happen overnight, in fact, I can't even point to a specific time where I noticed a change. All I know is that, looking back, I can see the change, and others have told me they have seen those changes.
That doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with feelings of depression or hopelessness. Nor does it mean that I'm always positive. All it means is that the Lord has changed my overall emotional state. When I do face those dark times, though, I try to look back at what the Lord has done, and forward to what He has promised.
Except for a couple brief exceptions, I pretty much lived with my parents until 1998. I never had any real girlfriends, and I started losing touch with many of my old friends prior to 1997 (due to jobs, moves, and other life situations).
In September 1997, I started getting more involved at church. I started in the Children's Ministry as an assistant teacher for four year old children. I didn't think the Lord was calling me to that Ministry, but He showed me differently. In March 1998, I also started as a counselor for our church Jr. High Ministry in addition to what I was doing in the Children's Ministry. Soon after was when I finally made the decision to move out of my parent's house and live on my own. I was 25 years old, so I figured it was about time. Besides, the move put me closer to work and church.
In April of 2000, while working with fifth graders in our Sunday Evening Children's Ministry, one of the other workers came up to talk to me. She was a worship leader and actor on stage for the children's ministry. I knew her by face, yet not by name. Out of the blue, at the end of our conversation, she asked me out for coffee. I was taken aback, but agreed anyways.
After service, we met at the church bookstore/cafe for a short conversation. The conversation went well, but I didn't know if anything else was going to happen. The next week, I didn't speak to her, so I didn't think anything else was going to happen. I was wrong, because a week later, she asked me out again. Yes, she had to ask me out twice.
You might be wondering why she had to ask me out. Truth be told, if she hadn't I probably never would have asked her. Main reason was I barely knew her, despite the fact that she had been watching me with the kids for some time. Other reason was self doubt. I never really could get the courage to ask anyone out.
The second night at the cafe was a longer night for us. We talked for hours, even in the parking lot after the cafe had closed. I would point to that second "date" as the beginning of my relationship with Michelle.
Over the next few months, we spent a lot of time together. We talked on the phone even when we weren't together. I met her family, and she spent time with mine. Things looked like they were going well, up until we had to break-up for a time. She had broken up with me, but I still believed that we were going to get back together again.
I had given her the space she had requested, and didn't call or speak with her for a couple weeks. After two or three weeks of silence, I finally broke the silence to speak about the break up, to see if it was going to remain or not. I'm glad I made that call, for we did get back together after that, and we haven't been apart since.
In July of 2001, I proposed to Michelle. I didn't have a ring at the time, and told her that she would get it later. After that point, things became even more challenging. Both of us were committed to the Lord, but we both knew we were going to get married. We had set a date of May 17, 2003 for our wedding date.
I don't think there is any greater temptation than the lust of flesh, and when you become engaged, the temptation increases tenfold. I was living in a house with several other guys at the time, and she was renting a room in her sister's home. In some ways, that was a good thing, as it limited some of our options. If either of us had lived alone, we might have really fallen into sin.
As it was, we made several wrong choices during our engagement. We never had sex, but there were times we got dangerously close, going much farther than we should have. Each failure we did have, I beat myself up for emotionally sometimes even hurting myself physically (not seriously, but enough to feel pain).
Part of the reason is I felt I should have been stronger. I knew that I was going to have to be the Spiritual Leader when we were married, and I wasn't leading properly at that time. It was Michelle who finally put her foot down to make sure that the lines were no longer crossed. Although I felt (and sometimes still feel) I should have been the one, I am glad she listened to the Holy Spirit.
Shortly after Michelle and I were engaged, she had lost her job. She was starting to have some problems with her health, mainly in the area of fatigue. Her doctor wrote it off as depression, but it didn't seem like that was correct. She lived on unemployment, getting the odd job here and there after that.
At some point in 2002, her unemployment ran out, and her bills began to increase. Even though she was living with her sister, and I was living at another home, I began to help pay for her bills, on top of my own. I even changed my bank account to a joint account, to give her access so she could pay her bills.
By December 2002, we had been engages for a year and a half. We were almost complete with our pre-marital counseling, and had been regularly talking to the pastor who was going to marry us. We decided at that time to move our wedding date up, and spoke with the pastor about it. I'll never forget his response. "I thought you were crazy having a two year engagement."
On December 21, 2002, Michelle and I had a small wedding in Las Vegas. Several of our friends and family came to support us. Our closest friends, who knew of our physical struggles, and our stance for purity in the last nine months of our engagement, were even more excited for us, knowing how difficult it was for us.
The Lord blessed that time. Michelle managed to plan the wedding and get our friends to come in less than a week's time. On top of that, we stayed in Vegas (first honeymoon) from December 20 through December 24. On December 27, we went to Hawaii (Kauai) with my company for a company sponosored trip through December 31. This wound up being our second honeymoon. The trip was fully paid for, we only had to pay for stuff we did (food, souveniers).
One of the "conditions" our pastor put on our early marriage was to still have our ceremony on May 17, 2003 as planned. This was something we had no problem with, as many of the items were already taken care of, thanks to friends from the church as well as family. My parents had paid for our reception place. The pastor had paid for the church fee. A friend was set to DJ the reception for free. Another friend catered the reception for only the cost of the food. Still another friend made the wedding cake for just the cost of the materials. Our most expensive "expense" was our photogropher/videograper, but even that was at a substantial discount due to him being a friend. Overall, we had probably a 10-15k wedding for about 5k out of our own pockets.
After our rededication ceremony and reception, we had our third honeymoon in Carlsbad, California (about an hour north of San Diego). It was my parent's timeshare that they let us use for that week, so all we had to pay for was for whatever we decided to do there.
We had numerous blessings from the Lord for the wedding. We tell people that it was because we made that stand to stay pure. I think that may be part of it, but I also think it was because He knew what lay ahead.
