The Safest Place In The World

Recently I saw a TV ad for great invention: a stuffed animal that glows, and even projects light onto the ceiling to comfort a child who has difficulty with bedtime or falling asleep and remaining asleep. If the child is afraid of the dark, this invention would benefit them all the more.

But years ago, I discovered a better gadget: side rails for the bed, so kids can sleep in their parents bed and not roll off the edge. This allows the two parents to stay together in the middle, with kids on the sides.

Kids sleeping with their parents? Isn't that a problem to be avoided at all costs? What about sex? What will the neighbors say? Isn't that just too kinky?

My wife and I put our kids in bed with us once they got beyond the helpless-baby stage, and it simplified life a great deal. They would fall asleep immediately, and stay asleep almost all night. They didn't cry, and they didn't resist falling asleep because they were with their parents, not separated and alone in a dark room. Nighttime breastfeeding was especially easy, since mom and kid could both lie down comfortably and stay warm.

This shouldn't be surprising. With all other mammals that I know of, the young sleep with one or both parents. Conserving body heat is one reason, and an important one for most creatures. Security is another reason, especially for humans. The kid wakes up and looks around. There's Mom. There's Dad. Everyone is asleep, so everything must be OK.

The child feels that they are in the safest place in the world - and they are.

Sex for the parents isn't a problem. Kids fall asleep quickly in the parent's bed, and sleep very soundly.

Some single parents and their kids find it especially comforting to sleep together. Any feelings of loss and isolation can be lessened somewhat, and the arrangement emphasizes what the family has, rather than what it's missing.

The only problem we found was, since kids and parents go to bed at the same time, either the kids bedtime will be later than usual, or the parents will be in bed earlier than usual. This wasn't a problem in earlier times (when a scarcity of light caused people to retire earlier), but it still works pretty well for pre-schoolers or homeschoolers who don't have early-morning schedules, or for parents who do.

When one of my kids developed diabetes as a small child, we found an additional benefit of him sleeping with us. His blood sugar would sometimes fall too low during the night, bringing on convulsions and the risk of death. Because he was in bed with us, we knew right away if this happened, and could administer prompt treatment. As he grew larger and heavier, this risk diminished, and his ability to sense it and counteract it himself increased.

Some might think this is a new-age hippie innovation, but the opposite is true.

People hundreds of years ago didn't have separate bedrooms for their kids; in fact, most "houses" didn't have separate rooms at all. Most people also didn't have a bed to themselves; several people in each bed required fewer beds, and kept people warmer. The younger children slept in the parents bed, with the parents.

If you doubt this, check out Luke 11:7 in the Bible (KJV):

"And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee."

So everything old is new again - only now it's called "attachment parenting"!

How long should this last?

Have their own beds ready for your kids to use when they want to, and emphasize the transition to "their" bed when they feel ready. Four and six are ages of growing independence, but also ages of increasing awareness of the world around them, which sometimes intensifies fears. Eight or nine has the exuberance without the fears.

Of course, kids grow, and a parent's ultimate desire is for them to grow into well-functioning independent adults. To this end, most parents tacitly assume that the methods of their parents, friends, and society are correct.

Many people have long ago lost contact with their animal instincts, and too many consider this an advancement of civilization, and a beneficial result of Christianity...

But it isn't.

Like Job, they haven't stopped to consider Who equipped animals and humans with this hard-wired knowledge which serves us very well when we use it in accordance with God's commandments.

Children grow up and go their own way in life, but the ones who carry the emotional security of their parental home - and parental bed - with them have a solid foundation on which to build their own emotional security.

Combined with a loving Father Who never leaves them, what more do they need?

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Darkhorse
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