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Still grieving

My husband died suddenly of a brain aneurysm while undergoing treatment for cancer in October, 2010. He was 51 and I was 49 and our kids were 9 and 11 then. We were married for 14.5 years. He was my best friend, m lover and my husband. We were soulmate s and love being a family of 4. We had so many plans. We loved living to the fullest and loved our kids. Suddenly this was all taken away from him and from me and my children. I hate my life now. Even though I am a Christian, I feel empty and life seems meaningless. After 2.5 years, I still cry every night. Why, why, why does have to happen? Don't my children deserve to grow up with a father? My husband was an incredible father. I feel at a loss at being a sole parent. He was meant to be here to be with me to bring up our 2 kids. I don't see the point of him dying so early. Everyday I go to work and I provide for kids the best I can. I am constantly exhausted and tired and need to talk to my husband about everything but he is not here. I am so depressed without him here to make me smile. My life revolves around work and my children. I don't have a 'life' and I am not motivated to do anything. I don't know how long I can keep,doing this.