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Sigh

Well, foot to mouth again. I told someone I love him, even though I know good and well that he has feelings for someone else, and that even if he didn't it wouldn't work out being an online friendship.

I don't know how to explain "love." It is more than an emotion, but a choice. That is what people always say, but yet what if you love someone but choose not to? What then? How can you possibly change your feelings?

Talking to this person is one of the highlights of my day. Too much so in some respects. It feels like I am on the edge of a cliff, and he is down below, but everything I know is above, and I am hanging onto the edge in a rain storm.

The feelings I have for him are not at all "physical." I tried to explain it once as a desire to have him with me through the good and the bad, to hold him and help him, and to have him do the same. But that doesn't really cover it.

I am up uncharacteristically early for the second time this week. And what is the first thing I do? Log on. I should probably leave now and do some of that reading for English.

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Bumble Bee
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