I feel sometimes hopeless. I feel a bit like I cannot remember my own past. I wonder what my testimony is, if I am saved, what happened at my baptism was it valid? I have the fear in my heart, “What if I’m one of those who just can’t believe?” or one who just won’t be saved. I feel that I sin too much too willingly. Like I am not convicted like I should be. Like I push the limits too much.
I’m also having weird dreams, like the one last night I can’t really remember but I woke up thinking about cigarettes. I’ve had this odd temptation to smoke even though it could be dangerous. I wonder if we shouldn’t since our bodies are temples to the Holy Spirit (right? Or am I confused?) and sometimes I have a hard time breathing anyway but there is this temptation that I don’t know if I could fully explain if I tried. I also have this pain in my neck that is worst the farther I try to look left. I have been interested in writing fantasy fiction stories but have no good ideas, I want to paint but don’t have the skill to paint what I can think of, and I want to play video games but five nights at freddy’s can seem so hard when I might been on night three on four games except the one I have almost fully beat and the one that has a weird night three so I’m at night four. I have also gotten an interest in Yu-Gi-Oh! I may have been interested or disliked the cards compared to Pokémon as a kid but I do like the show now. I’m on episode fourteen already.
I’m also having weird dreams, like the one last night I can’t really remember but I woke up thinking about cigarettes. I’ve had this odd temptation to smoke even though it could be dangerous. I wonder if we shouldn’t since our bodies are temples to the Holy Spirit (right? Or am I confused?) and sometimes I have a hard time breathing anyway but there is this temptation that I don’t know if I could fully explain if I tried. I also have this pain in my neck that is worst the farther I try to look left. I have been interested in writing fantasy fiction stories but have no good ideas, I want to paint but don’t have the skill to paint what I can think of, and I want to play video games but five nights at freddy’s can seem so hard when I might been on night three on four games except the one I have almost fully beat and the one that has a weird night three so I’m at night four. I have also gotten an interest in Yu-Gi-Oh! I may have been interested or disliked the cards compared to Pokémon as a kid but I do like the show now. I’m on episode fourteen already.
