This song rang true for me as a teen growing up in a dysfunctional family, one where I saw no love and only knew hatred. The tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. It didn’t even matter how hard I tried to be loved and accepted, only to be thrown aside each turn. Occasionally, my dad would suddenly cease talking to me and when I asked my mother why, she said “you know what you did.” Even though I honestly had no clue. I grew up with the thought my dad hated me for so many years, and maybe he did then and resented me ever being born more so than my 2 little sisters.
Years later things got better after my mother left him, but his anger was still there. Weakened, but still there even today. I only hope and pray he’s still working on it because no child should ever have to grow up thinking and believing their parents hate them. I do visit him from time to time, more so than my mother. She became worse off as my dad got a little better.
This song helped me in many situations and music was my outlet of all my emotions. Some were so emotional that my dad asked me if I was alright. At that point I had given up and only thought him to be a liar of anything he could possibly feel for me. I tried so hard but there was nothing left but fear from his anger and hostility, and my mother’s neglect of the situation.
Many years later marking today the morning I wake up with this song in my head, accompanied with His Word. A reminder that no matter how hard we try that our works are as filthy rags apart from God. Our faith in Jesus Christ is what matters and letting Him work through us and not because of what we have done. This is where the danger of Matthew 25:1-13 (or if you’re a male: Matthew 25:14-30) is. I never want Jesus to say to me Matthew 7:21-23.
one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try {Isaiah 64:6}
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
(All I know)
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away {Revelation 22:12-14}
(It's so unreal)
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know {1 Thessalonians 5:2}
Wasted it all just to (watch You go) {Revelation 15:16}
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart {Job 13:11-15}
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all {Story of Job}
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to remind myself how {Matthew 7:21-23}
(I tried so hard)
In spite of the way you were mocking me {1 Peter 5:8}
Acting like I was part of your property {1 Peter 5:9}
Remembering all the times you fought with me {1 Peter 5:10}
I'm surprised it (got so far) {1 Peter 5:11}
Things aren't the way they were before {Acts 2:38}
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore {John 8:12}
Not that you even knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end) {Psalms 37:7-9}
You kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in You {Psalm 62:8}
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try {Isaiah 64:6}
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
(All I know)
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away {Revelation 22:12-14}
(It's so unreal)
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know {1 Thessalonians 5:2}
Wasted it all just to (watch You go) {Revelation 15:16}
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart {Job 13:11-15}
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all {Story of Job}
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme to remind myself how {Matthew 7:21-23}
(I tried so hard)
In spite of the way you were mocking me {1 Peter 5:8}
Acting like I was part of your property {1 Peter 5:9}
Remembering all the times you fought with me {1 Peter 5:10}
I'm surprised it (got so far) {1 Peter 5:11}
Things aren't the way they were before {Acts 2:38}
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore {John 8:12}
Not that you even knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end) {Psalms 37:7-9}
You kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in You {Psalm 62:8}
All this has been a big reflection from who I used to be and Whom I was searching for all my life. He has accepted me by taking my place on the cross for my sin even before I was ever born! He has loved me, apart from wallowing in sin, since I accepted Him at the age of 6. I know this because of just simply looking back to see His Good works in my life. There were times I didn’t let Him, but I have learned to obey and trust Him. With all this He had me work on, it’s just that much more a reminder to me that He loves me and that He is still working in me to love others.
If God is prompting you to check your heart, ask Him to bring to the surface what it is that is deeply hidden.
For me it was concentrating too much on doing works for His Kingdom, which isn’t bad, but if my heart isn’t in the right place - as it hasn’t been for so many years – I would have been one of those He would have turned away. I was like a spiritual Job and God brought me to my face. He had me look in the mirror for me to see what I was doing to myself and getting further and further away from Him without even knowing it! Like a child I cried and cried as He comforted me and shown me His ways rather than the way of this independent world.
