At the meeting today, I walked away from several goons, thAt was a good thing.
I walked away from the Christian 12 step group, that was good, they are to immature! something horribly wrong at that place! it was bad for my PTSD problems... anyway, I will trust God that he will bring me another place to go!
Im reading the Shack, the popular Christian book. What a horrible joke this is! I feel its satanically based... ; Demonic. However, a few words popped out to me! The rest seems black and sinister. More Middle class Christian slop thrown down peoples throats to make God an easier bi-product.
If I want a relationship with God; on my knees I go!
Ive met so many Christians that are lousy shallow people; its unbelievable! I believe they reflect the leadership. When narcissistic sociopaths are running the churches, what kind of people are they going to attract but the same sycophants as themselves.
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I was able to dump a whole lot of core contempt at the meetings. The hidden me; hidden for 40 years, starting to surface and come out! its been coming out because Ive spent 18 years in recovery working on it! You get what you earn! Its all about God and its about bowing down to God!
I feel stronger then I did a month ago! Im starting to be more real, I believe this is because of honesty!
----
I suppose what is important is that I like myself even tho I have never been liked by anyone, and I have not been liked by anyone. The only people that ever wanted to hang out with me were antisocial sociopaths that wanted to bash on the world and take my money for coffee. Even they have left!
--
The three goals I have;
1. clothing system to keep them clean
2. keep apartment clean for girlfriends.
3. loose weight, get back to 170
In God I trust;
I have a real problem with God! Im going to have to trust him to walk me through the next miles of my journey.
Im confused about God, I assume he wanted me to die! He allowed me to be driven to death! Why!
God owes me! I owe him nothing! I do owe him tho! I owe him the chance to explain why why I was born. Why did I have to participate in this sick joke! Why was I born to be humiliated into death! for what reason!
I do not only blame the family system I came from and the surrounding friends and country side, I blame him for doing nothing to help me!
I will have to talk more to God and keep trusting.
I walked away from the Christian 12 step group, that was good, they are to immature! something horribly wrong at that place! it was bad for my PTSD problems... anyway, I will trust God that he will bring me another place to go!
Im reading the Shack, the popular Christian book. What a horrible joke this is! I feel its satanically based... ; Demonic. However, a few words popped out to me! The rest seems black and sinister. More Middle class Christian slop thrown down peoples throats to make God an easier bi-product.
If I want a relationship with God; on my knees I go!
Ive met so many Christians that are lousy shallow people; its unbelievable! I believe they reflect the leadership. When narcissistic sociopaths are running the churches, what kind of people are they going to attract but the same sycophants as themselves.
------
I was able to dump a whole lot of core contempt at the meetings. The hidden me; hidden for 40 years, starting to surface and come out! its been coming out because Ive spent 18 years in recovery working on it! You get what you earn! Its all about God and its about bowing down to God!
I feel stronger then I did a month ago! Im starting to be more real, I believe this is because of honesty!
----
I suppose what is important is that I like myself even tho I have never been liked by anyone, and I have not been liked by anyone. The only people that ever wanted to hang out with me were antisocial sociopaths that wanted to bash on the world and take my money for coffee. Even they have left!
--
The three goals I have;
1. clothing system to keep them clean
2. keep apartment clean for girlfriends.
3. loose weight, get back to 170
In God I trust;
I have a real problem with God! Im going to have to trust him to walk me through the next miles of my journey.
Im confused about God, I assume he wanted me to die! He allowed me to be driven to death! Why!
God owes me! I owe him nothing! I do owe him tho! I owe him the chance to explain why why I was born. Why did I have to participate in this sick joke! Why was I born to be humiliated into death! for what reason!
I do not only blame the family system I came from and the surrounding friends and country side, I blame him for doing nothing to help me!
I will have to talk more to God and keep trusting.
