I heard in my spirit earlier today "be brave and bold!" And someone told me yesterday I was preaching Truth with boldness. So I knew what it meant.
I used to be really afraid. Fearing what people would think and do if I talk about God. Especially if I held to Scripture as perfectly as I was able. I feared their reactions, and their arguments. I thought if things got too heavy, I'd lose.
I did it anyway. What else am I supposed to do?
I love God.
And I was persecuted, bullied, hated, tempted and confused, my head spinning, running away in fear, crying in despair, telling God "I quit!!!".
He picked me up from the floor. Over and over again.
I don't quarrel over details or doctrines, my purpose is to bring Christ and the knowledge of God straight into people's hearts. So in the end though I thought I'd lost, I didn't lose. Because God's Word was spoken, from the Spirit. If He wins, we win.
Today God suddenly gave me this feeling in my spirit. Purity. I couldn't define it. It felt so... Complete! I don't know how else to explain it. And then He compared me to Stephen. When He was stoned for preaching the Gospel. I've never really seen Stephen before. Never considered him. He was just a byword. (And forgive me if I'm being disrespectful!)
I've been compared to Peter, being clumsy and prideful, and betraying Jesus, to Paul, being dedicated to God though having a very sinful past (and just like Paul I know my struggles), to Noah for having great faith, to Thomas for doubting, to Elijah for running away from Jezebel. To all the sinful women in the New Testament. For good and for bad.
But then I considered Stephen.
"Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!" Faithful to the end.
A pure heart towards God...
That's what the Lord told me.
I don't have any words.
And I'm not quitting!
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