I'm writing this while having an intense struggle between the flesh and the Spirit. And between me and God. It's a wrestling match, and I know that God will win, because we both want Him to win, but I don't know how to forfeit.
I've been learning so much, so fast. And I want to share it all. I want to inspire and help people grow closer to God. There is so much in my mind that needs to come out. And God is pouring it out of me every day, but in calm and controlled ways. If I got to choose, the dam would explode. I would strike the rock like Moses, and God wouldn't be happy. Because it wouldn't be Him in control, it would be me.
Thankfully, I can do nothing without Him. It is His Spirit, it is His Word and His river of life. If I run ahead, then He pulls away, and I can't think of a single verse from the Bible. It's silence.
But everything in me wants to rush. When I look at the Church, I see people who are starved and thirsty, and confused, not separate from the world, not living Holy lives, not focusing on God, chained in darkness, fighting battles they cannot win without the knowledge of God, and just fighting each other because they don't know truth. They aren't feeding on the Word like they should. And I want to move!!! And God wants me to move, but not in panic like I want to move.
"For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath." Matthew 13:12
"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48
I'm relying on this. I've been given much, and I'm expecting God to require much from me. LORD, use me! I want to share what You have done for me, and what You can and want to do for them! I want them to see Your Glory, Your Power, Your Grace, Your Righteousness. I want them to see YOU!
When I finally calm down, then God suddenly moves, and so fast it completely overwhelms me, and I can barely keep up. It's all about Him, and it has to be all about Him. I long to see those moments, but they can't be forced.
It's intense, because He wants to teach me so much, yet I just simply seem to run away in any direction. I love spending alone time with Him, it's beyond amazing, and a part of me wants to do nothing else but study His Word. But then I just really want to share it. Is there pride in there? Control issues? Or is it just a part of me that really loves others, that God has transformed but isn't yet done transforming?
It is really intense. Yet I'm also loving every second of it. And I bet God is too.
The Lord is going to win this wrestling match in one way or another. His will be done!
I've been learning so much, so fast. And I want to share it all. I want to inspire and help people grow closer to God. There is so much in my mind that needs to come out. And God is pouring it out of me every day, but in calm and controlled ways. If I got to choose, the dam would explode. I would strike the rock like Moses, and God wouldn't be happy. Because it wouldn't be Him in control, it would be me.
Thankfully, I can do nothing without Him. It is His Spirit, it is His Word and His river of life. If I run ahead, then He pulls away, and I can't think of a single verse from the Bible. It's silence.
But everything in me wants to rush. When I look at the Church, I see people who are starved and thirsty, and confused, not separate from the world, not living Holy lives, not focusing on God, chained in darkness, fighting battles they cannot win without the knowledge of God, and just fighting each other because they don't know truth. They aren't feeding on the Word like they should. And I want to move!!! And God wants me to move, but not in panic like I want to move.
"For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath." Matthew 13:12
"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48
I'm relying on this. I've been given much, and I'm expecting God to require much from me. LORD, use me! I want to share what You have done for me, and what You can and want to do for them! I want them to see Your Glory, Your Power, Your Grace, Your Righteousness. I want them to see YOU!
When I finally calm down, then God suddenly moves, and so fast it completely overwhelms me, and I can barely keep up. It's all about Him, and it has to be all about Him. I long to see those moments, but they can't be forced.
It's intense, because He wants to teach me so much, yet I just simply seem to run away in any direction. I love spending alone time with Him, it's beyond amazing, and a part of me wants to do nothing else but study His Word. But then I just really want to share it. Is there pride in there? Control issues? Or is it just a part of me that really loves others, that God has transformed but isn't yet done transforming?
It is really intense. Yet I'm also loving every second of it. And I bet God is too.
The Lord is going to win this wrestling match in one way or another. His will be done!
