What would it be like to be with God all day long.
It may have to be like that for me. I may have to let go of this life completely. This life is becoming so dangerous to live in. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, economically. Its getting beyond my ability to understand or cope.
I feel like Im in a fish bowl with sharks.
Im going through a hard time with God right now. Im wanting things. I want things my way. I deserve what I want.. Ive been through terrible things and God has to come through...
Im always being thrown away by people. Its never ending..
I want to stabilize and not care anymore.
I have never been seen by anyone, yet I have valued all. Its horrible and confusing. I am an honorable person. It has no value to anyone.
Around people I am a stranger. I have no one that sees me. When Im in a shallow conversation, I just look at them. I do not connect with them.. The whole thing is stupid. its a waist of time.
I am an extremely caring, nice, compassionate person. However, to those that are of a more sinister and evil nature, I am hated by these people. Hated with a scorn and a contempt.
When someone finally does say hello. I might as well be a wall. They have no status hooked to my name, instead, its like " O' Its just you again"//
Or there is stern control with a bit of disgust and bank emotion. " Hi second class citizen, I see you , please don't get to close, thanks, you are nobody so you sit at the back of the bus".
Lots of prejudice in every direction. Im not sure where to find people that will treat me with the respect I deserve. I have almost given up hope.
A new me, a new learning, and a new group of people. Who knows.
I know this. Im tired of seeing people with potential. That means nothing...
I need to find people that are....
Its not my time to connect yet... Ive had the opportunity. God has to take me to other places or ways to connect. Possibly he brought me out of the last situation to protect me, to get me to new ground for a few years to bring the rest of me back to life again that I be stable and not dissociating.. I cant believe God just dropped me. I believe he has the next plan in motion for me..
It may have to be like that for me. I may have to let go of this life completely. This life is becoming so dangerous to live in. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, economically. Its getting beyond my ability to understand or cope.
I feel like Im in a fish bowl with sharks.
Im going through a hard time with God right now. Im wanting things. I want things my way. I deserve what I want.. Ive been through terrible things and God has to come through...
Im always being thrown away by people. Its never ending..
I want to stabilize and not care anymore.
I have never been seen by anyone, yet I have valued all. Its horrible and confusing. I am an honorable person. It has no value to anyone.
Around people I am a stranger. I have no one that sees me. When Im in a shallow conversation, I just look at them. I do not connect with them.. The whole thing is stupid. its a waist of time.
I am an extremely caring, nice, compassionate person. However, to those that are of a more sinister and evil nature, I am hated by these people. Hated with a scorn and a contempt.
When someone finally does say hello. I might as well be a wall. They have no status hooked to my name, instead, its like " O' Its just you again"//
Or there is stern control with a bit of disgust and bank emotion. " Hi second class citizen, I see you , please don't get to close, thanks, you are nobody so you sit at the back of the bus".
Lots of prejudice in every direction. Im not sure where to find people that will treat me with the respect I deserve. I have almost given up hope.
A new me, a new learning, and a new group of people. Who knows.
I know this. Im tired of seeing people with potential. That means nothing...
I need to find people that are....
Its not my time to connect yet... Ive had the opportunity. God has to take me to other places or ways to connect. Possibly he brought me out of the last situation to protect me, to get me to new ground for a few years to bring the rest of me back to life again that I be stable and not dissociating.. I cant believe God just dropped me. I believe he has the next plan in motion for me..
