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Not Doing So Well

  1. I’ve been overwhelmed by cursing and awful thoughts recently, and sometimes it feels wilful. Like less intentionally a thought comes then another and the next bad thoughts feel like my wilful insults. The verse of the day today too - “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”
    ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:7-8‬ ‭ESV‬‬
    It seems like I’ve been neglecting spiritual sowing and sowing to the flesh and I am afraid to be judged for my thoughts and words and actions. There are things that I can’t imagine standing before God having done or said, like that radio comic about a guy visited by an angel who was telling him to get things in order; the guy says he’ll do it when he gets home and the angel says eehhh maybe you should do it in the next 53(?) minutes. The point is that no one knows their hour, it ends with asking if the listener is ready to meet God. It is overwhelming to me.

    About Author

    DeerGlow
    18-year-old baptist from Texas. I grew up in the church but strayed from the faith when I was around sixteen. I have a fear of committing apostasy, the unpardonable sin, and not being saved. I have undiagnosed mental issues, but live with them. I like to learn languages and have recently gotten into drawing and painting again. I am in a CF study group that is going through a whole-bible-in-a-year plan, which helps motivate me to read the Bible even on days I do not feel like it.
    LaSorcia likes this.

Comments

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  1. mukk_in
    If you're interested and get a chance, read Judges Chapter 4 in the Bible. God Almighty raised her to be a Judge and Prophet when the men in Israel refused to go to battle. To me Deborah (Debbie for short) is God's antidote to the status quo in ancient Israel. Glad you're well. God bless :)
  2. mukk_in
    It certainly is. If you feel that's God's calling in the future, don't shy away from it. Remember Deborah the Prophetess? God bless :).
    1. DeerGlow
      I don’t know much about her.
  3. mukk_in
    You should think about becoming a preacher kid. God bless :).
    1. DeerGlow
      That’s way too much responsibility and pressure. :|
  4. Gracia Singh
    No, dear, when we persevere, it simply means that we keep going. Judgement is finally a reconciling of the soul either to the holiness and love of God, or to the Hell that soul chose through conscious, continued rejection of God. Spend time in prayer, love Him, let Him love others through you, and keep going.

    Edit: as far as Judgement goes, just know that God in and through Christ has given us every possible grace to be saved. Abide in Him, and let Him love you; then love Christ back through your day to day life. Don't let fear become a handicap; let love and gratitude guide you.
  5. Gracia Singh
    As I understand it, Salvation is not a one-time, born-again event, but a process of growing holiness, obedience, littleness, lovingness, and sacrifice as we follow Christ. We have been saved, are being saved, and will be saved, if we persevere until the end. We still tumble, struggle, sin, do stupid things, say hurtful things, sorrow the Heart of God, and mistreat others *but* the key is a growing sensitivity to sin, an increased desire to not sin, and a growing reliance on and abiding in God for holiness.
    1. DeerGlow
      Another fear that has bothered me in the past is the “persevere”, like have I already failed? And I just feel afraid of judgement.
  6. LaSorcia
    Praying for you. God is not waiting for you to sin so that He can zap you. He loves you and He chose you as His own, even though He already knew every good and bad choice you would make in your entire life!
    1. DeerGlow
      It‘s frightening and shameful to think about judgement, and I’ve had this nagging thought that I don’t trust and/or obey Jesus enough.
      LaSorcia likes this.
    2. LaSorcia
      None of us trust and obey Jesus enough. The amazing thing is that he died for us when we were still sinners! He loves us and loves our willing hearts. He helps us to be good. :)
  7. Gracia Singh
    Deer, as long as you realize your struggles and need to repent, that is a good sign! Repentance, forgiveness, holiness, it's a journey.
    1. DeerGlow
      It’s frightening though, to think about judgement. I am not secure about my faith and salvation.
  8. Far Side Of the Moon
    How is work going ? :)
    1. DeerGlow
      It’s been slow.
      Far Side Of the Moon likes this.