I hate my life. I really do. I hate everything that I have ever done, except the things that God has done through me.
And those things I cannot even grasp that they even happened. And they did. It's all been real.
I have so many things I want to let out. They need to come out of my brain. It needs decluttering. I'm so scattered on the inside.
God is everything to me.
A lot of people oppose the things of God, and they come after someone like me. I'm not even remotely equipped to handle it. I have to rely on God completely, because it's so far out of my league. I know it's God's battle, and they are attacking Him. But I am a very fragile person, who has been struggling my whole life to even survive. I don't understand how someone can be so heartless to want to attack me. It hurts. It really, really hurts. They just cannot see past their own pride.
So God comforts me, and He is enough. But I'm tired and weary. And I can't give up.
So much has been going on.
I am God's daughter. He is very proud of me. I've overcome so much, although it was Him and not me.
I'm just really tired right now. But God gives strength to the weary. I'm trying to get my mind focused again.
There is so much I hope to accomplish now that I have given all of my life to Jesus. But when I do look at the the work that I have done for Him, it freaks me out. It's so easy. All I have to do is listen to God, then act, and the results are wonderful. But I am scared to death. That's how God once put it, scared to death. Because God's greatness is so glorious. I feel like fleeing from it. I did once, and I came back, and the Lord let me know that He had given me some time to calm my nerves.
I am one huge nerve. It's all I am, I feel like. Coming from having had BPD, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, chronic depression, OCD etc etc etc, how can I walk with a God that is so glorious? How can I do His work?
And how can I stand against the people who choose to oppose Him?
I'm constantly like Elijah running from Jezebel, and then Jonah being swallowed by the fish.
And ooooohh... My sins! They are insane! And God just loves me, says He is proud when I confess them and stop hiding from Him. But that also makes me so nervous, until I feel His love and grace filling my heart.
Crazy ramblings from a crazy mind trying to get work up the courage to truly walk with Christ.
I'm not scared any longer. Trials and victory took my fears from me. But I am NERVOUS!!!
And those things I cannot even grasp that they even happened. And they did. It's all been real.
I have so many things I want to let out. They need to come out of my brain. It needs decluttering. I'm so scattered on the inside.
God is everything to me.
A lot of people oppose the things of God, and they come after someone like me. I'm not even remotely equipped to handle it. I have to rely on God completely, because it's so far out of my league. I know it's God's battle, and they are attacking Him. But I am a very fragile person, who has been struggling my whole life to even survive. I don't understand how someone can be so heartless to want to attack me. It hurts. It really, really hurts. They just cannot see past their own pride.
So God comforts me, and He is enough. But I'm tired and weary. And I can't give up.
So much has been going on.
I am God's daughter. He is very proud of me. I've overcome so much, although it was Him and not me.
I'm just really tired right now. But God gives strength to the weary. I'm trying to get my mind focused again.
There is so much I hope to accomplish now that I have given all of my life to Jesus. But when I do look at the the work that I have done for Him, it freaks me out. It's so easy. All I have to do is listen to God, then act, and the results are wonderful. But I am scared to death. That's how God once put it, scared to death. Because God's greatness is so glorious. I feel like fleeing from it. I did once, and I came back, and the Lord let me know that He had given me some time to calm my nerves.
I am one huge nerve. It's all I am, I feel like. Coming from having had BPD, social anxiety, bipolar disorder, chronic depression, OCD etc etc etc, how can I walk with a God that is so glorious? How can I do His work?
And how can I stand against the people who choose to oppose Him?
I'm constantly like Elijah running from Jezebel, and then Jonah being swallowed by the fish.
And ooooohh... My sins! They are insane! And God just loves me, says He is proud when I confess them and stop hiding from Him. But that also makes me so nervous, until I feel His love and grace filling my heart.
Crazy ramblings from a crazy mind trying to get work up the courage to truly walk with Christ.
I'm not scared any longer. Trials and victory took my fears from me. But I am NERVOUS!!!
