I love my husband, but sometimes I wonder, if I'm just not cut out for marriage. Or maybe long term relationships. All of the ones before him failed. Obviously. Some were my fault, some were the guy's fault. But, what always rises to the surface, is my ineptness to handle conflict very well. I tend to retreat when I'm being confronted, by anyone. I've progressed, and have become a bit better in this regard, but I still tend to go blank when someone is disappointed or upset with me.
My husband and I had a little argument recently, and I went back to old habits and retreated. Just walked out of the room, and didn't say much else for the rest of the night. We didn't talk for most of the following day, until he sent me a text asking ''are we okay?'' I love him, I'll say that again, and I replied that ''yes, we're okay.'' But, it's not about us, it's about me. And now I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a baby, because once that baby is born, there's no turning back. I mean, there is, but bringing another life into your own, changes things. And then I wonder, why would I want to ''turn back?'' I took vows that I meant, but you don't realize that life will test those vows.
That is the first disagreement that we haven't had ''make up sex.'' Sometimes, I think of what life might be like on a remote island, entirely alone. Could I survive? Would I like the solitude? I love my friends, family and husband, and companionship - but I do enjoy my alone time. Maybe I need to work on this.
Thing is, it's not just about me anymore. It's about another person. His feelings, his wants, his needs. That's all good, I believe marriage should require some sacrifice.
My grandmother would know how to help me. My parents are great, but they tend to take sides and I don't want to share this stuff with them, anyway. They will worry and it's not worth the hassle. My grandmother never really took sides when I'd bring her my common dating dilemmas. She just told me straight what I needed to hear.
I miss her. What do I need to hear?
My husband and I had a little argument recently, and I went back to old habits and retreated. Just walked out of the room, and didn't say much else for the rest of the night. We didn't talk for most of the following day, until he sent me a text asking ''are we okay?'' I love him, I'll say that again, and I replied that ''yes, we're okay.'' But, it's not about us, it's about me. And now I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a baby, because once that baby is born, there's no turning back. I mean, there is, but bringing another life into your own, changes things. And then I wonder, why would I want to ''turn back?'' I took vows that I meant, but you don't realize that life will test those vows.
That is the first disagreement that we haven't had ''make up sex.'' Sometimes, I think of what life might be like on a remote island, entirely alone. Could I survive? Would I like the solitude? I love my friends, family and husband, and companionship - but I do enjoy my alone time. Maybe I need to work on this.
Thing is, it's not just about me anymore. It's about another person. His feelings, his wants, his needs. That's all good, I believe marriage should require some sacrifice.
My grandmother would know how to help me. My parents are great, but they tend to take sides and I don't want to share this stuff with them, anyway. They will worry and it's not worth the hassle. My grandmother never really took sides when I'd bring her my common dating dilemmas. She just told me straight what I needed to hear.
I miss her. What do I need to hear?
