Well, I read some of Romans today. I read up until the part where Paul talks about how God is the one who does things for us. He talks about how God made something of Abraham because Abraham let him do it.
In all honestly it just made me feel really depressed. I don't think God wants anything to do with me. I think God would save me if he loved me, but I feel like ruin is being brought upon me. I really feel doomed. The evil voice in my head laughs at me and says "If God loved you he would save you, but he doesn't, so he won't." In all honesty, reading Romans made me jealous of Abraham.
All day long I hear voices in my head telling me what to do. It feels like I have no free will. I'm constantly doing or reacting to what these voices say. I still have free will, but I'm constantly reacting to these voices, one way or another.
I try to be a good person, but it feels like nothing is good enough. Today, for instance, I bought a chicken sandwich and a cookie for a homeless man. I helped my mom with a problem with her phone. I worked on homework for school. I did the dishes too. I try to be good. Still, I hear these awful voices in my head. I know the voices are from the devil, so I shouldn't listen. I just wish that God would take them away. I wish God would make something good of me like he made good of Abraham. However, I feel like my life is ruined. I feel like everything is going to go wrong.
Anyway, I'm going to keep trying. I'm not going to go back to living a sinful life. Still, I wish God would save me from these evil voices. I take a lot of medication but it only helps a little bit. I still hear voices all day long. I'm convinced that they are evil spirits, but nobody believes me. Everyone says "You have an illness. You're not being punished by God." But that's exactly what it feels like. I feel like these voices are indeed a punishment from God. I know it doesn't make sense, because Jesus died for our sins, but that's exactly how it feels like. However, maybe that's just what the devil wants me to believe.
Anyway, I'm sorry for getting so down because of these voices I hear. I think I just need to start thinking more positive and try to see how God is working in my life. Maybe God is trying to help, but I'm just not perceiving it.
In all honestly it just made me feel really depressed. I don't think God wants anything to do with me. I think God would save me if he loved me, but I feel like ruin is being brought upon me. I really feel doomed. The evil voice in my head laughs at me and says "If God loved you he would save you, but he doesn't, so he won't." In all honesty, reading Romans made me jealous of Abraham.
All day long I hear voices in my head telling me what to do. It feels like I have no free will. I'm constantly doing or reacting to what these voices say. I still have free will, but I'm constantly reacting to these voices, one way or another.
I try to be a good person, but it feels like nothing is good enough. Today, for instance, I bought a chicken sandwich and a cookie for a homeless man. I helped my mom with a problem with her phone. I worked on homework for school. I did the dishes too. I try to be good. Still, I hear these awful voices in my head. I know the voices are from the devil, so I shouldn't listen. I just wish that God would take them away. I wish God would make something good of me like he made good of Abraham. However, I feel like my life is ruined. I feel like everything is going to go wrong.
Anyway, I'm going to keep trying. I'm not going to go back to living a sinful life. Still, I wish God would save me from these evil voices. I take a lot of medication but it only helps a little bit. I still hear voices all day long. I'm convinced that they are evil spirits, but nobody believes me. Everyone says "You have an illness. You're not being punished by God." But that's exactly what it feels like. I feel like these voices are indeed a punishment from God. I know it doesn't make sense, because Jesus died for our sins, but that's exactly how it feels like. However, maybe that's just what the devil wants me to believe.
Anyway, I'm sorry for getting so down because of these voices I hear. I think I just need to start thinking more positive and try to see how God is working in my life. Maybe God is trying to help, but I'm just not perceiving it.
