Dear God,
I have drifted very far away from you, very far. This time last year I was closer to you than I have ever been and now I am practically back to my old ways. I am so lost, confused, hurt, angry and scared.
I am going to be honest with you God: I feel so loved, forgiven and saved by you, but at the very same time, I feel forgotten, forsaken and constantly punished by you. I am so confused out of my mind and I wish you for once in my life make everything clear to me. I can't keep living like this.
But I am not going to sit here and blame you when I know I didn't keep my promises. When I know I stopped praying, stopped talking to you and went back to a lot of bad habits.
I've strayed so far away from you again, that now I got to start and square one and that is an overwhelming feeling. I wish I had never stopped because I was leaps into my new relationship with you Jesus.
Praying is the absolutely hardest part for me. I lack concentration, motivation and patience. I was doing so good when I was praying every day, but once you get out of practice, you lose it. I know I have to rebuild that praying muscle, it's just such a tedious task at first. Yes, this is me being completely honest.
However, please know Jesus, I never stopped loving you, and I've never forgotten how you fought a fierce battle with the devil himself for my daughter and I. I might be lacking severely in my relationship with you, but I am no means to that point where I forget everything you did for us and always have done for us and will always do for us. I love you regardless Jesus. That will be every so present always, even when I am angry at you or angry at the way some things are. Even when I lose all faith for the situations that you know about. I love you Jesus and I praise you to infinity and beyond. I fall on my knees at the thought of you. You are our everything. Please help me get back on track Jesus.
Love you very much,
Ekina
I have drifted very far away from you, very far. This time last year I was closer to you than I have ever been and now I am practically back to my old ways. I am so lost, confused, hurt, angry and scared.
I am going to be honest with you God: I feel so loved, forgiven and saved by you, but at the very same time, I feel forgotten, forsaken and constantly punished by you. I am so confused out of my mind and I wish you for once in my life make everything clear to me. I can't keep living like this.
But I am not going to sit here and blame you when I know I didn't keep my promises. When I know I stopped praying, stopped talking to you and went back to a lot of bad habits.
I've strayed so far away from you again, that now I got to start and square one and that is an overwhelming feeling. I wish I had never stopped because I was leaps into my new relationship with you Jesus.
Praying is the absolutely hardest part for me. I lack concentration, motivation and patience. I was doing so good when I was praying every day, but once you get out of practice, you lose it. I know I have to rebuild that praying muscle, it's just such a tedious task at first. Yes, this is me being completely honest.
However, please know Jesus, I never stopped loving you, and I've never forgotten how you fought a fierce battle with the devil himself for my daughter and I. I might be lacking severely in my relationship with you, but I am no means to that point where I forget everything you did for us and always have done for us and will always do for us. I love you regardless Jesus. That will be every so present always, even when I am angry at you or angry at the way some things are. Even when I lose all faith for the situations that you know about. I love you Jesus and I praise you to infinity and beyond. I fall on my knees at the thought of you. You are our everything. Please help me get back on track Jesus.
Love you very much,
Ekina
