I was going to write about other things but since I read some things and was thinking about others that fit together with that, well then, here goes a topic change for now.
Speaking on personality disorders,
I was reading and thinking about the differences between the Cluster B disorders. I really do feel sorry for those with HPD. I think someone who was a good friend of mine has that. Mostly they do have a component to them that is caring kind and sensitive. It seems men expect so much from them, the ones with HPD live up to it at first and then they disappoint, disillusion the other. Of course in order to be dis-illusioned one had to have an illusion in the first place. I think the one with HPD often gets hooked up to seedy user men, probably ones with NPD. Being with a woman like that they probably think it looks great for them at first, like they’re gonna get all their ego soothing, boosts their image etc. Then of course they turn, if this women gets attention of her own, doesn’t keep feeding the ego, gets too demanding, or isn’t the center of her world.
Other times, if the one with HPD hooks up with one with ASPD, it may seem great for both at first, but then the one with ASPD finds out this gals is more than a pretty face and a good time, she has emotional needs too. More than they bargained for. They’re not deep into relationships anyway, so who cares…
True, half the time it seems they make connect with the “decent guy” one who is patient, forgiving, not bothered by the HPD’s other side of neediness. Sadly , these often get left behind as well. That is unfair, but I don’t think we can throw everything into that boat. The one with HPD gets hooked up with a lot of users, users who then unfairly complain- how they were used…excuse me- that person wouldn’t have been the relationship with an HPD unless they too got something out of it.
I have read (and seen) how often the one with HPD does actually do things for people, are giving, can be kind, helpful, sensitive. I do think this is another side of them (like part of their gifts). How easy it is for others close to them to push that aside. Like, yes they did these other good things…“but“… then they start complaining about their other side. Have we forgotten, that no one is perfect?
The stuff I have heard, complaints, isn’t great but could be a lot worse. I guess if you have grown up with, lived around those with other disorders that don’t have any caring component- those with HPD (and their symptoms) doesn’t seem so bad/harsh. They have this other side that can seem hypocondriac, dependent, helpless, emotionally needy. I wonder how much it really is extreme, and how much it is people having such high expectations, demands of the one with HPD. Like the one with HPD can be helpful and attentive, so the other people get used to that and expect the one with HPD to fill that role all the time. They want to fit into the role of being attended to, that when the one with HPD needs something from those around them- then it becomes too much, only because they like wanted the one with HPD to be “unreal” to begin with.
I guess that’s part of the problem, the one with HPD would like to be that way- the great entertainer, fulfiller, pleaser…but they are human and have needs like most other people. Ha, but people then don’t really want them to change, somehow they hope that the HPD is different and will meet all their needs, fawn over them, be laser attentive all the time and attend to all their needs. That is how it seems at first, but yes it crashes- because no one can be like that all the time. Especially if those around them have disorders, then they try even harder to keep the one with HPD in that box- they cannot afford the one with HPD to be human and have needs of their own.
I think it’s often true that even though they demand a lot of attention, they can also give it. Of course people have a problem, when this laser attention is shifted away from them. I think it’s like some people think they won the lottery when they connect with the HPD, then it’s like losing a million when the one with HPD turns away, loses interest in them. So those people then feel like they were cheated, betrayed, used. They w ere expecting to much to begin with. They had all these unreal fantasies that the one with HPD was going to fulfill. This is including the ones who thought the one with HPD is “easy prey”, thought they would be under their control & keep. Maybe this is true for those thinking about a short term (like one with ASPD) but others have another thing coming. Even though they have a needy side and can be dependent- they also have this positive, optimistic, hopeful type component to their personality. If they then feel they are being used, and or their needs not being met, even though they may seem clingy to that person- they can leave, drop them like the hot potato . They just shouldn’t use this option with everyone. They should learn to drop the users & abusers and stick with the decent people. It seems they talk of being bored, needing a challenge etc., in those cases, I think they should balance and put that need for excitement & challenge into other things- friends, career, personal goals. Guess it seems they get so stuck into thinking- this one relationship is going to be “it” for them. They put all their eggs in one basket, then realize it isn’t working, so the repeat the same thing optimistically hoping they will find “it all” in one person - “somewhere“…
I suppose when they were young they were trained, groomed to be a supply for whoever, for others. My one friend, her own mother had her do dances (I don’t think the real horrible kind though, but still) before others, and she would gather money from that…
I assume that, that these kids (usually girls) were put in a box, forced (one way or another) to appear one dimensional, because that ‘s all that was accepted. So other areas of self were not allowed to develop, to be known. I think then, later all these other needs can no longer be contained. Yes the one with HPD was trained to wear a mask. They keep wearing the mask, because it works- it gets them what it always got them. People love the mask. They have learned that people don’t want to deal with their other side: emotional needs, don’t want to help them. They aren’t as resentful about this as others, like those with BPD. It’s just life- kind of like ASPD sees life.
They do deal with a lot of the harshness, pain , sorrow of life through denial. Denial that comes not like the one with NPD or even BPD- it’s not about facing the reality and then excusing it or blaming others- it’s more about distraction, distracting oneself so as not to face the harsher issues of life. They are sensitive about these issues, but they just don’t want to face many of them because, they don’t know how to deal with them. So it’s like they look, feel a glimpse, then remember they (their helpless side) don’t know how to deal with it, so then run away/distract themselves, change the subject. I think many aren’t shallow like the mask appears, they are sensitive but then they don’t know where to go with it. They were not allowed to work through the deeper things, not shown how to handle things better.
I think their real problems or sins, have to do with lying and sexual sin. Most seem to not to believe sexual sin exist. Why this is, maybe because of different reasons, I don’t know? Seems they also have no problem lying, think they think it really doesn’t hurt anyone, maybe they do it , often thinking to avoid people being hurt.
I have a theory that those with HPD had a much worse relationship with their mothers. That, they didn’t receive what they needed from their mothers. I think maybe they did receive something from their fathers or a father figure, so that’s why they keep seeking for everything in such a relationship, because their was once some hope there. I think their opposite sex relationships would be better and more fulfilling to them (where they wouldn’t be so quick to jump out of a good thing) if they were better able to relate to those of their own gender. They don’t value them as much, I think because they were little valued by their mothers. I think they are supposed to put a lot of their interest into relationships, but it needs to be balanced. If one person becomes your whole world-someone is going to get smothered or bored.
I think they are appealing to future same sex friends, but the one with HPD just doesn’t put much into developing them. Yes, competitiveness is a factor, and I do think many women are jealous of them, but they can just find the ones who aren’t.
They really are people people, like those with BPD.
Though, I think those with BPD it seems have this caring component, but then they have this other narc. side as well.
Yes many (most) of their other interests have to do with people, but I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that. Others don’t understand this because they aren’t people oriented, as people oriented. Their relationship (s) is the most important thing(s) in their lives- so what’s wrong with that (although as Christians God is supposed to be first & 1.). Don’t think God called them to be administrative, to be visionaries in the clouds (like maybe those with ASPD) etc.. I think God called them to do whatever in close regular interaction with people. Hmm, without them going so far as to make idols out of them (by them being first in their lives instead of God). So summarizing, I think: they need to learn to face and deal with their other needy sensitive dependent side- and balance it out (accept it, give it to God and not try to force others to be more caring people- even if those people should be). Stop putting all their interest & excitement into one relationship and spread their desire for challenge excitement and novelty into other interests & areas (which can help benefit their relationships) including self-improvement. And, they need to repent of any lying and sexual sin.
****I wanted to dedicate this song to my friend, and other gals with HPD:
http://www.spiralfrog.com/download/song/97364423/It'sHardToBeAGirl
Speaking on personality disorders,
I was reading and thinking about the differences between the Cluster B disorders. I really do feel sorry for those with HPD. I think someone who was a good friend of mine has that. Mostly they do have a component to them that is caring kind and sensitive. It seems men expect so much from them, the ones with HPD live up to it at first and then they disappoint, disillusion the other. Of course in order to be dis-illusioned one had to have an illusion in the first place. I think the one with HPD often gets hooked up to seedy user men, probably ones with NPD. Being with a woman like that they probably think it looks great for them at first, like they’re gonna get all their ego soothing, boosts their image etc. Then of course they turn, if this women gets attention of her own, doesn’t keep feeding the ego, gets too demanding, or isn’t the center of her world.
Other times, if the one with HPD hooks up with one with ASPD, it may seem great for both at first, but then the one with ASPD finds out this gals is more than a pretty face and a good time, she has emotional needs too. More than they bargained for. They’re not deep into relationships anyway, so who cares…
True, half the time it seems they make connect with the “decent guy” one who is patient, forgiving, not bothered by the HPD’s other side of neediness. Sadly , these often get left behind as well. That is unfair, but I don’t think we can throw everything into that boat. The one with HPD gets hooked up with a lot of users, users who then unfairly complain- how they were used…excuse me- that person wouldn’t have been the relationship with an HPD unless they too got something out of it.
I have read (and seen) how often the one with HPD does actually do things for people, are giving, can be kind, helpful, sensitive. I do think this is another side of them (like part of their gifts). How easy it is for others close to them to push that aside. Like, yes they did these other good things…“but“… then they start complaining about their other side. Have we forgotten, that no one is perfect?
The stuff I have heard, complaints, isn’t great but could be a lot worse. I guess if you have grown up with, lived around those with other disorders that don’t have any caring component- those with HPD (and their symptoms) doesn’t seem so bad/harsh. They have this other side that can seem hypocondriac, dependent, helpless, emotionally needy. I wonder how much it really is extreme, and how much it is people having such high expectations, demands of the one with HPD. Like the one with HPD can be helpful and attentive, so the other people get used to that and expect the one with HPD to fill that role all the time. They want to fit into the role of being attended to, that when the one with HPD needs something from those around them- then it becomes too much, only because they like wanted the one with HPD to be “unreal” to begin with.
I guess that’s part of the problem, the one with HPD would like to be that way- the great entertainer, fulfiller, pleaser…but they are human and have needs like most other people. Ha, but people then don’t really want them to change, somehow they hope that the HPD is different and will meet all their needs, fawn over them, be laser attentive all the time and attend to all their needs. That is how it seems at first, but yes it crashes- because no one can be like that all the time. Especially if those around them have disorders, then they try even harder to keep the one with HPD in that box- they cannot afford the one with HPD to be human and have needs of their own.
I think it’s often true that even though they demand a lot of attention, they can also give it. Of course people have a problem, when this laser attention is shifted away from them. I think it’s like some people think they won the lottery when they connect with the HPD, then it’s like losing a million when the one with HPD turns away, loses interest in them. So those people then feel like they were cheated, betrayed, used. They w ere expecting to much to begin with. They had all these unreal fantasies that the one with HPD was going to fulfill. This is including the ones who thought the one with HPD is “easy prey”, thought they would be under their control & keep. Maybe this is true for those thinking about a short term (like one with ASPD) but others have another thing coming. Even though they have a needy side and can be dependent- they also have this positive, optimistic, hopeful type component to their personality. If they then feel they are being used, and or their needs not being met, even though they may seem clingy to that person- they can leave, drop them like the hot potato . They just shouldn’t use this option with everyone. They should learn to drop the users & abusers and stick with the decent people. It seems they talk of being bored, needing a challenge etc., in those cases, I think they should balance and put that need for excitement & challenge into other things- friends, career, personal goals. Guess it seems they get so stuck into thinking- this one relationship is going to be “it” for them. They put all their eggs in one basket, then realize it isn’t working, so the repeat the same thing optimistically hoping they will find “it all” in one person - “somewhere“…
I suppose when they were young they were trained, groomed to be a supply for whoever, for others. My one friend, her own mother had her do dances (I don’t think the real horrible kind though, but still) before others, and she would gather money from that…
I assume that, that these kids (usually girls) were put in a box, forced (one way or another) to appear one dimensional, because that ‘s all that was accepted. So other areas of self were not allowed to develop, to be known. I think then, later all these other needs can no longer be contained. Yes the one with HPD was trained to wear a mask. They keep wearing the mask, because it works- it gets them what it always got them. People love the mask. They have learned that people don’t want to deal with their other side: emotional needs, don’t want to help them. They aren’t as resentful about this as others, like those with BPD. It’s just life- kind of like ASPD sees life.
They do deal with a lot of the harshness, pain , sorrow of life through denial. Denial that comes not like the one with NPD or even BPD- it’s not about facing the reality and then excusing it or blaming others- it’s more about distraction, distracting oneself so as not to face the harsher issues of life. They are sensitive about these issues, but they just don’t want to face many of them because, they don’t know how to deal with them. So it’s like they look, feel a glimpse, then remember they (their helpless side) don’t know how to deal with it, so then run away/distract themselves, change the subject. I think many aren’t shallow like the mask appears, they are sensitive but then they don’t know where to go with it. They were not allowed to work through the deeper things, not shown how to handle things better.
I think their real problems or sins, have to do with lying and sexual sin. Most seem to not to believe sexual sin exist. Why this is, maybe because of different reasons, I don’t know? Seems they also have no problem lying, think they think it really doesn’t hurt anyone, maybe they do it , often thinking to avoid people being hurt.
I have a theory that those with HPD had a much worse relationship with their mothers. That, they didn’t receive what they needed from their mothers. I think maybe they did receive something from their fathers or a father figure, so that’s why they keep seeking for everything in such a relationship, because their was once some hope there. I think their opposite sex relationships would be better and more fulfilling to them (where they wouldn’t be so quick to jump out of a good thing) if they were better able to relate to those of their own gender. They don’t value them as much, I think because they were little valued by their mothers. I think they are supposed to put a lot of their interest into relationships, but it needs to be balanced. If one person becomes your whole world-someone is going to get smothered or bored.
I think they are appealing to future same sex friends, but the one with HPD just doesn’t put much into developing them. Yes, competitiveness is a factor, and I do think many women are jealous of them, but they can just find the ones who aren’t.
They really are people people, like those with BPD.
Though, I think those with BPD it seems have this caring component, but then they have this other narc. side as well.
Yes many (most) of their other interests have to do with people, but I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that. Others don’t understand this because they aren’t people oriented, as people oriented. Their relationship (s) is the most important thing(s) in their lives- so what’s wrong with that (although as Christians God is supposed to be first & 1.). Don’t think God called them to be administrative, to be visionaries in the clouds (like maybe those with ASPD) etc.. I think God called them to do whatever in close regular interaction with people. Hmm, without them going so far as to make idols out of them (by them being first in their lives instead of God). So summarizing, I think: they need to learn to face and deal with their other needy sensitive dependent side- and balance it out (accept it, give it to God and not try to force others to be more caring people- even if those people should be). Stop putting all their interest & excitement into one relationship and spread their desire for challenge excitement and novelty into other interests & areas (which can help benefit their relationships) including self-improvement. And, they need to repent of any lying and sexual sin.
****I wanted to dedicate this song to my friend, and other gals with HPD:
http://www.spiralfrog.com/download/song/97364423/It'sHardToBeAGirl
