I'm 24 years old and sometimes I am reminded just how useless a person I am. I have a bachelor's degree in a field I can no longer work in due to health issues. I work a dead end, low pay, part time, retail job where I'm treated like scum by a lot of people including my managers. I don't go out and do things because I'm tired and depressed and exhausted all the time and my health issues and disabilities make it hard for me to do so. My mother loves me but doesn't know how to be kind and compassionate since nobody was ever kind and compassionate to her. She hurts my feelings constantly but I'm expected to suck it up and be okay with it. And she always knows how to hit me where it hurts while hiding behind a "Don't take this negatively/hard. I want you to be strong."
But I'm not anything like what I should be. I should be more independent. I should have more self-esteem because I'm a child of God. I could have been physically attractive and pretty but I have acne scars and bad skin because sometimes it's just so hard to take care of myself when I'm down for the count, much less to want to when I'm okay-ish. I'm not as smart as I could be, even though I know a lot of things. I constantly mess up when it comes to being righteous and I seem to make very little progress with my Sanctification; it's one step forward then two steps back.
I should do more and be more but I'm not. I just take up space on this earth and I don't do anything of worth for anyone, much less for God. I don't bring God delight and I very much doubt that He's proud of me even though He loves me. God is yet another parent that could never be proud of me because I consistently fail and I'm incapable of just being a better person in general.
I'm a complete and total waste of space and I'm sorry for it.
But I'm not anything like what I should be. I should be more independent. I should have more self-esteem because I'm a child of God. I could have been physically attractive and pretty but I have acne scars and bad skin because sometimes it's just so hard to take care of myself when I'm down for the count, much less to want to when I'm okay-ish. I'm not as smart as I could be, even though I know a lot of things. I constantly mess up when it comes to being righteous and I seem to make very little progress with my Sanctification; it's one step forward then two steps back.
I should do more and be more but I'm not. I just take up space on this earth and I don't do anything of worth for anyone, much less for God. I don't bring God delight and I very much doubt that He's proud of me even though He loves me. God is yet another parent that could never be proud of me because I consistently fail and I'm incapable of just being a better person in general.
I'm a complete and total waste of space and I'm sorry for it.
