Let me explain what happened to me and why I'm pleading for you to reconsider whatever you've been planning/thinking.
And yes, I'm talking about that type of giving up. Suicide. It's not a pretty picture no matter how you look at it.
I've heard of people who took their own lives..and believe me..it is heartbreaking. I wonder sometimes.. "did they have anyone there at their time of need?". "Did anyone notice the signs and tried to help them through it?" "Did anyone notice the signs of suicidal tendencies and depression in my life back in 2010-2012?" "Did anyone..even care about me?"
I honestly don't think anyone ever truly understood what I was going through- certainly not the ones who was closest to me in my life. Could I blame them though? I hid it pretty well..sort of. If you came into my room on those dark days of my life..you would see a girl sitting on the carpet on the foot of her bed in front of her closet, head on her knees, feeling the entire weight of everything on her shoulders. My heart was heavy and I was so worn.. I wanted to end things. I even thought of letters to leave for my family and co-workers. I wanted revenge for the endless bullying my workplace had let me suffer on an almost daily basis for almost 4 years. I wanted to quit on life. Music became my refuge. Not the kind of music that speaks life into you like the Christian songs I'm listening to are, but the kind that speaks of revenge, hatred, sadness ..and other things.
So if you're reading this and have gone through or are currently going through depression and thoughts of suicide.. I totally get it. I've been there, sadly.. and if I could, I would give you the biggest hug right now and just be present. Because I know how alone I was during those times. No one knew of my depression- maybe they could see it and sense it..but they never reached out and asked me how I was or what was going on in my life.. nothing. Just accusatory looks, blaming, getting angry at me because I just didn't have the energy to do anything..and it wasn't to spite them..it was simply because the emptiness in my heart was just too great for me to simply fill it up with "you gotta make the most out of life or life is too short to be sad/etc". None of those words healed my broken and empty heart. None of them took the pain away..none of that comforted me.
But here's where the I started to see the blue through the grey..and let me say upfront that I believe you can too..with His help.
Hear me out.
----
please turn away from the option of suicide. Our heavenly Father is not the one who hurts you with depression or even pushes you into it. That's the enemy. For a long time back before 2012, I had believed in the lies and condemnation of the enemy making me out to feel separated from God, like God was punishing me, that this was all His fault, and saying whatever it took to get me to kill myself. But I did something that I haven't done that night..and after pretty much my entire life up until that point, I finally gave up feeling this way and genuinely prayed to God for the first time. I asked Him to change my life so that I didn't have to be depressed and have all these issues in my heart anymore.. and to this day, He has helped me through and I am no longer depressed because of Him. It is God Who is our ultimate healer and actually wants us to have joy, life, purpose, hope, and a future. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. The enemy, on the otherhand, has come to steal, kill, and destroy and wants nothing more than to make us believe in its useless lies. If I told the most beautiful girl in the whole world that she's ugly.. she would likely not believe it because she knows in her heart that she's not. Same with our Heavenly Father. If I told you that He loves and care for you and wants you to persevere, seek His face even though you may stumble in sin or whatever else..then you can count on that-on Him. All He wants for you is to persevere so that He can be glorified through you and use you to help advance His Kingdom for His glory. He has amazing plans for you as hard as that may seem right now, given your current situation, and I would have laughed in anyone's face had they told me that I would see the blue through the grey and actually have my heart healed from depression by my own Maker who is rich in mercy, love, and forgiveness. You need to start standing on God's truths about you and Himself and that can only be done by soaking yourself up in His Word. That way, when you're attacked with lies and condemnation, you'll know in your heart -just like that example above of the most beautiful girl in the world-that God's truth is true and the enemy's lies are a waste of your time to even dwell on.
I say all this with love and no condemnation- so I apologize in advance if any of this offended you as it was not my intention ♥
-Your sister in Christ [a survivor of depression and suicide]
This video is for anyone of you who are struggling or have struggled ♥ please have a listen to this song as I am certain it will comfort you like it has for me and many others.
----
He is the only One who loved me even in my sin... and I pray many fall in love with Him and take His hand so that He can lift you up and set you on a rock of His truth.
Let the truth of God's Word speak louder than the accusations, condemnation, and lies of the enemy.
"12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
"He Who is in you is Greater than he who is in the world."
And yes, I'm talking about that type of giving up. Suicide. It's not a pretty picture no matter how you look at it.
I've heard of people who took their own lives..and believe me..it is heartbreaking. I wonder sometimes.. "did they have anyone there at their time of need?". "Did anyone notice the signs and tried to help them through it?" "Did anyone notice the signs of suicidal tendencies and depression in my life back in 2010-2012?" "Did anyone..even care about me?"
I honestly don't think anyone ever truly understood what I was going through- certainly not the ones who was closest to me in my life. Could I blame them though? I hid it pretty well..sort of. If you came into my room on those dark days of my life..you would see a girl sitting on the carpet on the foot of her bed in front of her closet, head on her knees, feeling the entire weight of everything on her shoulders. My heart was heavy and I was so worn.. I wanted to end things. I even thought of letters to leave for my family and co-workers. I wanted revenge for the endless bullying my workplace had let me suffer on an almost daily basis for almost 4 years. I wanted to quit on life. Music became my refuge. Not the kind of music that speaks life into you like the Christian songs I'm listening to are, but the kind that speaks of revenge, hatred, sadness ..and other things.
So if you're reading this and have gone through or are currently going through depression and thoughts of suicide.. I totally get it. I've been there, sadly.. and if I could, I would give you the biggest hug right now and just be present. Because I know how alone I was during those times. No one knew of my depression- maybe they could see it and sense it..but they never reached out and asked me how I was or what was going on in my life.. nothing. Just accusatory looks, blaming, getting angry at me because I just didn't have the energy to do anything..and it wasn't to spite them..it was simply because the emptiness in my heart was just too great for me to simply fill it up with "you gotta make the most out of life or life is too short to be sad/etc". None of those words healed my broken and empty heart. None of them took the pain away..none of that comforted me.
But here's where the I started to see the blue through the grey..and let me say upfront that I believe you can too..with His help.
Hear me out.
----
please turn away from the option of suicide. Our heavenly Father is not the one who hurts you with depression or even pushes you into it. That's the enemy. For a long time back before 2012, I had believed in the lies and condemnation of the enemy making me out to feel separated from God, like God was punishing me, that this was all His fault, and saying whatever it took to get me to kill myself. But I did something that I haven't done that night..and after pretty much my entire life up until that point, I finally gave up feeling this way and genuinely prayed to God for the first time. I asked Him to change my life so that I didn't have to be depressed and have all these issues in my heart anymore.. and to this day, He has helped me through and I am no longer depressed because of Him. It is God Who is our ultimate healer and actually wants us to have joy, life, purpose, hope, and a future. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. The enemy, on the otherhand, has come to steal, kill, and destroy and wants nothing more than to make us believe in its useless lies. If I told the most beautiful girl in the whole world that she's ugly.. she would likely not believe it because she knows in her heart that she's not. Same with our Heavenly Father. If I told you that He loves and care for you and wants you to persevere, seek His face even though you may stumble in sin or whatever else..then you can count on that-on Him. All He wants for you is to persevere so that He can be glorified through you and use you to help advance His Kingdom for His glory. He has amazing plans for you as hard as that may seem right now, given your current situation, and I would have laughed in anyone's face had they told me that I would see the blue through the grey and actually have my heart healed from depression by my own Maker who is rich in mercy, love, and forgiveness. You need to start standing on God's truths about you and Himself and that can only be done by soaking yourself up in His Word. That way, when you're attacked with lies and condemnation, you'll know in your heart -just like that example above of the most beautiful girl in the world-that God's truth is true and the enemy's lies are a waste of your time to even dwell on.
I say all this with love and no condemnation- so I apologize in advance if any of this offended you as it was not my intention ♥
-Your sister in Christ [a survivor of depression and suicide]
This video is for anyone of you who are struggling or have struggled ♥ please have a listen to this song as I am certain it will comfort you like it has for me and many others.
He is the only One who loved me even in my sin... and I pray many fall in love with Him and take His hand so that He can lift you up and set you on a rock of His truth.
Let the truth of God's Word speak louder than the accusations, condemnation, and lies of the enemy.
"12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
"He Who is in you is Greater than he who is in the world."
