Today I have a hurting heart. I really wanted to see Caleb today but was not able to. He had to work early shifts today and work very late. I cried because I miss him so much. The Lord comforted me. I had counseling today and I went with my mom to the store. I brought a beautiful floral dress to wear to my brothers graduation May 6th. I also brought a soft nightgown that I will wear tonight. The Lord also was with me as I looked at dolls on ebay today. I ordered a beautiful dark haired doll that I want to name Mara. I cant wait to have her. She should be here March 22-March 27. I cant wait to see her.
The Lord told my heart that she is a beautiful doll to comfort me like my other dolls. I decided that Mara is a torture victim like May and that she, Lavender and Mara will be best friends. I cant wait to feel Mara's hair and dress her.
God told me to print out a picture of Mara and put her on my mirror so that I can see her until she arrives in the mail. God told me that Mara will bring me much joy and happiness.
Today I felt some loneliness. I felt some distance from the Lord and some loneliness in my spirit. The Lord told me that he knows my heart is suffering deeply still and that I need something to touch my spirit today. He told me that my nightgown is from him to comfort me and that it was especially something he helped me find today to make me feel precious, humble and lovely. He told me that I need not worry about my mom accepting Mara( which I am very worried about), he said if she does not accept Mara she will just take her from me and I will still have Him. He said that he sees me as how I am, a little girl in my soul. He said that He knows how traumatized I am by my life and that he was with me all today and that He saw everything painful I endured and that He will comfort me about it all. He said Mara, my dress and nightgown are gifts from him to comfort my soul today. He said that He knows what is troubling me and it is that I have thought of one of my torturers a lot today, Kevin. He knows Kevin hurt me a lot. The Lord told me that I am his little girl and that Kevin can not hurt me because He protects me.
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