Hmm

At bible study today I ended up crying and explaining what place I am in with regards to grief. On the way home I realised that this coming up a lot just now might be a way to come to terms with it. The marbly strangulation feeling in my throat wasn't there and when I cried at home it wasn't there either.

However, I am posting for a different reason. Just before my brother passed unexpectedly last year I was hit with such a glorious revelation of what a wonderfully, indescribably incredible thing it would be to be in Heaven with the one and only Living, Sovereign God.

While posting about being clothed in white I was hit with a partial remembrance of that and was hit with fear. Fear of who might die next. I am so thankful to the Lord for preparing me beforehand for my brothers death. In order that when he passed I was filled with gladness that he was getting to do that, while also feeling the pain of the loss.

I think it is not good and a barrier to associate the thought what will be one day in Heaven with a fear of it being a warning of impending loss. Please pray with me that it be removed. Thank the Lord for His comfort too.