I am sick. SO sick. What I am SO SICK of is whenever my autistic adult son develops a new annoying habit, tic, stim...whatever you wanna call it, I get a PIT in my stomach and I FEAR that something may be WRONG with him. Again. Like we don't have enough going on, right?!
Lately he's been doing this SUPER annoying short, frequent sigh. He doesn't appear to have any other issue than his usual self. I know I can't bring him to a doctor because we've already been there, done that, got the whole "We can't help your son." crud. Sick of that, too!
Well, since the Holy Spirit has lit a fire up under my butt recently, the thought of having my son healed has REALLY been on my mind! My sciatica nerve and vertigo has been healed and even now, one month later. Still healed! So... why can't he be healed? We've had it drilled into our gullible little brains from the government paid "pros" that there is no cure and blah, blah, blaaah... BUT we seem like level-headed parents so, whatever. Well, OK! There are no medications here to worry about so no withdrawal worries there! Really, all we need is faith. There is literally nothing else stopping us.
The story about the boy with the unclean spirit in Mark 9:14-29 sounds very much like an autistic boy. Jesus healed him. We, Christians, are the disciples of the world and when we have the Holy Spirit, we're given the help of the Holy Spirit to guide us in the right directions in life. I trust 100% that Jesus can heal our son. I believe that now more than I have EVER believed that. I even had a vision the other night. I know it wasn't a dream because I hadn't fallen asleep yet. In my vision, I was bringing my son and daughter over to my parents because we had "exciting news" to tell them! So my son goes in their house first, my daughter had a camera to record reactions and my parents are just standing there chit-chatting when they suddenly remembered we came there for news we had. They were kind of surprised that my son was still standing in the kitchen instead of beelining to their computer like he usually does. So they asked, "What is this news?" I asked my son, "Don't you have something to say?" His response was funny, "Haven't they figured it out yet?" My parents were FLOORED!!! "He's never talked like that before!" And well, that was basically my vision. I have never allowed myself to dare to dream so big and loud before. Ironically, I don't know if it's wishful thinking or my imagination shifting into overdrive but I've been imagining alot of things for him. Things I'd long since given up on a long time ago.
I've since been researching more and more online about autism and Biblical spirituality. I found an awesome deliverance prayer that a lady had blogged and she said it was free for the taking. So I copied it and edited it to fit in my son's name. My husband read it last night and I read it to him this morning and I even edited it again so that my son can read it for himself. He loves to read! This will probably be a gradual change but this morning he was up around the same time I was up and his one eye is slightly lazy-eyed but today it's been corrected all day! He's also not fussing about his clothing. He usually hates to wear layers but I layered him up today and he's not fussed once about it! Also, he sat for 40 minutes reading a book. He paid NO attention to all the other distractions. WOW! The only other time he'll sit for that long is to watch a movie or play a video game. NEVER for reading!
Small victories are still victories. I guess we will see what God has in store us!
ETA: I wrote this in a bit of a hurry yesterday but I should add that my son has low to moderate autism and then a couple years later (so from ages 5 - 7) went back for more testing because there was more to his behaviours and he scored quite low on certain tests that it was more than "just" autism, so they said. He is now 23. We noticed around age 2 some peculiarness but decided he would just grow out of things. By the time we registered him for kindergarten, we were awaiting diagnosis conclusions. That took weeks to conclude! Nothing like the 5 minute doctor appointments that it seems to be nowadays! There was also a large team of doctors, CT scan, blood tests, overnight hospital stay for observations... all of this just for a diagnosis that was not that common 20+ years ago. Even before they got the autism spectrum the first diagnosis thought was GDD (global developmental disorder) then it was PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) but he didn't fit those, either and finally they settled on autism. So, we were relieved to have an answer and then during his formative years the battle raged on.
School was the biggest stress and worry issue. I went to multiple doctors and therapists with and without the school board with my concerns. As a family we went to the psychiatrist with our concerns along with letters! Nothing helped. We were offered drugs for son's behaviour. Of course. And of course we said heck no! So yeah.... it's a long story and testament in itself and God has brought us this far. We prayed his Special Prayer with him last night and I'm waiting for him to wake up so I can do it with him again this morning. As an infant, he was premature but he was normal. He met all of his milestones on time. The vaccinations, I can honestly say, probably did it. I know there are many other possible causing factors. Trust me, I've been all over the place with this and it's exhausting. What is really ironic is that my daughter as an infant, also premature, acted much like her older brother it was uncanny! I did not vaccinate her and she is fine! Every family has their situation. It's different for everyone.
All we need to know is that because Jesus overcame the world, so can we! This armour is ON. It's kind of funny because my husband came home the other day from work and was all "he felt something, like that nagging feeling". He thinks it means someone's going to die. I asked him "what if autism were to die?" He nodded and agreed. I mean, not our son, just the stuff that has been disabling him for most of his life. I don't feel that nagging feeling, I feel like fighting. My prayer life has changed drastically over the past month and I'm not about wimping it out or half-doing stuff anymore. Prayer warrior means just that. Warrior. Satan is going to STOP tap dancing on my son's brain and with our prayers and the healing in JESUS' name, is going to happen. With this prayer it's prayed with conviction, the rest, we leave it up to God.
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