Feelings of anxiety, and fear, are there all the time
The woman told me that she was on rocky ground, not knowing what the future will bring. She wanted to come out for a few days retreat. With a heavy heart, I had to tell her that we do not know how long it will be before we open. As we talked she shared how tense and worried she was. I did tell her that it is normal to feel what she is feeling, but that it will pass, no matter how bad it is for her now. The memory stayed with me and still weighs heavily.
This morning the community talked about the energy of hope and our monastic vocation, and the effect it has on us. It was a good sharing. We broke down into small groups and it helps to deepen the exchanges that took place.
Hope allows us to 'choose' because it leads us to look beyond the moment and to gain perspective. Also in looking back on my own vocation, I, like well, just about everyone, has gone through roughs times, periods of alienation, sadness, boredom, the whole gambit of life. Looking back, it shows that first of all, we got through it, it ended, and life went on. If we have faith, we can see how God was with us through the dark times, just as much, or even more so, than when life went well.
So at this time, I can say those feelings of anxiety, and fear, are there all the time. Low key, but constant. None of us knows where we are going, either as individuals or as a community. We are keeping the virus out so far, just like many are doing. However, I am 'fearful' of the virus making headway into our community, as well as worry about family, and friends.
Being 71, with some underlying health issues, it causes me to pause more than once each day. Yet I live in hope, this is just another 'thing' that everyone has to go through in one way or another. It is just that we are all going through this together, worldwide. Again, facing reality, not all of us will get through it, the most will.
We live in a world where 'safety' is really an illusion, all we can do is our best, and then simply live out each day. As a Christian, I have my way of doing that.
Also, I worry about everyone, it comes up in my prayer time. One good thing about prayer, it does open up the deep inner reaches of our souls and we can see the actual 'reality' of who we are.....the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yet with faith and trust, ever the ugly is not so ugly if brought before the Lord in prayer.--Br.MD
