Dealing with trauma

I have PTSD problems.. .Its been awhile since I got hit with big trauma..

I met a girl last year, she was from the streets.. She was exceptionally beautiful... She fell in love with me.. I fell in love with her..

I picked up the pace... then I broke down... I got scared.

She tried to to talk to me, but I wouldn't talk to her.

She ended up bringing someone else into the picture and dating them... They are happy and will probably get married..

I was dumped off to the side of the road and forgotten.

Im slowly working through it. I cant sleep, I cant do anything..

My view of her has to change... she is not who I thought she was... This taught me not to fall in love with Coke harlots from the streets...

Im on my knees to God all the time. At some point I have to grieve her loss, in the sense that she is never coming back and she was a true love to me.. So something has to give. It hurts so much... I was so close to being with her..
Now I know God never wanted me anywhere near her....

It seemed like a harmless thing at the time.

Now Im going through the ego reduction of having what I love taken from me..

My fantasy has been destroyed...

She actually acted like she was in love with me.

I doubt I will ever see her again.. I will never see her again... I never wanted things to end like this... I did not know this would end like this.. It sucks....

I have to trust God through these days of pain that I can get to the other side of things....

I have to get to the point that if I ever see her again, I ignore her as if I had never seen her before.

She is just street trash, nothing more...

I loved that street trash with all of me....

May God forgive me....