Darkness

I have been worried about condemnation again. I keep having bad thoughts and sometimes it seems more like I think these things than things popping up from nowhere. I feel like these judgemental or sadistic thoughts or attitudes creep up and I don't act lovingly people like I should. I get very easily irritated by my dad even though I should forgive, it's not like he's doing anything really bad to me. I just get so irritated and short-tempered, I thought of the servant forgiven his debt who goes and demands payment from a servant who owed him much less. I feel like a lot of my prayers are tainted in a way or maybe blocked by unbelief or pride/vanity. Like out in public or when microphones are present (like my phone, laptop, echo dot, etc.) in the room, I don't feel this paranoia like they're always listening but if I think about it, they seem to make me just think about how the device could hear me. Also, I wonder about how saving faith works, like how do I not just believe there is a God or Jesus lived and was crucified but believe to salvation? Also the scripture about Hebrews 10:26-31 (?) especially verse 29: "How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace?" I am afraid of having gone too far in the past, searing the conscience, being cut off or rejected.

I would appreciate prayers, and if anyone has scripture and help/advice please share it with me, that I can be set on the narrow path.