I was so not ready today and I saw tables with red coverings and I know the shape, how they set up communion plates. I was so nervous about should I take it should I not. I tried to pray for God to make me worthy but having so many impulsive and bad thoughts, it was frightening. Still, I ended up taking it. At first I had trouble swallowing the bread, I've felt a little sick and I hope that was not a sign of me being unworthy that I could not take it at first. The bread and wine were sweet, and seemed good. I thought about the Lutherans, I've been talking to them and it seems a lot of Lutheran things were brought up today. I thought of their communion theology, it is bread and the body of Jesus Christ, it is wine and the blood of Jesus Christ. I have to hope I have not sinned by taking unworthily, I did try to remember the Lutheran's general confession (did I get the name right?) and pray but of course my mind does not make it easy. I remember sometimes in the past, thinking about being hungry on communion days and being carnal, or as a kid not wanting to drink all of the wine. I need to be forgiven for that too. Maybe communion will strengthen my faith, that's something I hope, that communion may restore me some more and give me faith and peace.
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