The Road Trip

If anyone can tell me a forum to post this please. When I have said "... my car...." I am referring to a car that is usually the one I drive when I go somewhere but it does not actually belong to me. It is not stolen, I am allowed to drive it to school and stuff, but that phrasing - "my car" -...

I’ve been kind of all over the place recently. I have felt off and on sick the past few days, and some peace but also stress. Sunday I went up to an altar call and was so nervous I looked down and felt like crying and also nauseous (if I remember right) and tired later. I waited a while too...

Today has been a bad day. I have felt anxious about condemnation and yet feel like my brain keeps wanting to pull out bad thoughts. I didn’t have time to duel anyone and rushed off campus to go to a study meeting with classmates and the professor. I nearly hit someone because the evening wave of...

It seems like I have a growing problem with bitterness, anger, depression, and reckless selfishness. I am overwhelmed with bad thoughts, overwhelmed by some of the complex theology I see here. I should be more mature than I am, sometimes I feel like I know nothing spiritually. People argue and...

I still have to clean my school files.... Anyway! I condensed My Journey and The Roadtrip. I have kind of thought having a blog for spiritual things and less spiritual (as in, like school, or video games or whatever) was a bad thing, separating a spiritual side of life and aspects of everyday...

I sort of overheard/listened to a girl earlier explaining the story of Jesus, his disciples, and different people and stories from the gospels. It was something to think about, and playing chess with a guy I’d never met before he noticed one of my bracelets (one I was not wearing but showed him...

I have been worried about condemnation again. I keep having bad thoughts and sometimes it seems more like I think these things than things popping up from nowhere. I feel like these judgemental or sadistic thoughts or attitudes creep up and I don't act lovingly people like I should. I get very...

I feel sometimes hopeless. I feel a bit like I cannot remember my own past. I wonder what my testimony is, if I am saved, what happened at my baptism was it valid? I have the fear in my heart, “What if I’m one of those who just can’t believe?” or one who just won’t be saved. I feel that I sin...

I am unsure more and more it feels like. I worry about being hard of heart, not truly repentant or not truly having faith. I felt unworthy of communion and did not take it then cried for a reason I don’t know if I can articulate. I wonder sometimes if I should be re-baptized, but also if I can...

I have been dealing with doubt and unbelief recently. It makes me worry about my prayers, and I’ve had thoughts like, “How do I know I’m praying and not just saying words?” I can’t sleep well at night and feel sick and cold more often. I am afraid that I could be condemned. I would like to ask...

I dented my mom’s car and feel like a cold mess. I’ve hit the garage wall and that did not go over well, this is bad in a way I can’t exactly describe. I’ve damaged the car, and it was my fault, not like when someone scraped the truck my brother was using. The other truck was fine, I hit their...

Also when the number came up as a stall ticket to take out I thought about whoever took it would get the mark of the beast and then I had to end up taking it because the other carhops weren’t around or paying attention (update: in a situation like that I should take it if I'm closest or the only...

During my break and last class, my heartbeat was feeling too forceful and hardly working. In my last class I could tell I was making large movements with my lungs and ribs and it felt like my ribs were popping (like the way your fingers pop not like they were bursting). It got harder to breathe...

I don't know why, but today I had a weird thing happen to my ears I haven't felt in a while, I remember it from like freshman year but also sophomore or junior year. My ears will ring and/or have this sound like either an air conditioner or an airplane engine, sometimes I can't hear any real...

I had a weird dream. I do not remember the details well, but I do not like these vivid, "awake" dreams. Anyway, I woke up feeling bad. I think maybe because I have neglected bible reading lately, making excuses "it's too hard, I can't do it right..." and etc. for why I should just take a break...

I do not know if I have said before; my graphing calculator is missing. It was a Ti-84 silver c plus, basically, newer version than the school had, in color, capable of internet (update: it may not be, actually) I think and it had a lot of advanced features so it can do almost everything you...

It's about 2:30AM, I keep having bad dreams. Dreams full of sin, and I would rather not dream at all. But I woke up and I do not know why, but I had these thoughts about people saving themselves. I feel like I have in to evil from my heart and thought about twisted concepts that people saved...

Yes a lot of negative things.... I am feeling trapped by blasphemy again. Even this morning, I got stressed and angry trying to set up something that still won't work, and have all these crazy thoughts about rejecting salvation. This image I saw yesterday representing hell bothered me, and all...

Went totally fine! My nerves were not cut, I was tired not loopy so I wasn't filmed. I've just been super sleepy all day and probably wooo up really early because I slept a lot in the afternoon/evening.... I've eaten pudding, yogurt, and soup/spaghetti-o's. And I have a bunch of maceroni that I...

I downloaded a memory verse skill (app) for my echo dot. The first thing it gave me was this; “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” ‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:22-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬ Made me think hopefully, like...