My Eating Disorder

Neari
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It's been awhile since my last post.. I've been.. OK. I think I've been kinda neurotic lately though. My mom is still bugging me to eat more, but I have gained 15 lbs. (Which is good) :) But the doctor said I still need to gain at least 15 more lbs. And yesterday, all my (older) sister ate was a...
Neari
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I'm sorry, I binged again.. I feel so frustrated with myself right now. Why do I keep doing this to myself..?? I've been overeating too much lately. I'm supposed to take care of my body.. It's just been so hard with my whole situation.. It's driving me crazy that I can't stop thinking about...
Neari
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I don't like how I feel like my mom thinks the only way I can gain weight it by eating lots of meat and rice. She's constantly telling me to eat rice (with meat of course), and when I don't, I hear anger in her voice. Like, "Tskk, you need to eat more rice. Eat more." I wish she'd understand...
Neari
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I don't know why I keep doing this.. It's frustrating.. Sometimes I hear a voice inside me guiding me to stop. I've realized that I need to listen to this voice. I'm trying.. I trust that by continuously reading the Bible this voice will grow stronger and that I won't.. Relapse again. I can...
Neari
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I feel like I need some validation for my feelings, so I'm just going to let myself vent here to just release some negativity. I have been eating more, to the point that at every meal I strongly feel that I have overeaten. I kinda wish a loved one would recognize this.. I'm doing this for them...
Neari
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At first, to be honest.. I was really mad. I felt controlled and like I wanted her to start treating me like an adult. I was angry, thinking that I can still gain weight with green tea. However, after given some time to cool off and reflect, I understand that she really does just care about me...
Neari
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Apparently, teachers had noticed 'changes' in me, that I've gotten skinnier. I've always been skinny, but I guess I am, to bluntly put it, bony. I hate comparing myself to others, it's a horrible habit. It's hard not to though. I feel like my mom made me eat a lot today, I wish she wouldn't...
Neari
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I feel like whenever my mom sees me, it's always about food, related to food. I get so angry inside when she constantly, almost LITERALLY constantly, tells me 'eat more' and 'you need to eat more' and 'eat more rice'. I know its wrong but I just feel so much anger when she says those things. I'm...

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Neari
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