Being Ones Self

I have had a hard time recently being myself and it has been very painful for me. Its because of how I was treated when I was kidnapped and tortured. I was made to be someone I am not. I feel sad about that and they also acted as though Jesus Christ did not love me. It is hard to feel that Jesus Christ does not love me, which I often feel. I was treated very horribly by them and they abused me ritually, using things like my blood and body to sacrifice to the Devil. I cant stand what happened to me and it makes me feel worthless. I feel as though I am dirty and bad. I feel as though Jesus Christ loves them and not me. I feel as though if I never went on Second Life I would not have gone through this. I regret going on that site very much. There were so many devil worshipers on that site. My torturers said that God would forgive them and that hurt me alot because they do not truly feel sorry for hurting me. I wonder if Jesus Christ understands my pain.