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Blog Entries from KayScarpettaFan

  1. Longing You

    Dear Lord, on the last 24th of February, our trials have started. My husband is now officially jobless, and he has got a lupus diagnosis. The visa process looks difficult and uncertain, we will have to find a cosponsor. So, where is our miracle? My miracles is already here. All these trials have forced me to give a hard look at my relationship with You. I have been forced to acknowledge how selfish, ungrateful and childish I have been with You all my life. I came to You with my to do list...
  2. The To Do List

    Forgive me, Lord. Today You taught me an important lesson, and I do not want to forget it ever. I must thank this forum, too. Here I heard about a book called Frequency by Pastor Morris, it talks about the best way to find Your "frequency" and hear from You. And I bought it, because I wanted to hear from You. But why did I want to hear from You? You are right, Lord. I come to You with my to-do list, expecting You, the King of Kings, to comply. It is very childish and very selfish. You, on...
  3. When Does It End?

    It has been such a long journey until now, Lord. My husband's symptoms got very severe. Everything got severe. Financial hardships, the weight of solitude, the weight of life in general. I have been climbing for such a long time, Lord. It has been 50 years of climbing, so far. I meet people who are walking in a plain, and have been walking in a plain for their entire life, who tell me I do not have the right "attitude". It is is easy to praise You in a plain. They talk about depression...
  4. Is It Wrong To Ask For A Sign?

    How many things have been happening in these last months. I know You, Lord. I know You enough to understand that I have just to trust You. I should not be shaken by this storm. My husband's illness, the fact that doctors don't know what is wrong with him, the uncertainties such as FMLA and disability insurance, the lack of humanity of his bosses at work, the fact that he is unable to tie his shoes or getting up from bed and I am here 8,000 kms far from him......our visa in a limbo, no news,...
  5. Waiting For Your Light

    I praise You now in the middle of a bleak, bleak day, knowing that I will see You coming. Again. No my husband has not got lupus, no. Yes we will have provision. Yes the visa will be approved. Yes the registered letter I got today is nothing to worry about. I praise You in the middle of the fight. Waiting for Your light. I know I will see You, coming to my rescue, soon. Because You are good.
  6. I Do Not Need Lectures, I Need Your Love

    Dear Lord, this blog is a diary. It describes this journey, and it has been a difficult and scaring journey so far. But you know, Lord, I am always honest to You. I describe my true feelings here. I describe my doubts, my sadness. I have been disappointed because it looks like this somehow offends people here. It looks like I am always expected to look perfect or speak perfectly. I have to speak "Evangelical Christianese". But I am not like that to You. I open my heart and I am not scared...
  7. I Trust You, Lord

    You are asking me to praise You, Lord. And I am trying. I am trying to praise You with this entry. Even if now everything is dark, I know I will see You again. Even if I walk with a lump in my throat, I know I will walk with the joy in my heart. Evfen if it looks like You have forgotten me, I know it is not true. Don't be far from me for too long, Lord, as I miss the joy of Your presence. I know You are good and almighty and I know You keep Your promises. I will remind this to myself today,...
  8. Happiness Is My Goal

    This is my journey to happiness, and happiness is my goal. It has been a bumpy road so far. Even if the work problems were solved, in spite of a diagnosis of advanced rheumathoid arthritis , and with the doctor declaring my husband an invalid, his documents were not accepted for FMLA. Because "there is not a date about when the illness ends". It is sad, but chronic illnesses do not end. In spite of the illness, there is this, now? Last time the Lord showed up in unexpected way. As my husband...
  9. Praise The Lord :-)))

    I want to praise the Lord and all of you who prayed for me. My husband had troubles at his job. As I am applying for a visa it could have prevented us from being reunited. We were so worried and sad, for all the consequences. This is what happened. Because of the stress, my husband's pressure went sky high and he started feeling unwell. He went to hospital. They did not let him go home until his pressure stabilized. He suffers from rheumatoid arthritis too but he is always working and he...
  10. Commitment

    My fasting has ended. I have been left with a deep sense of peace. I am no more anxious about my husband's and my situation. I know, I feel that there is nothing to worry about. I have been given a new strength. I felt ready to commit to spend less time on social media. It has been a message I kept receiving from many different souces. This last fasting made it so clear. My son committed with me. We downloaded this application called Antisocial and it limits the time you can spend on social...
  11. Last Day Of Fasting

    It has been hard today Lord. It has never been so hard. But I am going to keep my promise and fasting until midnight. I know You hear me. I know You have been watching my struggles today. But You have never disappointed me. You are not going to disappoint me this time. I need You. I need to see You coming to help me. I know I will see You soon.
  12. 2nd Day Of Fasting

    This is my second day of fasting. It looks even more silent than yesterday. Because today Burian, the Russian storm, arrived on my town. Tons of snow are falling down, schools are closed and I am forced to stay at home for at least three days. So, the whole world has become silent. But I know You are listening to me, Lord. I know You are working in the background. I don't see You, I don't hear You. But You are working. You are doing something. It does not show. But I don't feel lonely, even...
  13. Fasting

    I am fasting today. I am used to fasting days being days of silence. There is silence all around me. No mails, no calls. It looks like I am invisible in a suspended reality. Friends are silent too. You, Lord, are silent. But I know You are watching me. I keep remembering the words of that worship song by Hebron, it says "Why are you screaming? I have heard you, I am here to help. Open your eyes, watch your miracle. Let's cross this sea together. Do you feel this wind? I sent it to guide...
  14. Day 3

    This is the 3rd day of prayers. I have been praying privately, many people have prayed on this forum, my brothers at the church have prayed, and I have requested a 40 days prayers at The Wall. I received a very good advice on this forum today. My husband pretends that everything is okay, but his voice cracks. I hate being far from him and being unable to help and support him when he is sad. I miss him. Very much. But it was the Lord who brought us together and I am awaiting a miracle.I know...
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