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Blog Entries from Emma1975

  1. et tu Brutus?

    Oh, not again!! ROM 8:15-19 15 I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I can't. I do what I don't want to - what I hate.16 I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience proves that I agree with these laws I am breaking.17 But I can't help myself, because I am no longer doing it. It is sin inside me that is stronger than I am that makes me do these evil things. 18 I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old...
  2. How kind.

    Right so, there's no point beating myself up over my transgression. What's done is done. i felt very strongly at the time that it was not what I wanted to do, and that I shouldn't, and afterwards it has been abundantly clear that those strong feelings of 'don't do this' were there for good reason, which I already knew of course. But mistakes are valuable learning experiences. Partly I wanted to see if it would wash all this away, if it would put me firmly back in to a life I recognise and am...
  3. Mea culpa.

    First major test. First major failure. The spirit is willing but not willing enough it would seem. I knew I would fail there. I should have avoided the situation better. But also I wanted to feel something normal, something of myself. And of course now I wish I hadn't bothered, I don't feel a bit good about it. And it's opened up a can of worms. It's often been a rather guilt laden affair for me, even before. I just feel flat, I've let myself fall, it seemed inevitable. Probably it didn't...
  4. I'm probably overthinking this whole thing.

    I'm probably overthinking this whole thing.
  5. The right words

    Various books and chapters have been suggested to me, as I am reading the New Testament for the first time - being brought up and educated Catholic I have of course heard much of it in school and at Mass, but it never really occurred to me to listen - I have an online Bible study of John which i am following, and someone kindly suggested reading Proverbs, a chapter a night. However, I found myself reading Romans for no particular reason. Having never read The Bible before I can't go to...
  6. lost and knotted.

    i am tiring from the effort of maintaining a facade of everything is wonderful. I am doubting the things that I felt had any meaning other than wishful thinking, a willingness to believe in something beautiful because of a need for it. Maybe none of it is true or real. I was much happier before any of this. I was happy with my achievements and feeling very positive, but now this idea that there is a right path feels like an enormous pressure to find it and do things right. How am I to know?...
  7. Caution - long winded account of how I got here.

    How has God led me into a relationship with him? I think it's been a long time coming. I think He's been influencing my life for longer than I knew. But recently I met a friend, someone I used to know a long time ago. Back then he was in a bad way, addicted to heroin. He told me when we met again (12- 13 years later) about how his life had turned around because he met God. God saved him, showed him a path and offered it to him, and my friend chose to walk with God from that day. He has had...
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