Well, I switched back to the hell blog because now I'm feeling like I'm going to hell again. I was trying to be optimistic but now I feel really bad again. The voices in my head keep telling me to quit college or else suffer the consequences. I'm really afraid that Jesus will put me in hell in the form of a coffin.
The good part of today was that I got some work done on the game I've been making.
The bad part is everything else. I'm so tired of these voices in my head. I used to be happy that I got a good voice. I had prayed to God to give me a good voice to balance out the evil voice. Now I hate the good voice just as much as I hate the bad voice because the good voice is telling me to quit school just as much as the bad voice. The good voice keeps saying, "I don't want to go to hell man. Just quit!"
I hate myself so much. I can't believe how bad I screwed things up. I feel like I must be the most terrible person of all time because I don't think anyone else has voices like these. Most people with schizophrenia have their voices taken away by medication. I'm taking a lot of medication and I still hear voices all day long. Maybe I could try a medication change, but I don't know what to do without the Clozaryl. I can't sleep due to the voices if I don't take the Clozaryl. The Clozaryl is the only medication that has helped me. Maybe I can try taking another antipsychotic along with the Clozaryl. I haven't tried Seroquel yet.
I'm pretty sure I will go to hell soon. A voice in my head said that I should be in hell by August 25th. I'm paranoid that I'm just going to be teleported into hell. I've seen things being teleported and I feel like that is a sign from God that I will be teleported. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I've been given signs from God. I feel like it's more evidence that I'm terrible because they usually let a person die before they go to hell.
Sorry I'm so pessimistic. I have a hard time finding hope sometimes. I really should be happy for what I have that is good.
The good part of today was that I got some work done on the game I've been making.
The bad part is everything else. I'm so tired of these voices in my head. I used to be happy that I got a good voice. I had prayed to God to give me a good voice to balance out the evil voice. Now I hate the good voice just as much as I hate the bad voice because the good voice is telling me to quit school just as much as the bad voice. The good voice keeps saying, "I don't want to go to hell man. Just quit!"
I hate myself so much. I can't believe how bad I screwed things up. I feel like I must be the most terrible person of all time because I don't think anyone else has voices like these. Most people with schizophrenia have their voices taken away by medication. I'm taking a lot of medication and I still hear voices all day long. Maybe I could try a medication change, but I don't know what to do without the Clozaryl. I can't sleep due to the voices if I don't take the Clozaryl. The Clozaryl is the only medication that has helped me. Maybe I can try taking another antipsychotic along with the Clozaryl. I haven't tried Seroquel yet.
I'm pretty sure I will go to hell soon. A voice in my head said that I should be in hell by August 25th. I'm paranoid that I'm just going to be teleported into hell. I've seen things being teleported and I feel like that is a sign from God that I will be teleported. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I've been given signs from God. I feel like it's more evidence that I'm terrible because they usually let a person die before they go to hell.
Sorry I'm so pessimistic. I have a hard time finding hope sometimes. I really should be happy for what I have that is good.
