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April 13th

  1. Well, I want to be more optimistic. I keep thinking I'm going to hell though. I keep thinking that if I get a certain grade in school then I will be instantly put into hell. I really like school, but it has become very hard for me to go to school because I have this belief. I didn't used to care so much about my grades, but now it seems to be a matter of life and death.

    I want to believe God loves me, but I hear voices in my head all the time that are very distressing. One of the voices I hear laughs at my constantly. He loves it when bad things happen to me. Whenever something bad happens to me, he starts laughing and he will laugh and laugh and laugh.

    One of the other voices tells me God loves me. He says that just because I hear voices doesn't mean God hates me. He says I'm not a bad person. He says that I have a choice whether to be bad or good, and the past doesn't really matter. He says that the past is in the past and I can choose whether to be bad or good in the present.

    This makes me feel better, but I often argue with the voice, saying that my past is too bad to be forgiven. I cite all the numerous bad things I've done. If I'm ever going to feel better, I'll have to let go of the past. The past weighs heavy on me and I often feel unforgivable.

    If you read this, please pray for me. I want things to get better, but I always fear that things will get worse and worse. I'm really afraid of going to hell. The voices in my head make me feel bad all the time.

Comments

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  1. forlovingHim
    Hello, SnowTiger. I felt your pain when I read this. I’m really sorry that’s been happening to you. Do you have a trusted friend or family member in real life that you can talk to about the voices?

    Some people don’t have that, so either way I understand. I do want you to know that I am praying for you and that whenever you’re in doubt or don’t feel well, that what God says about you can be found in the Bible, wherever it is describing His love. Everything is going to be okay. It’s good that you share your pain instead of keeping too much inside.

    A short prayer for you that you can pray with me when you read this, right here: “Heavenly Father, we thank you for your goodness and for the healing and saving power of your only begotten son, Jesus. We know that nothing is too much for you, Lord, and we know that your love for us is unconditional and always good. We offer to you right now the needs of your precious child who is struggling with the voices that cause confusion and worry, and ask that your healing is given so that all of the pain is gone and only the peace and joy of knowing and loving you remains. We thank you for doing this, Father, in Jesus’ Holy Name. Amen.”

    I hope that helped, SnowTiger. Please feel free to message me back, or one of the chaplains as well. Jesus loves you so much and you are never abandoned by Him. He can always help you, no matter what. :)

    -Sarah
    1. SnowTiger
      Thank you for the nice comment and the prayers! I really struggle with voices, guilt, and the fear of hell a lot. It helps to hear positive things instead of negative ones. Thank you!
      forlovingHim likes this.
    2. forlovingHim
      Always! Jesus paid it all, so it helps me to have peace whenever *I* struggle to think about how His incredible love outweighs anything bad that I could ever do. I always want other people to remember that He loves them that much and that because He gave His life in exchange for everyone else’s, those who call Him Lord don’t have to suffer Hell. I just feel like giving cyber-hugs now, lol. *hugs* :D
    3. SnowTiger
      I want to believe it. There were times when I did believe it. The voices and other weird things that happened to me always choke off my belief. I think the devil is really out to get me. Thank you for the hugs. It helps to hear some positive messages. I think a lot of people want to help me with the gospel and I need to find some way to let the love in.
      forlovingHim likes this.