I can't wait for Christmas. I am counting down to it on my calendar in my room. Today I struggled with memories of my ritual abuse. I felt worthless and bad. But Jesus made me feel beautiful. He made me realize I have been through a lot and that I am doing good by taking it one day at a time. He let me know he was proud of me for praying for my abusers, particularly Silver. He let me know I was precious to him and that he wanted me to be well. He told me he will help me with my weight when I am finally off my medication, which should be soon. He comforted me and let me know that he himself was tortured and abused, mocked and ridiculed and that he suffered terribly. He let me know that he himself was not able to avoid torture. Jesus let me know it hurt him deeply to be tortured and that he understands my suffering.