After almost coincidentally running into a number of transgendered brothers and sisters in Christ, and a few brothers struggling with same-sex attractions I wondered about identity and what it all was supposed to mean.
I had my own identity struggles, but mine are another story. My point is that I could not for the life of me understand the complex journeys other people had taken. I could not understand that despite whatever confusions or misguidedness they had, all I could do was think of them as brothers or sisters. I did not know their hearts, sadly, and so I couldn't really know if they had done the right or wrong thing on their journeys of choosing to accept or deny their sexual and gender identity struggles. I was pretty certain that the Bible had a specific viewpoint, but so were they.
Ultimately, however, I realized that people can make the Bible say a lot of things. God wants me to lose weight. God wants me to learn social skills. God wants me to stay the way I am. God wants me to reduce my carbon footprint. God wants me to vote for a certain person in the next election. God wants me to marry this person. And so on and so forth.
In this struggle to understand how people's minds could differ from my own on things that seemed to be non-negotiable, I wrote the following for catharsis:
“Acceptance versus change”—A manifesto on identity
Many people go through life with labels. Sometimes they come in the form of personality traits, like “fat”, “geek”, “loser”, “retarded”. Other times they come in the form of mental struggles and diagnoses, making someone “autistic”, “schizophrenic”, “handicapped”, etc. Still more come when a person is filled with worries—about who they really are, how they perceive the world around them, if they were born in the “wrong body/gender”, etc.
No matter their cause—biological, psychological, developmental, genetic, or societal—a sense of freakishness arises. A sense of abnormality. A sense that this freakishness must be corrected, in some way or another.
And this abnormality creeps up on a person and becomes a label, a label that the person would never admit defines so much of their life. And yet it does, not because they want it to or because they’re proud of it doing that, but because they are basing themselves on how humanity sees them—rather than how God sees them.
It is best for every Christian to remember that his or her identity is in Christ. Not in feelings, thoughts, attractions, physical appearance, background, nationality, ethnicity, etc. Only when this is recognized can one truly make peace with who they are.
Does this mean that no steps should be taken to “correct” identity? Not necessarily. People with mental disorders must help those around them understand that they are not truly insane. Gender dysphoric people may decide that they need to change their gender physically and hormonally so that they will not feel the pain of being something that they feel are not. A gay person may decide to come out of the closet and decide what to do about his or sexuality from there—and hopefully they will make a Biblical choice on this matter. An obese person may have to lose weight. A jerk may have to become less of one.
But how one goes about doing these things makes a big difference. If one’s identity is based off of what one does to normalize oneself, either from one’s own self-perception or from other people’s perceptions, then what sort of identity is that? Is one’s identity only defined by what one is born with, or what one experiences, or what one does for a living, or one’s talents, or one’s successes or failures or evaluations by other people?
No. Some would say that one is the sum of all these things. But even then, Christ is missing from the equation.
Adding Christ to this great identity equation is like multiplying by zero—no matter what your other variables are you get zero. This is not to say that “you are a zero”, however—it means that you and your struggles can inevitably be “multiplied by zero” to get the same result as everyone else.
There is your normality. Not in who you are, or what you do, or you who you become, or who you strive to make others perceive you differently. What matters is the result of the equation is zero, or some other number.
Because zero is a just a single number among endless numbers, not everyone gets this result. The road to Heaven is narrow.
No matter what you struggle with, God loves you just the way you are—and yet He also loves you so much that He might invite you to change. But perhaps that change comes in a way that you do not expect. Maybe it’s not your gender or sexuality or your weight or your personality or your job or your appearance that needs changing, but how you perceive those things.
Remember that no matter what you struggle with and where you are on your journey towards normalization, God will ultimately and completely satisfy you in a way that nothing else can. He will multiply your labels, desires, skills, and identity by zero—and then all else will fall away.
The equation will still be there, having given you a different set of life experiences than other people. You might arrive at different conclusions about your identity than they did their own identities. And God will still love you despite your change, whether it’s sinful or otherwise. But none of it will matter in light of the fact that for all of you, the answer to the equation is zero.
And in the next life, that is how much all of it will matter. Zero.
Having said all of that, I felt like God was compelling me to answer questions that most Christians never do have to answer--questions which ultimately have a subjective answer because the absolute one has been obscured by ignorance and sin. And we can only piece together clues about what it is. We grasp at different parts of the creature, unaware that we are touching an elephant until it trumpets, perhaps surprising us--or not.
The elephant was my favorite animal as a kid
In the end, though, every Christian must multiply by zero. They must give up the human aspects about them--the parts of their identities that have shaped who they are and how they think--and remember that they mean really mean nothing to God.
Did God cause them? Did He allow them? Does He care when we suffer over this question, as I did? I believe He does.
But He gives us the strength to answer, even if that answer seems to be different from another person's.
But no matter what your equation looks like compared to another person's, no matter what conclusions they arrive at, your answers are the same. It's just all a big, fat zero, the number that we always wished it would be.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone simply told you, "It doesn't matter what you or feel. I will guide you. I will be your identity for you"? That is what God does for each one of us.
So if you are struggling with something--a sin, an insecurity, a sexual issue, past trauma, gender identity, loneliness, misery, or just plain uncertainty--please remember that although the rest of us believers may not understand the variables in your equation, or the math you used to come to that, your answer is no different from the rest of ours. What matter is whether you are a sheep or a goat. And only you know if you have multiplied by zero. No one else can decide for you.
People whose identities are based off some skewed self-perception or of how others see them can hopefully realize that those things about themselves that they felt they needed to normalize may not be the most important thing ever. Autistic people might not have to learn every unwritten social rule. A gender dsyphoric person may not need a sex change. A gay person may not to enter into a same-sex relationship and work to convince his or her Christian brothers and sisters that such a thing is approved by the Bible. An obese person may not need to lose as much weight as they thought. A bitter and angry person may not have to resign himself or herself to bitterness. A nerd may not need to get new interests. An athlete may not need to take steroids to make themselves the strongest and fastest. And so on and so forth.
These things are all possible, and in some cases some will argue that none are sinful--I disagree, but my point here is not to distinguish the two. The point is that the works are done in pursuit of an identity--to achieve some sort of satisfaction, normality, or even superiority for oneself.
But I would boldly argue that NONE of these things are "needed". They may appear to be needed, but in light of Christ such things should make no difference. If you change with the idea that you can become completely different independent of Christ, you'll find that a part of your old self still lingers.
To truly find your identity, base it on Christ, not anything else. You can enact whatever changes about yourself that you want, but if you do so in light of the fact that they do not truly matter, you will find peace and the acceptance you have been searching for--and God will decide what needs changing.
Remember that your identity is in Christ, and that no matter who you are, what you do, or how you see yourself, He loves you so much that He wants to eliminate your sin and show that nothing about yourself truly defines you save for Him.
And then? "Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him,. Your roots will gorwn down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then [and only then!] you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19
I had my own identity struggles, but mine are another story. My point is that I could not for the life of me understand the complex journeys other people had taken. I could not understand that despite whatever confusions or misguidedness they had, all I could do was think of them as brothers or sisters. I did not know their hearts, sadly, and so I couldn't really know if they had done the right or wrong thing on their journeys of choosing to accept or deny their sexual and gender identity struggles. I was pretty certain that the Bible had a specific viewpoint, but so were they.
Ultimately, however, I realized that people can make the Bible say a lot of things. God wants me to lose weight. God wants me to learn social skills. God wants me to stay the way I am. God wants me to reduce my carbon footprint. God wants me to vote for a certain person in the next election. God wants me to marry this person. And so on and so forth.
In this struggle to understand how people's minds could differ from my own on things that seemed to be non-negotiable, I wrote the following for catharsis:
“Acceptance versus change”—A manifesto on identity
Many people go through life with labels. Sometimes they come in the form of personality traits, like “fat”, “geek”, “loser”, “retarded”. Other times they come in the form of mental struggles and diagnoses, making someone “autistic”, “schizophrenic”, “handicapped”, etc. Still more come when a person is filled with worries—about who they really are, how they perceive the world around them, if they were born in the “wrong body/gender”, etc.
No matter their cause—biological, psychological, developmental, genetic, or societal—a sense of freakishness arises. A sense of abnormality. A sense that this freakishness must be corrected, in some way or another.
And this abnormality creeps up on a person and becomes a label, a label that the person would never admit defines so much of their life. And yet it does, not because they want it to or because they’re proud of it doing that, but because they are basing themselves on how humanity sees them—rather than how God sees them.
It is best for every Christian to remember that his or her identity is in Christ. Not in feelings, thoughts, attractions, physical appearance, background, nationality, ethnicity, etc. Only when this is recognized can one truly make peace with who they are.
Does this mean that no steps should be taken to “correct” identity? Not necessarily. People with mental disorders must help those around them understand that they are not truly insane. Gender dysphoric people may decide that they need to change their gender physically and hormonally so that they will not feel the pain of being something that they feel are not. A gay person may decide to come out of the closet and decide what to do about his or sexuality from there—and hopefully they will make a Biblical choice on this matter. An obese person may have to lose weight. A jerk may have to become less of one.
But how one goes about doing these things makes a big difference. If one’s identity is based off of what one does to normalize oneself, either from one’s own self-perception or from other people’s perceptions, then what sort of identity is that? Is one’s identity only defined by what one is born with, or what one experiences, or what one does for a living, or one’s talents, or one’s successes or failures or evaluations by other people?
No. Some would say that one is the sum of all these things. But even then, Christ is missing from the equation.
Adding Christ to this great identity equation is like multiplying by zero—no matter what your other variables are you get zero. This is not to say that “you are a zero”, however—it means that you and your struggles can inevitably be “multiplied by zero” to get the same result as everyone else.
There is your normality. Not in who you are, or what you do, or you who you become, or who you strive to make others perceive you differently. What matters is the result of the equation is zero, or some other number.
Because zero is a just a single number among endless numbers, not everyone gets this result. The road to Heaven is narrow.
No matter what you struggle with, God loves you just the way you are—and yet He also loves you so much that He might invite you to change. But perhaps that change comes in a way that you do not expect. Maybe it’s not your gender or sexuality or your weight or your personality or your job or your appearance that needs changing, but how you perceive those things.
Remember that no matter what you struggle with and where you are on your journey towards normalization, God will ultimately and completely satisfy you in a way that nothing else can. He will multiply your labels, desires, skills, and identity by zero—and then all else will fall away.
The equation will still be there, having given you a different set of life experiences than other people. You might arrive at different conclusions about your identity than they did their own identities. And God will still love you despite your change, whether it’s sinful or otherwise. But none of it will matter in light of the fact that for all of you, the answer to the equation is zero.
And in the next life, that is how much all of it will matter. Zero.
Having said all of that, I felt like God was compelling me to answer questions that most Christians never do have to answer--questions which ultimately have a subjective answer because the absolute one has been obscured by ignorance and sin. And we can only piece together clues about what it is. We grasp at different parts of the creature, unaware that we are touching an elephant until it trumpets, perhaps surprising us--or not.
The elephant was my favorite animal as a kid
In the end, though, every Christian must multiply by zero. They must give up the human aspects about them--the parts of their identities that have shaped who they are and how they think--and remember that they mean really mean nothing to God.
Did God cause them? Did He allow them? Does He care when we suffer over this question, as I did? I believe He does.
But He gives us the strength to answer, even if that answer seems to be different from another person's.
But no matter what your equation looks like compared to another person's, no matter what conclusions they arrive at, your answers are the same. It's just all a big, fat zero, the number that we always wished it would be.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone simply told you, "It doesn't matter what you or feel. I will guide you. I will be your identity for you"? That is what God does for each one of us.
So if you are struggling with something--a sin, an insecurity, a sexual issue, past trauma, gender identity, loneliness, misery, or just plain uncertainty--please remember that although the rest of us believers may not understand the variables in your equation, or the math you used to come to that, your answer is no different from the rest of ours. What matter is whether you are a sheep or a goat. And only you know if you have multiplied by zero. No one else can decide for you.
People whose identities are based off some skewed self-perception or of how others see them can hopefully realize that those things about themselves that they felt they needed to normalize may not be the most important thing ever. Autistic people might not have to learn every unwritten social rule. A gender dsyphoric person may not need a sex change. A gay person may not to enter into a same-sex relationship and work to convince his or her Christian brothers and sisters that such a thing is approved by the Bible. An obese person may not need to lose as much weight as they thought. A bitter and angry person may not have to resign himself or herself to bitterness. A nerd may not need to get new interests. An athlete may not need to take steroids to make themselves the strongest and fastest. And so on and so forth.
These things are all possible, and in some cases some will argue that none are sinful--I disagree, but my point here is not to distinguish the two. The point is that the works are done in pursuit of an identity--to achieve some sort of satisfaction, normality, or even superiority for oneself.
But I would boldly argue that NONE of these things are "needed". They may appear to be needed, but in light of Christ such things should make no difference. If you change with the idea that you can become completely different independent of Christ, you'll find that a part of your old self still lingers.
To truly find your identity, base it on Christ, not anything else. You can enact whatever changes about yourself that you want, but if you do so in light of the fact that they do not truly matter, you will find peace and the acceptance you have been searching for--and God will decide what needs changing.
Remember that your identity is in Christ, and that no matter who you are, what you do, or how you see yourself, He loves you so much that He wants to eliminate your sin and show that nothing about yourself truly defines you save for Him.
And then? "Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him,. Your roots will gorwn down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then [and only then!] you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19
