Ever since I found Christ a little over 6 years ago, I've kind of been under a curse where I am in constant fear of not making it to heaven. I haven't lost my love for God in these 6 years, and I was immediately on fire for Jesus back then.... but it's taking me such a long time to heal from my dark past. My dad was really narcissistic and abusive growing up and that made me very insecure as a person. I've had a spirit of rejection basically my whole life, my dad never taught me anything about my identity, and lately I've just been feeling so insecure about myself as a person, because I know there is nothing in the world for me that I desire but then I don't feel like I even know who I am as a person.
Anyway, I'm trying not to be so self-centered and to focus completely on God. The other day, while having such a hard time, my hand started automatically typing this letter to myself on my phone and I'm pretty sure it was God, so I thought I would share it. I think others would enjoy it:
"Hey Bo. I love you. You are my son. You will make it. I am not mad at you. Yes, you do need to repent more, but it takes time. I didn't create you to be instantly perfect. Have some grace on yourself and you will learn to have grace on others. I love you more than you can possibly imagine and I can't wait for you to come home. I know you are scared of not making it, but there's no need to be. I have already chosen you and will continue to sanctify and perfect you. It will only get better from here and people will be amazed when they see My glory shining through you. You are mine. Fear not. The reason you feel the way you do is because your soul is still damaged. Once your soul is healed completely, then everything will make perfect sense, I promise. You will bring many into My Kingdom and no one will be able to stop you. Stop worrying, for all of your needs are already taken care of.
-Love,
God
PS- I think a 40 day fast in the wilderness is a great idea
"
Anyway, I'm trying not to be so self-centered and to focus completely on God. The other day, while having such a hard time, my hand started automatically typing this letter to myself on my phone and I'm pretty sure it was God, so I thought I would share it. I think others would enjoy it:
"Hey Bo. I love you. You are my son. You will make it. I am not mad at you. Yes, you do need to repent more, but it takes time. I didn't create you to be instantly perfect. Have some grace on yourself and you will learn to have grace on others. I love you more than you can possibly imagine and I can't wait for you to come home. I know you are scared of not making it, but there's no need to be. I have already chosen you and will continue to sanctify and perfect you. It will only get better from here and people will be amazed when they see My glory shining through you. You are mine. Fear not. The reason you feel the way you do is because your soul is still damaged. Once your soul is healed completely, then everything will make perfect sense, I promise. You will bring many into My Kingdom and no one will be able to stop you. Stop worrying, for all of your needs are already taken care of.
-Love,
God
PS- I think a 40 day fast in the wilderness is a great idea
"
