Yo, can someone listen? I'm having trouble trusting God

[Nikkideamus]

So, life sucks, right now. And it has for a while.
I'm in college, away from my family. I realize now that I'm super duper not straight. I'm always sad, and beating myself up, and just not functionally at the capacity God wanted me to.

And the worst thing is, I can't ask God for help. I know He might if I let Him, but I just feel so...ungracious everytime I do so. I know that prayer without faith is just sorta nagging God, instead of legitimately asking for it. And my faith is so dead, and it has been forever. Like, who am I to ask God to save my from temptation when I openly expose myself to it? I don't know.
Some people say I'm not even really Christian at this point, because I don't trust Him. And I'm worried about that. Everyone says homosexuals can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who have mental illness can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who commit suicide can't get to Heaven (statistically speaking, that'll probably be me too), and some people even say feminine guys or masculine girls can't get to Heaven (feminine guy, right here, what's up?). So....yeah, I'm living in fear that even though I love God (that I know is true. I cling and cry and beg and plead for Him to love me back), that I may not be "saved enough" to go to Heaven...and...and it's hard to trust God when you fear He'll throw you into the fire even if you gave everything you have, your future, your dreams, your everything, to Him.

Really scared, really lost, really tired, and really in need of someone who will just...listen. (Of course God listens, but it sometimes is hard to remember that He pays attention too)
Thanks for reading. Loves

 

[Winken]

When, where and how did you become a Christian?

 

[LaSorcia]

Praying for you. Hoping you see through the illusion and lies that evil is telling you to keep you from trusting God. If it makes you feel any better, evil does it to all of us.

 

[Jeshu]

Please don't find your identity in the wrongs that have befallen you but find your identity in the loving truth of Jesus Christ. You are a child of God and need to be rescued from your sins - the same as everyone else!

Great to hear that you love God though, know that God loves you as well.

Understand that God offers you grace so that you can gain the ability to flee your sinful life not establish it. A life of thankfulness teaches us that His Word is totally reliable to cleanse us from our sins.

Hang around here. There are many people here who will pray for you and support you when you are going through hard times. We all struggle with wrong in our lives and understand how hard life is for those who are mentally ill and/or depressed.

That God's peace dwell within you.

Peace

 

[Swan7]

So, life sucks, right now. And it has for a while.
I'm in college, away from my family. I realize now that I'm super duper not straight. I'm always sad, and beating myself up, and just not functionally at the capacity God wanted me to.

And the worst thing is, I can't ask God for help. I know He might if I let Him, but I just feel so...ungracious everytime I do so. I know that prayer without faith is just sorta nagging God, instead of legitimately asking for it. And my faith is so dead, and it has been forever. Like, who am I to ask God to save my from temptation when I openly expose myself to it? I don't know.
Some people say I'm not even really Christian at this point, because I don't trust Him. And I'm worried about that. Everyone says homosexuals can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who have mental illness can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who commit suicide can't get to Heaven (statistically speaking, that'll probably be me too), and some people even say feminine guys or masculine girls can't get to Heaven (feminine guy, right here, what's up?). So....yeah, I'm living in fear that even though I love God (that I know is true. I cling and cry and beg and plead for Him to love me back), that I may not be "saved enough" to go to Heaven...and...and it's hard to trust God when you fear He'll throw you into the fire even if you gave everything you have, your future, your dreams, your everything, to Him.

Really scared, really lost, really tired, and really in need of someone who will just...listen. (Of course God listens, but it sometimes is hard to remember that He pays attention too)
Thanks for reading. Loves

Don't let anyone tell you you're going to hell because of a few slip ups. In fact, even believers cannot condemn you because they are not free from sin either.

James 4:12
"There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy..."

John 8:1-11

I was in your shoes, the issue of trusting God and feeling so unworthy and felt like such a bother to Him. This is (at least for me) an issue of losing your walk with Him. I had stopped reading my Bible and slowly my prayers died along with my faith in Him. My relationship with Him was no where to be found, though I still believed. I just felt like... how can He love someone like me? So sinful and not worth His time and effort.

I was lost.

And then found. God tugged on my heart to come back to Him and I listened. I began my search for Him over again and getting to know Him better. He left me a trail and I followed. Reading the Bible and praying without cease has become a daily basis. I've realized the importance of prayer and seeking Him always.

I've asked God to renew my heart, mind and spirit - and you can too. He hears you and He is waiting for you to let Him in and help you.

Romans 5:8
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

 

[Poster0]

I hear you friend. I understand the need to be heard, i talk a lot. Im not qualified to be your guide, but i think that if you guard your eyes and your thoughts against the things in this Godless world, then you will be much happier. THe bible teaches us to guard our heart. I dont know exactly what that means but to me personally it means to guard my eyes and thoughts from the Godlessness around me. Not that i am better than this world, but i do wish to not allow myself to be devoured by it. I fight no matter how much i fail. I want to follow truth.. The apostle paul teaches us to think about what is pure and true. I have many things in my mind which i must resist. Take it one day at a time, never give up, and try to separate yourself from this world by avoiding the images and voices that can be seen and heard in it. Fight the fight of faith, flee from the ungodliness around you and follow the truth. That's all i know friend. My prayers are with you, with myself, and this whole forum. May the Lord be with us.

 

[Nikkideamus]

When, where and how did you become a Christian?

Uhm, about 7 years ago, during the Summer between my 6th and 7th grade. I mean, I was born and raised in a Christian home, but I really didn't really believe until then. How? Uhm? I just sorta....I don't know, felt something greater than me. Eventually I read some scientific theories attempting to prove God exists, and those have been a rock in my faith, having God scientifically proven to me.

Is any of this relevant? Lol

 

[Swan7]

I think Winken might be asking for your Testimony...? I think?

You know, now that I think on it, why not write out your life's story? This might even help you with your search for Him. I've been doing the same and by remembering the past, I can see where God has helped me and taught me lessons I needed to learn - sometimes even the hard way. This also helps me remember how He speaks to me.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Listen, there's no need to feel so awful about yourself. I myself have Asperger's Syndrome, and I had my fair share of sexual identity struggles (I don't think I'm gay, but bad habits suggested I was bisexual, long story). So I guess I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I'm even kind of un-manly looking!

Many times I looked on my life and lived in fear of what people would think of me--what if they knew what I had done? Would my whole life be ruined? It sure looked like it.

But what I realized eventually--and what YOU need to realize, too--is that God does not expect you to improve yourself. He improves you, He makes you a new creation and gives you a defense against your sinful nature (General you, not you specifically).

And have nothing to do with these bigoted, heartless people that say you'll go to Hell. They don't know your heart, and I can see that you clearly understand your sin and want to have a relationship with God. I used to think that being some sort of "sexual minority", due to the influence of secular lgbt groups, were probably unlikely to be saved since they'd all stubbornly insist that their orinentation wasn't sinful since they were all born with it or something. (I, for one, was not "born" with a sexual orientation, it developed over time). but I was wrong. There are plenty of Christians willing to denounce homosexuality despite having same-sex attractions. And I'd say that they're not the ones in denial.

Regardless, unless you have had sex with another person of the same gender you really can't call yourself a person that has committed homosexuality. But whether you or you haven't, God understands and wants your loyalty. Making a mistake is understandable so long as you acknowledge that mistake.

As for mental illness, again, I used to think that people with Asperger's Syndrome were more likely to be unsaved due to their brains not being able to grasp some aspects of theology and not be able to do well in church, but I was wrong about that! Turns out there are plenty of Christians with Asperger's, of all sorts of denominations and persuasions. Human beings beings are all unique, but all made in the Image of God. That includes you, too

And as for being or looking effeminate, your physical appearance mostly can't be helped. I don't like the way my body is a lot, but it's still mine and still beautiful because it's God's even if He is the only one who thinks so. And working out can help, if you're especially concerned about it.

So don't feel so ashamed and run to Christ, who loves you and wants to liberate you from sin and misery. God bless!

 

[O~Town]

So, life sucks, right now. And it has for a while.
I'm in college, away from my family. I realize now that I'm super duper not straight. I'm always sad, and beating myself up, and just not functionally at the capacity God wanted me to.

And the worst thing is, I can't ask God for help. I know He might if I let Him, but I just feel so...ungracious everytime I do so. I know that prayer without faith is just sorta nagging God, instead of legitimately asking for it. And my faith is so dead, and it has been forever. Like, who am I to ask God to save my from temptation when I openly expose myself to it? I don't know.
Some people say I'm not even really Christian at this point, because I don't trust Him. And I'm worried about that. Everyone says homosexuals can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who have mental illness can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who commit suicide can't get to Heaven (statistically speaking, that'll probably be me too), and some people even say feminine guys or masculine girls can't get to Heaven (feminine guy, right here, what's up?). So....yeah, I'm living in fear that even though I love God (that I know is true. I cling and cry and beg and plead for Him to love me back), that I may not be "saved enough" to go to Heaven...and...and it's hard to trust God when you fear He'll throw you into the fire even if you gave everything you have, your future, your dreams, your everything, to Him.

Really scared, really lost, really tired, and really in need of someone who will just...listen. (Of course God listens, but it sometimes is hard to remember that He pays attention too)
Thanks for reading. Loves

You are actually on the right track. You have identified your challenges... I strongly recommend attaching yourself to friends and family that will speak truth in accordance with the word of God. If someone constantly affirms you in sin then they are not concerned about your relationship with God. There is strong conviction and repentance that is hovering over you. It's time for you to free yourself--only you can do that. I believe freedom comes through prayer and application of the word of God. Let it become your constant. Rise in it, eat from it, rest in it. It should be the very thing that condemns and corrects. Also, having homosexual feelings/tendencies is a sin-struggle that will manifest itself if you act on its emotions. Every person has a sin-struggle...something that you constantly deal with that is contrary to God's will and His word. Identify it (which you have) and keep it in check. You're no different from a heterosexual that has a sin-struggle with inappropriate contentography or adultery. You can do this...you are able and well equipped to defy all odds. Just remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step... [Also read Proverbs 3:5-6, John 8:1-11]

 

[Nikkideamus]

I think Winken might be asking for your Testimony...? I think?

You know, now that I think on it, why not write out your life's story? This might even help you with your search for Him. I've been doing the same and by remembering the past, I can see where God has helped me and taught me lessons I needed to learn - sometimes even the hard way. This also helps me remember how He speaks to me.

That's actually a pretty good idea. Thanks.

 

[nomadictheist]

Hi, just a simple thought...
There's only one criteria ever mentioned in the Bible for those who go to heaven, and it's found in Revelation....
Everyone whose name is written in the Lamb's book of life.
Do you believe in Jesus? Do you believe He died to take the punishment for your sin and reconcile you to God? Have you placed your faith and your hope in Him?
If so, your name is written in the book of life. And that means, no matter what anybody tells you, you can have assurance that heaven will be your eternal home.

 

[1213]

...I love God ...

What do you think loving God means?

Bible says it means:

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. His commandments are not grievous.
1 John 5:3

But yeah, I can understand that life can be hard. It can be difficult to love God more than things in this world.

 

[rndebw]

http://www.desiringgod.org/intervie...ns-who-are-struggling-with-homosexual-desires

 

[fat wee robin]

So, life sucks, right now. And it has for a while.
I'm in college, away from my family. I realize now that I'm super duper not straight. I'm always sad, and beating myself up, and just not functionally at the capacity God wanted me to.

And the worst thing is, I can't ask God for help. I know He might if I let Him, but I just feel so...ungracious everytime I do so. I know that prayer without faith is just sorta nagging God, instead of legitimately asking for it. And my faith is so dead, and it has been forever. Like, who am I to ask God to save my from temptation when I openly expose myself to it? I don't know.
Some people say I'm not even really Christian at this point, because I don't trust Him. And I'm worried about that. Everyone says homosexuals can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who have mental illness can't get to Heaven (me), everyone says people who commit suicide can't get to Heaven (statistically speaking, that'll probably be me too), and some people even say feminine guys or masculine girls can't get to Heaven (feminine guy, right here, what's up?). So....yeah, I'm living in fear that even though I love God (that I know is true. I cling and cry and beg and plead for Him to love me back), that I may not be "saved enough" to go to Heaven...and...and it's hard to trust God when you fear He'll throw you into the fire even if you gave everything you have, your future, your dreams, your everything, to Him.

Really scared, really lost, really tired, and really in need of someone who will just...listen. (Of course God listens, but it sometimes is hard to remember that He pays attention too)
Thanks for reading. Loves

I'm listening ,and although I have different sins ,have been there ,lost and despairing .It happens at least one time, to everyone .

 

[fat wee robin]

Listen, there's no need to feel so awful about yourself. I myself have Asperger's Syndrome, and I had my fair share of sexual identity struggles (I don't think I'm gay, but bad habits suggested I was bisexual, long story). So I guess I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I'm even kind of un-manly looking!

Many times I looked on my life and lived in fear of what people would think of me--what if they knew what I had done? Would my whole life be ruined? It sure looked like it.

But what I realized eventually--and what YOU need to realize, too--is that God does not expect you to improve yourself. He improves you, He makes you a new creation and gives you a defense against your sinful nature (General you, not you specifically).

And have nothing to do with these bigoted, heartless people that say you'll go to Hell. They don't know your heart, and I can see that you clearly understand your sin and want to have a relationship with God. I used to think that being some sort of "sexual minority", due to the influence of secular lgbt groups, were probably unlikely to be saved since they'd all stubbornly insist that their orinentation wasn't sinful since they were all born with it or something. (I, for one, was not "born" with a sexual orientation, it developed over time). but I was wrong. There are plenty of Christians willing to denounce homosexuality despite having same-sex attractions. And I'd say that they're not the ones in denial.

Regardless, unless you have had sex with another person of the same gender you really can't call yourself a person that has committed homosexuality. But whether you or you haven't, God understands and wants your loyalty. Making a mistake is understandable so long as you acknowledge that mistake.

As for mental illness, again, I used to think that people with Asperger's Syndrome were more likely to be unsaved due to their brains not being able to grasp some aspects of theology and not be able to do well in church, but I was wrong about that! Turns out there are plenty of Christians with Asperger's, of all sorts of denominations and persuasions. Human beings beings are all unique, but all made in the Image of God. That includes you, too

And as for being or looking effeminate, your physical appearance mostly can't be helped. I don't like the way my body is a lot, but it's still mine and still beautiful because it's God's even if He is the only one who thinks so. And working out can help, if you're especially concerned about it.

So don't feel so ashamed and run to Christ, who loves you and wants to liberate you from sin and misery. God bless!

I hope Nik will find this post helpful .

 

[Poor Beggar]

Is any of this relevant? Lol

Only if it helps people answer your OP. Testifying of what God has done for us is biblical, but in the modern church it's become one of those formulaic things that really turns off unbelievers. I remember when believers would share their scripted testimony with me when I was an unbeliever. It drove me crazy. Because it was written/memorized ahead of time it had little to do with what I was having difficulty with in my life so it wasn't helpful and it didn't lead me to Christ. It would've been more helpful if the believer had actually listened to me and shared the aspect of his life in which Christ had helped with something similar.

 

[Nikkideamus]

What do you think loving God means?

Bible says it means:

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. His commandments are not grievous.
1 John 5:3

But yeah, I can understand that life can be hard. It can be difficult to love God more than things in this world.

I'm going to try to be as gracious and understand as I can while responding to this. I'm a big proponent of "Instead of wasting your time, trying to morally perfect yourself, which is impossible; spend your time trying to get closer to Christ. The sins will become fewer and fewer the closer you Two become." I know I sin, and I try within reason to stop, and on a lot of things, I do really well. I don't curse, my gossip and trash talking has gone WAY down over the past year, I'm respectful, and I try to be as diligent as I can be.
I'm not going to accuse myself of "not loving God enough," or a few reasons.

• You can NEVER love God ENOUGH. After everything He's done, you could never give him the kind of love he deserves. It's beyond human capability.
• I'm going to struggle with some sins more than others. One of the only ways to keep myself from becoming overburdened with shame is trying to complement myself on how well I've resisted others. I'm not going to focus on the negatives (not on purpose anyway)
• Sorry to say this, but while you accuse me of not loving God enough, you stand on equal footing. We all sin, and all sin is equal. So if literally the only sin you commit is stealing a pen from the bank, you are still at the same level as I am, bibically speaking.
  [LIST/]
  
  I appreciate constructive criticism, but I don't personally think you can accuse others of "not loving Christ enough." If it means I have to grow up alone and cold without a spouse or family, I'll TRY to make that happen. If it means living life even though I want to commit suicide every waking moment, I WILL TRY.
  
  I don't claim to have the faith to move mountains. But I want that. And I'll strive for it. Whether or not, I ever get there is beyond me, but to be accused of not trying is the same as telling me that I can't get to Heaven, no matter what I do.
  Because I'm giving my 110%. I know it's not enough to be exactly what God wants, but I was told its enough for Him to say He knows me.
  
  Sorry to maybe get a tad snappy, but you need to understand:
  I give it all I got. If I'm not "loving God correctly," then I am truly helbound, no matter what. Because I've no other way left to love Him.

 

[hiphopopotomus]

Hi, just a simple thought...
There's only one criteria ever mentioned in the Bible for those who go to heaven, and it's found in Revelation....
Everyone whose name is written in the Lamb's book of life.
Do you believe in Jesus? Do you believe He died to take the punishment for your sin and reconcile you to God? Have you placed your faith and your hope in Him?
If so, your name is written in the book of life. And that means, no matter what anybody tells you, you can have assurance that heaven will be your eternal home.

That is not what Jesus said
He said that a tree will be judged by its fruit.
Also read Mathew 25 31-40.

Be a good person and God will not forsake you.
A persons sexual preference has nothing to do with their worth as a person-either to others or to God.

 

[Jeshu]

Be of good courage brother, my struggle with sexual sins has been epic, but very fruitful over the years.

I found that letting God's loving truth in at the times I struggle with my sexual sin worked the best. All sin is caused by the lies we believe (and speak,) this is what I found within me when I let God's truth expose the lies that had a hold on me.

Romans 7:14-25
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

A part of me repented of having life in wrong - time and again - and drank in forgiveness and grace and so learned to resist the temptations of the flesh as well as the guilt and the shame. In this part of me I learned to remain unstained by sinful inclinations and found new life - this included a new name/identity as well. Faithfully I fight the desires of my wrongful nature - that part in me that loves wrong more than God - but not by force or judgement but as in invitation to join me in my new walk of life - free from sinful temptation - at peace with God - growing stronger - and 'bigger' each day - praising and worshipping God for the freedom to be true to myself. Life with God as Father King is awesome!


Wouldn't it be nice to be completely free from my inner corruption? However I'll be honest I haven't achieved perfection within my sexual self - a part in me though utterly convicted and slain - is still corrupt. Daniel 7:12.


I still also have a part of me who loved wrong more than God. At first my life was burning with unholy desires. I was always first and have greedily relished in my desires and needs. I have been against God's will time and again. I knew I was wrong but didn't care about that. I even hoped God didn't existed and wrong was simply a religious and social invention, all so I could have existence and feed myself. Now I know that I was wrong not to love God and to follow my sinful desires. I used to be a king but now I have lost all ruler ship over life. My desires have died and my passions died of famine and thirst. I have very little life left inside of me - I loath myself in sinful self and know I have been very unfaithful to Jesus and hope I will die soon to being like that. Honestly don't continue in sin but let the grace of God wash you clean before you are cut off by The Word. Hebrews 4:12-13.

Revelation 2:20-23
Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.