Yes dear. Happy wife, happy life and other terms...

[All4Christ]

I've also seen women treat their men as if they're babies and incapable of doing anything for themselves. "Don't forget to wear a jacket", "Make sure you pick the kids up after school", "You'll need to get milk at the store", "You need to mow the yard this weekend", etc. I guess some men are attracted to women like that (and vice versa) but it's something I just don't understand.

Things like "Don't forget to wear a jacket" doesn't always mean that a spouse doesn't think they are capable of doing anything themselves. Often, it is just a way to show that he / she cares. My husband knows that I can take care of myself, and that I know he can take care of himself, but we both remind each other to take care of ourselves, because we care. Some other examples, "here's some sunscreen for you to put on, so you don't get burnt" or "remember to wear your hat" (when I go to the community garden in the middle of the hot, hot summer), or 'did you bring your medicine with you' when it could cause serious harm if you forget. Often, being protective isn't a sign of not believing someone can take care of himself / herself, but a sign of showing that you care.

Some of the other things you said don't fall into that same category though, although I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing or as an indication that someone cannot take care of himself / herself.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Things like "Don't forget to wear a jacket" doesn't always mean that a spouse doesn't think they are capable of doing anything themselves. Often, it is just a way to show that he / she cares. My husband knows that I can take care of myself, and that I know he can take care of himself, but we both remind each other to take care of ourselves, because we care. Some other examples, "here's some sunscreen for you to put on, so you don't get burnt" or "remember to wear your hat" (when I go to the community garden in the middle of the hot, hot summer), or 'did you bring your medicine with you' when it could cause serious harm if you forget. Often, being protective isn't a sign of not believing someone can take care of himself / herself, but a sign of showing that you care.

Some of the other things you said don't fall into that same category though, although I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing or as an indication that someone cannot take care of himself / herself.

I guess I should clarify: it depends on the person. I worked with one woman who was always calling her boyfriend and babying him about something, as if he couldn't think for himself or remember anything he was told. Granted, I never met him so maybe he was a complete idiot, but it seemed overbearing to me and she tended to have a nosey and bossy personality. You're right that suggestions and helpful comments aren't always a sign of helplessness but some people I've encountered have crossed that line incessantly, almost to the point where I wondered why they were with their significant other.

 

[ValleyGal]

nm

 

[LinkH]

We've got to the careful because discussion of the oft-repeated requirements for women in marriage as seen in Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, and I Peter 3 has been deemed off topic in the main marriage forum. Requirements for husbands is considered on topic.

I don't think 'Happy wife, happy life' necessarily means the woman rules the roost. Even if the husband rules the roost, he may not want to see his wife unhappy. Even if the wife isn't trying to control him by pouting, he may not want to see her unhappy. The phrase probably is more popular because feminism and other cultural influences have turned households upside down in terms of women ruling the roost. Women are more likely to file no fault divorces and the state tends to 'reward' them for doing so with custody of the children and half of assets in a lot of states, so maybe that supports the trend.

I have often seen men call their wives 'the boss', as in 'I've got to ask the boss.' I know that's a joke, but one I don't like to hear because it's true in many marriages, and it's a serious spiritual social problem, not something I like to see reinforced through humor.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Regarding wives reminding husbands of stuff...women usually keep a "to do" list in their heads. Men...not so much. I know from experience that if I don't remind my husband of things or write it on our calendar, he'll forget. So, I do not think it is women infantilizing men or being bossy here...
Did you ever think that hearing a wife remind her husband of things is based on past history of him forgetting?

 

[98cwitr]

I've also seen women treat their men as if they're babies and incapable of doing anything for themselves. "Don't forget to wear a jacket", "Make sure you pick the kids up after school", "You'll need to get milk at the store", "You need to mow the yard this weekend", etc. I guess some men are attracted to women like that (and vice versa) but it's something I just don't understand.

We are forgetful animals arent we?

I appreciate my wife reminding me of things actually. She is better at it than I am. She does it with respect though, and that is even more appreciated.

 

[All4Christ]

We are forgetful animals arent we?

Sadly, some of us women fall into the same category [emoji15]

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Sadly, some of us women fall into the same category [emoji15]

This is why I keep my planner within arm's reach at all times...

 

[LinkH]

A wife reminding her husband of something can be a good thing. But it depends on how it is done.

 

[LinkH]

I was thinking of a nice gift a bride could give to her husband, a pair of paints with a note inside, "I bought these for you for after we get married, since you will wear the pants in our relationship."

I heard an American preacher say that he preached in England once and people laughed when he said, "We all put our pants on one leg at a time." They say 'pants' for underwear and 'trousers' for pants. They say they put their trousers on one leg at a time.

Do the Brits say 'wear the pants' for marriage, or 'wear the trousers' or not have the saying at all?

I wonder if they chuckle at the American saying.

 

[mkgal1]

My wife and I care both about each other's needs, wants, and desires...so that's not my point at all. What I am talking about is some men I know personally seem to be the whipping boys for their spouses. Wife issues command, command must be carried out. I just think that, in some cases, men don't stand up for themselves and don't call for any respect to be shown to them. I guess it's just how someone is raised I guess.

I was presuming that's what you meant (but wanted to give you the opportunity to confirm that). The point I'm trying to make is: why is that so commonly ties to a man's genitalia (you'd said, "they may as well be castrated")? IOW......what is said when it's a man being controlling/demanding? What does one say about the woman (do you know what I mean)? There doesn't seem to be a phrase for that. Either way it's wrong to be controlling and demanding (and I don't see how *not* being 'castrated' is really a solution, unless one means they are able to exercise their "God-given authority").

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Since my wife works I'm the stay at home hubby. Do the dishes, vacuum, take out trash, laundry...etc. She offers to sometimes but I tell her she already works, I can do the stuff at home for us. When I work (hopefully) I will still prefer to do the chores at home. Though when/if we have a child I will see what happens because thats alot of work and I am not sure if I can handle it. Though I am praying for God for strength when that times comes.

I know some men marry their mothers. They like someone who mothers them. "Wear this outfit today!". I've never been into that. I mean its fine when my wife has a suggestion of course. But she doesn't baby me. We make a good team.

 

[All4Christ]

This is why I keep my planner within arm's reach at all times...

Same here! Though I tend to use Google Calendar, with email reminders. I'd be lost without a planner or calendar.

 

[HannahT]

Same here! Though I tend to use Google Calendar, with email reminders. I'd be lost without a planner or calendar.

You both make me giggle today.

You see we are dog sitting today. It's a long story, but I will keep it short! We recently bought some property that we plan on building our retirement home on. It's been a back and forth battle all these years on WHERE we will retire, and I wanted warmer weather due to his health...and my not wanting icky long cold winter storms anymore. He finally decided maybe I had a point. We went south. His twin, his BF and our son will go down in February to scout our land we purchased to see where the best spot for the house is. It's 35 acres - I bended on that part he wanted a LOT of land! The twin's wife travels alot for business, and their dog is their child. They couldn't have children. They would leave EARLY on a Friday morning, and their dog has no where to go. I don't have a problem with him coming here. So, it was arranged.

So, I get an email from his twin this week about arrangements about the dog. I assumed it was for the trip south, because I didn't hear about anything else. It was also sent to the H at the same time. I emailed the H that his wife said she would be home on that Friday, and no dog sitting was needed. He asked me to text her to make arrangements.

Then he tells me his twin was speaking of a vacation - not the trip south. Okay. I asked for the dates for that. lol the man had no clue, and would ask later! His twin texted me this morning, and asked if he could drop the dog off at 12:00 pm. Sigh - I got my answer! I got one day notice for a dog we would have for the next 10 days.

I told the twin that in the future to inform his BROTHER to use the calendar on his fancy phone he insisted his NEEDED for his life, so he could give people more notice. You have to understand the H is NOT tech savy, and we tease him about this 'Alzheimer's' memory all the time. I told him about this calendar, and showed him how to use it. Sigh. He just doesn't. He claims he doesn't like how the operating systems changes all the time. (eye rolls) Why he needs a Samsung Note 4 then boggles my mind! He could use a DUMB phone compared to a SMARTphone and save money!

His twin said in the future he would text me with dates, and PUSH his brother to at least USE the phone the way it is intended to be USED! lololol!

So, how do you TRAIN a person to use this GOOGLE calendar with email reminders? lol I think our approaches don't WORK!

Yes, - snickers - help needed! I wish he would depend on that!

 

[All4Christ]

You both make me giggle today.

You see we are dog sitting today. It's a long story, but I will keep it short! We recently bought some property that we plan on building our retirement home on. It's been a back and forth battle all these years on WHERE we will retire, and I wanted warmer weather due to his health...and my not wanting icky long cold winter storms anymore. He finally decided maybe I had a point. We went south. His twin, his BF and our son will go down in February to scout our land we purchased to see where the best spot for the house is. It's 35 acres - I bended on that part he wanted a LOT of land! The twin's wife travels alot for business, and their dog is their child. They couldn't have children. They would leave EARLY on a Friday morning, and their dog has no where to go. I don't have a problem with him coming here. So, it was arranged.

So, I get an email from his twin this week about arrangements about the dog. I assumed it was for the trip south, because I didn't hear about anything else. It was also sent to the H at the same time. I emailed the H that his wife said she would be home on that Friday, and no dog sitting was needed. He asked me to text her to make arrangements.

Then he tells me his twin was speaking of a vacation - not the trip south. Okay. I asked for the dates for that. lol the man had no clue, and would ask later! His twin texted me this morning, and asked if he could drop the dog off at 12:00 pm. Sigh - I got my answer! I got one day notice for a dog we would have for the next 10 days.

I told the twin that in the future to inform his BROTHER to use the calendar on his fancy phone he insisted his NEEDED for his life, so he could give people more notice. You have to understand the H is NOT tech savy, and we tease him about this 'Alzheimer's' memory all the time. I told him about this calendar, and showed him how to use it. Sigh. He just doesn't. He claims he doesn't like how the operating systems changes all the time. (eye rolls) Why he needs a Samsung Note 4 then boggles my mind! He could use a DUMB phone compared to a SMARTphone and save money!

His twin said in the future he would text me with dates, and PUSH his brother to at least USE the phone the way it is intended to be USED! lololol!

So, how do you TRAIN a person to use this GOOGLE calendar with email reminders? lol I think our approaches don't WORK!

Yes, - snickers - help needed! I wish he would depend on that!

I totally know what you mean! I've asked my husband to put things on our Google Calendar, but I don't think that has happened yet. I am admittedly forgetful, but it if it is on the calendar, I will remember! If not...I'll do my best, but if I just hear it in passing, no promises...

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I would forget to look at the google calendar. We have a big dry erase calendar in the kitchen that I put all events for the month on and on the side I put the ongoing grocery list...like what we've run out of...I also write them in my planner so I have it on me if we're out somewhere so I don't end up with conflicts. I have a decent memory but I'm on some meds that make me a bit loopy right now.

 

[All4Christ]

I would forget to look at the google calendar. We have a big dry erase calendar in the kitchen that I put all events for the month on and on the side I put the ongoing grocery list...like what we've run out of...I also write them in my planner so I have it on me if we're out somewhere so I don't end up with conflicts. I have a decent memory but I'm on some meds that make me a bit loopy right now.

I'd be happy with any of those options I have two calendars out, plus the electronic Google calendar, as well as a wipe off calendar on the fridge. I'll use whichever one, so long as I have something to help with remembering things. Unfortunately, I'm the only one who uses them. That said, it does work if I have the calendar with me, so I can just write both our events down.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

When we were growing up, my mom had one of those desk calendars hung up so she could keep track of everything. 5 kids, sports, school stuff, their own stuff. My dad's contribution consisted of what he wanted to watch on TV.

 

[heliumskylark]

Another hearty vote here for shared electronic calendars

Do the Brits say 'wear the pants' for marriage, or 'wear the trousers' or not have the saying at all? I wonder if they chuckle at the American saying.

We usually say "wear the trousers", but there are enough American TV shows, movies etc over here that we know what you guys mean

I'm not sure why "feminism" is separated from "egalitarian" since that's what feminism is. Feminism seeks an equal socioeconomic footing for women as men, equal opportunity, equal voice, etc.

I know this isn't the purpose of this thread, but I've never understood this claim. Surely the clue is in the name; it's not called "equalism". Feminism is about equality only in the specific areas where women are currently disadvantaged - which specificity makes it not really about equality at all. I don't see many feminists fighting for the rights of fathers, or for female perpetrators of domestic violence to receive equally harsh punishments as their male counterparts, or against the stigma around male nurses / preschool teachers.

We're not a feminist house (if you couldn't tell! But I would call us an 'equalist' one) so we don't really use those "yes dear" type phrases except in jest. To be honest I would struggle to respect a man who was so docile - I don't claim that that's a positive thing, necessarily, it's just the truth.

 

[ValleyGal]

Another hearty vote here for shared electronic calendars


We usually say "wear the trousers", but there are enough American TV shows, movies etc over here that we know what you guys mean


I know this isn't the purpose of this thread, but I've never understood this claim. Surely the clue is in the name; it's not called "equalism". Feminism is about equality only in the specific areas where women are currently disadvantaged - which specificity makes it not really about equality at all. I don't see many feminists fighting for the rights of fathers, or for female perpetrators of domestic violence to receive equally harsh punishments as their male counterparts, or against the stigma around male nurses / preschool teachers.

We're not a feminist house (if you couldn't tell! But I would call us an 'equalist' one) so we don't really use those "yes dear" type phrases except in jest. To be honest I would struggle to respect a man who was so docile - I don't claim that that's a positive thing, necessarily, it's just the truth.

I think this is part of the problem. There are huge misunderstandings of what feminism really is. Feminism is the platform on which women protest patriarchy and fight for social and economic equality. We argue that women do not come under men's authority in any way, even on the job or in the family. We are equal to men, and we advocate for the rights of all women to be equal to men (socially and economically). Some feminists draw the line there, while some feminists will bring attention to issues like domestic violence not as a matter of gender, but as a matter of family systems, and seek funding for men to have access to safe houses as much as for women to. The thing is that we are still in the process of developing a more equal playing field. Men are still typically employed more than women and they still typically make more than women, meaning they likely do not require access to funded services like a safe house. Additionally, they are less likely to seek those services than women. I'm sure those are both contributing factors in the lack of availability of certain services for men than women....that was just an example.

When it comes to punishment of domestic violence, women tend to still receive lighter sentence because iirc, their reasons are much different than men's and there are often other contributing factors. At least that's how it is with women convicted of killing a spouse versus a man killing a wife. That is not to excuse women's violence, though it does make a difference in their rehab and transition plan.

We have a community resource here which is "feminist" and they actually do offer services for men. The reason is that they fought for equality. If women are equal to men, it means we are equally capable of domestic violence, social violence, drug use, etc. And if women are just as capable as men, then the effect of women's dv, addictions, etc is just as devastating on men as it is man-on-woman. So services there go both ways, and men are treated as equals.

As for stigma against male nurses and teachers, I have not seen that at all - I was a nurse and my sister is a teacher. Neither of us saw stigma; in fact, there is a demand for men in these professions and it seems the men are still resistant to entering these professions. We also see it in the courts where I live; for many years now, courts are unlikely to award sole custody unless there is a good reason for it. Typically, the judges award joint guardianship and joint custody, and the divorcing parents are mandated to attend co-parenting programs.

The only area that I still see a huge injustice is where women can unilaterally decide to abort an unborn child without the consent of the father. That is really sad because the baby is just as much his as hers, so he should have equal say. And yes, there are more feminists willing to stand up and say that as time goes on.

And then you have your extremists who are very vocal and give an unwelcome stereotype to all feminists because they go for more than equality.