Why relationships led me to celibacy

Awakened Sin

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It's weird I tried so many things to find a great relationship. I've tried waiting and I even tried not waiting. And nothing good came out of either. I'm almost 18 and I'm not like most other teenagers. I don't date for fun. I wanted to date to find my future wife and people didn't understand that. At my age, no one is doing the same so find the right relationships were difficult. I failed countless times in relationships and I failed countless times trying to get into relationships.

So. I got fed up with all of this and I took the vow of celibacy. When I took this vow it wasn't even for religious reasons it was to protect myself and others. My vow of celibacy restricts from dating/dates, sexual activity, kissing, and lusting. It's been five days since I've taken the vow. I posted the vow on social media so all my friends know. I use the vow kind of like a wall, blocking out all the advances done to me and I may do to girls that I may like.

The vow itself lasts only until I graduate high school. If I like being celibate then I will extend the years. Essentially yes. I took this vow without God in mind which I rarely do. My hope is that he respects my choice if not well I can't stop God. I'd rather not take go back on my vow still.
 

bhsmte

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It's weird I tried so many things to find a great relationship. I've tried waiting and I even tried not waiting. And nothing good came out of either. I'm almost 18 and I'm not like most other teenagers. I don't date for fun. I wanted to date to find my future wife and people didn't understand that. At my age, no one is doing the same so find the right relationships were difficult. I failed countless times in relationships and I failed countless times trying to get into relationships.

So. I got fed up with all of this and I took the vow of celibacy. When I took this vow it wasn't even for religious reasons it was to protect myself and others. My vow of celibacy restricts from dating/dates, sexual activity, kissing, and lusting. It's been five days since I've taken the vow. I posted the vow on social media so all my friends know. I use the vow kind of like a wall, blocking out all the advances done to me and I may do to girls that I may like.

The vow itself lasts only until I graduate high school. If I like being celibate then I will extend the years. Essentially yes. I took this vow without God in mind which I rarely do. My hope is that he respects my choice if not well I can't stop God. I'd rather not take go back on my vow still.

You are not 18 yet, and you are complaining about failed relationships????????????????????????
 
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Awakened Sin

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You are not 18 yet, and you are complaining about failed relationships????????????????????????
Yes. There are plenty more reasons, but that would be a book. For one I took my celibacy as a sign. I personally don't even like relationships at this point. I can't even see myself marrying and the future.
 
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bhsmte

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Yes. There are plenty more reasons, but that would be a book. For one I took my celibacy as a sign. I personally don't even like relationships at this point. I can't even see myself marrying and the future.

And you are not even 18 years old and you are talking as if you are 35.
 
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Awakened Sin

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Have you joined a monastic order or are you contemplating the priesthood? The Church does desperately need priests...
I've thought about priesthood. Though I don't think I would fit that job.
 
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Armoured

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Yes. There are plenty more reasons, but that would be a book. For one I took my celibacy as a sign. I personally don't even like relationships at this point. I can't even see myself marrying and the future.
That's fine. Probably doesn't require a vow, at this stage, though.
 
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If you're nearly 18 then I presume you're a senior in high school, and will be graduating next spring or early summer. Vowing to remain celibate until then is not a substantial, life-impacting commitment akin to joining the priesthood or a convent. Many people do not have sex in high school, and it's rarely because of puritanical ideals about the virtues of chastity or a pledge of celibacy but simply because they aren't ready yet. There's no shame in it. There's also no need to make public declarations. If you have sincerely committed to being celibate, then that's an intensely private decision. Why would you broadcast it on your social media? This comes across more like an attention-seeking "hey look at me and how pious and mature I am!" stunt than a sincere and deeply contemplated decision.

As for the "many failed relationships" perhaps you should examine why they failed, and what possible changes you could make so the next one is more successful. Most teenagers are not seeking spouses, nor should we be. That doesn't mean dating or entering into a relationship cannot still have value. It can have much. Dating requires unique social skills and interactions, and the best way to learn and improve is to keep practicing. This doesn't mean just going on one date after another without any feelings attached or any care for the person, not at all. Be respectful to those you date, and be respectful to yourself. Don't be cynical. Do not view dating that doesn't progress into a committed relationship as being a waste or a failure. It's just a part of the training wheels process of romantic relationships.
 
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Spiribala

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I have no idea if your vow is right for you. I'm not someone that knows much about success in that area, even though I'm over a decade older than you. But I would offer a few points.

It is really easy to make rash decisions regarding dating issues because it is such an emotionally charged issue. At least in my case, getting rejected by a girl I really liked meant my month was ruined. And that's especially hard in high school were you still see that person daily. So think through what this vow means. Think through the sacrifices it will entail.

It's a good idea to get in the habit of keeping promises, even if this one is mainly to yourself. Future promises, like to friends, or family or a spouse are much more important to keep, so make sure you're keeping them now and understand that a promise like this does involve a great degree of self control. If you break this vow, no real harm will be done, but that won't necessarily be the case in the future when you're promising people much more important things.

I'm not sure why you've taken this vow without God in mind. I would suggest, if you do consider yourself a devout Christian and you do believe that God desires people to act in a certain way within the bounds of a relationship, that you should think through how this vow would be relevant in a Christian context. Pray about it.

Also, you're almost 18 which means you're young. I never went on a date in high school, and no vow of celibacy was required. For the most part, the same was true in college. I'm 29 and am not married. Would I like to have been married to my "dream girl" in my early 20's? I suppose, all things being equal. But I'm fine were I'm at. Realize that it's very normal that how relationships play out is not someone that you can often predict. Also, if your faith is important to you, realize that being in God pleasing relationships will probably mean a substantial amount of sacrifice especially in today's culture. Possibly, on the plus side, your vow will give you a glimpse of what that sacrifice will entail.

Hope it goes well for you!
 
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Awakened Sin

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As for the "many failed relationships" perhaps you should examine why they failed, and what possible changes you could make so the next one is more successful. Most teenagers are not seeking spouses, nor should we be. That doesn't mean dating or entering into a relationship cannot still have value. It can have much.

A short answer would be. They failed not because of me, they failed because of the other person. I can tell you what I fail at picking the right people to have relationships with. I can also tell you what I also failed at, not being to have relationships with the right person before we even date.

My friends see how I am a great guy, even my best friend mentioned how any girl would be lucky to date me. That's beside the point, though. It's my deep rooted belief that after a certain age we should not date just for fun. I don't push that belief on others though it's my personal belief. One of the reasons why I took the vow, and most likely will extend the vow to when I leave the military. I took the vow to not show other people that I'm mature, because I said that this vow is not a religious one.

Basically I said,"Dating is not for me. I will not pressure others not to date because dating is for them." I posted the vow on social media so people don't ask me. Why aren't you in a relationship? Do you even like girls? No one actively is trying to date me, because they know about my vow.

I have no idea if your vow is right for you. I'm not someone that knows much about success in that area, even though I'm over a decade older than you. But I would offer a few points.

It is really easy to make rash decisions regarding dating issues because it is such an emotionally charged issue. At least in my case, getting rejected by a girl I really liked meant my month was ruined. And that's especially hard in high school were you still see that person daily. So think through what this vow means. Think through the sacrifices it will entail.

Hope it goes well for you!
I strongly agree. It is easy to mask rash decisions. I am a fact based men, so I made a pros and cons for this vow. I consider taking this vow for a few months before I made the decision a couple of weeks ago. So this decision thankfully wasn't emotionally chosen.

Forgive me if I am wrong, but there is a difference between not wanting to date and celibacy. You mentioned that you did not date in high school and no vow was required. I vowed celibacy because in the future I see myself being celibate, not just in high school.

Honestly, I want to extend the vow longer, but then I know my parents would not support that. So I simply just made the vow until I graduate.

In conclusion, don't take the length of the vow as your judgement on my decision. I say this not to you but to others that read this.

Thanks! I hope it goes well for me also.
 
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Hetta

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A short answer would be. They failed not because of me, they failed because of the other person. I can tell you what I fail at picking the right people to have relationships with. I can also tell you what I also failed at, not being to have relationships with the right person before we even date.

My friends see how I am a great guy, even my best friend mentioned how any girl would be lucky to date me. That's beside the point, though. It's my deep rooted belief that after a certain age we should not date just for fun. I don't push that belief on others though it's my personal belief. One of the reasons why I took the vow, and most likely will extend the vow to when I leave the military. I took the vow to not show other people that I'm mature, because I said that this vow is not a religious one.

Basically I said,"Dating is not for me. I will not pressure others not to date because dating is for them." I posted the vow on social media so people don't ask me. Why aren't you in a relationship? Do you even like girls? No one actively is trying to date me, because they know about my vow.
Please tell me you are joking. If you can't ever find any fault with yourself, you are definitely not mature enough to be dating.
 
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Awakened Sin

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Please tell me you are joking. If you can't ever find any fault with yourself, you are definitely not mature enough to be dating.
Funny enough, that's another reason why I took the vow. Rather it's true or not is for others to decide.
 
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Hetta

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Funny enough, that's another reason why I took the vow.
That's probably the best reason. There is no way on earth that anyone is ever faultless in a broken relationship, particularly when you are the common denominator in the "countless" relationships that have all broken up. There's nothing bad about dating to marry. Two of my sons have done just that. One is married to his first ever GF, the other is seriously contemplating marriage to his second only GF. It seems weird to me, because I dated a lot before I met and married my husband, but I knew I was way too immature to consider marriage during that dating period. I was still immature when I married - as was my husband (as is my married son), but we knocked off a lot of each other's corners. I have seen my son and his new wife also begin to mature during their marriage. That said, you don't marry to become mature, it's better to have at least some maturity and particularly self knowledge first, but it's also hard to stand around "waiting" to mature - like cheese - until you can consider yourself to be ready. So, instead of making vows and gestures, I would suggest you approach girls as friends - my second son did this by the way - and get to know them without considering either dating or marriage. Listen to what they say to you, instead of listening to your friends while they polish your ego. True, some girls may polish your ego too, but some won't. As you establish friendships, you should find that you start to learn things about yourself while you also learn about girls. Who knows, you may find that one friendship blossoms into something more? Or maybe you'll just have a bunch of great friends, and sometime when you are old (around 21) you will meet the person who will become your wife.
 
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Awakened Sin

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That's probably the best reason. There is no way on earth that anyone is ever faultless in a broken relationship, particularly when you are the common denominator in the "countless" relationships that have all broken up. There's nothing bad about dating to marry. Two of my sons have done just that. One is married to his first ever GF, the other is seriously contemplating marriage to his second only GF. It seems weird to me, because I dated a lot before I met and married my husband, but I knew I was way too immature to consider marriage during that dating period. I was still immature when I married - as was my husband (as is my married son), but we knocked off a lot of each other's corners. I have seen my son and his new wife also begin to mature during their marriage. That said, you don't marry to become mature, it's better to have at least some maturity and particularly self knowledge first, but it's also hard to stand around "waiting" to mature - like cheese - until you can consider yourself to be ready. So, instead of making vows and gestures, I would suggest you approach girls as friends - my second son did this by the way - and get to know them without considering either dating or marriage. Listen to what they say to you, instead of listening to your friends while they polish your ego. True, some girls may polish your ego too, but some won't. As you establish friendships, you should find that you start to learn things about yourself while you also learn about girls. Who knows, you may find that one friendship blossoms into something more? Or maybe you'll just have a bunch of great friends, and sometime when you are old (around 21) you will meet the person who will become your wife.
Unfortunately or fortunately past experiences ruined dating for me. And seriously don't think I will get married which is fine. The l.p. gets I've been in a relationship is one week. The shortest a couple of days. And I did t explain the reasons why the relationships failed. They were honestly mostly on their side. They weren't pulling their weight. My parents won't like my decision to marry but oh well. It's my life.
 
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Hetta

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"Not pulling their weight" - in a "relationship" of anything between 2 to 7 days. Ooookay. I'll leave you to it dude, but I'm just trying to give you some examples of how some young men do it, and how it seems to have worked out fine for two of my sons. It's fine if you want to discard that. :wave:
 
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bhsmte

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Please tell me you are joking. If you can't ever find any fault with yourself, you are definitely not mature enough to be dating.

This seems to be a trend.

There is a poster in the singles forum, who is complaining she can't find any long term relationships and or people worth having long term relationships with.

I mentioned, it is always good to look at yourself first when you see a trend like this and she stated; it was not possible she was doing anything wrong.
 
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