Why is there no longer a "child free" section for couples who don't want kids?

[revanneosl]

Part of the problem is that when someone says something like, "I really love my kids," it's perceived as an individual statement of happiness, while when someone says something like, "I'm really glad I didn't have children," it's perceived as an attack against other people's choices.

 

[Avniel]

Part of the problem is that when someone says something like, "I really love my kids," it's perceived as an individual statement of happiness, while when someone says something like, "I'm really glad I didn't have children," it's perceived as an attack against other people's choices.

No I think that is understandable and I believe it's healthy for two married people to be happy and enjoy their children as healthy as it is for two married people to be happy and enjoy not having children. I don't see the connection because I remember when I didn't have children, there are people that don't want to have children........you mean to tell me you believe that people think that those statements translate like that?

What I believe is offensive is when you have threads about other posters that have decided another path. Your talking about how she couldn't buy the pregnancy test.......she was trying to have a baby and was excited. Someone read that and took it into a thread that would validated the prejudice.

Calling people breeders and creating threads like that where parents come in and feel offend for someone when none of the childfree Christians would stand up for said lady......even though her specific weren't known.

I think it more so has to do with respect others and their choices and knowing your choice is good for you and not everyone. I don't believe there are that many people that care about if people they don't know has children or does not. I think the issue is terms like breeders and threads like I mentioned where I was certainly disappointed.

Some of it is insulting and people shouldn't talk about other believers like that point blank period. Black or white, man or woman, single or married, parent or childless.....I believe all peoples positions and place in life should be respected and defended by other believers.



But that could just be me

 

[revanneosl]

Yes thank you. I didn't understand that you thought that the thread about the pregnancy test was offensive the first three times you brought it up. Now I totally get it.

 

[Avniel]

Yes thank you. I didn't understand that you thought that the thread about the pregnancy test was offensive the first three times you brought it up. Now I totally get it.

I do apologize if I came at your post pompously. However you do understand in the married sometimes people will tell you why something offends you. I just don't like to be slander in that way because I'm one that totally supports people's right to be happy with their choice. I believe prayer should lead us in all choices that we step forth in as believers. So when I hear people say "I'm happy I don't have children" what I feel is congratulations for following God's intended plan for your marriage, who am I to question that. If you decide to adopt children when you retire to get some side money and help kids can I judge you? If I decided to then have children I don't believe that should be judge either.

When spoke to other posters that posted in their typical parents my age, 25 to 30, it was only one issue we had. The entire "oh I am happy I don't have kids" wasn't it it was the disrespect to our choice in particular. Now when I don't see your choice being attacked and I see others attacking another person's choice I see insecurity and I see weakness and bullying in a mob like mentality. I as a person that believes in total equality both spiritually and politically has to attack that.

Now to say that it was other issues perhaps for some select few posters but most of the people I spoke with were upset because of the disrespect towards them.

 

[Mrs Awesome]

I know I'm several months behind on this, but I feel very compelled to reply to Avniel's nonsense ...

It's funny that you are calling others "insecure" and "bullies", when all I can see is you acting those ways.

Being CF is a choice. Most people don't agree with it and take offense to it when none is given. That's on those people and do not and cannot reflect poorly on the CFBC. Though, while some few rare instances of the CF jumping down parents' throats do happen, that shouldn't take away from the rights we have as the CFBC to have a safe place to entertain our thoughts and questions and insecurities and to offer advice, prayer, and guidance. To suggest otherwise is to attack our sensibilities, our rights, and our person as Christians.

Sorry you seem to have had to witness (not be the victim of) one or two random rude CF people in the past, but that is not the majority here or in general. You coming in here and butting in shows your weaknesses more than it damages our stronghold as a reputable and caring group of people.

Good day!

 

[Soma Seer]

Part of the problem is that when someone says something like, "I really love my kids," it's perceived as an individual statement of happiness, while when someone says something like, "I'm really glad I didn't have children," it's perceived as an attack against other people's choices.

I think that you've hit the nail on the head. Alas.

 

[CanadianChristianWife]

I used to belong to a bunch of childfree groups on Facebook. The best one I belong to is called Childfree Christians and I also am in one for Childfree Women with Pets. Not everyone who is childfree "hates" children. It is a hard decision to be childfree. We weren't actually able to have children (Childless is not the same thing as childfree), but decided not to undergo methods of IVF just to have a child. We're currently trying to adopt two children from foster care. If we don't get approved, it's pretty devastating, someone will be telling us if we can have children or not!!

Childfree families, especially in the Christian community, need a place to vent.

Some of the Facebook groups I left were totally negative, bad language, and really put down parents. I didn't do those things so I left the groups.

 

[CanadianChristianWife]

In the Parenting section, I just noticed the Adopting section is gone. I won't feel comfortable posting in the regular Parenting section. I've already had people tell me unless I go through hours of labor I'm not a parent.

 

[BayouAngel]

In the Parenting section, I just noticed the Adopting section is gone. I won't feel comfortable posting in the regular Parenting section. I've already had people tell me unless I go through hours of labor I'm not a parent.

I would hope no one here would be foolish enough to spout such nonsense. I'm sure the community here would be supportive

 

[mkgal1]

I don't see any reason why this thread just can't be a "place" dedicated to the child-free. Maybe consider this your "section" where the child-free unite.

With that---I will bow out since that doesn't apply to me

 

[Avniel]

I know I'm several months behind on this, but I feel very compelled to reply to Avniel's nonsense ...

It's funny that you are calling others "insecure" and "bullies", when all I can see is you acting those ways.

Being CF is a choice. Most people don't agree with it and take offense to it when none is given. That's on those people and do not and cannot reflect poorly on the CFBC. Though, while some few rare instances of the CF jumping down parents' throats do happen, that shouldn't take away from the rights we have as the CFBC to have a safe place to entertain our thoughts and questions and insecurities and to offer advice, prayer, and guidance. To suggest otherwise is to attack our sensibilities, our rights, and our person as Christians.

Sorry you seem to have had to witness (not be the victim of) one or two random rude CF people in the past, but that is not the majority here or in general. You coming in here and butting in shows your weaknesses more than it damages our stronghold as a reputable and caring group of people.

Good day!

Find one post where I insulted anybody first?

Right, it's me...............why don't you speak to other people that felt like they were attacked in the parent free section. I made all of it up, I made fun of the woman that couldn't afford the pregnancy test.


I'm a bully?
I've been accused of hitting my wife, I've seen women call other women ugly for being black.


The truth I am a black, if I say I don't believe in therapy, I'm the worst individual in the world. But nobody on christian forums is trying to understand my position on therapy. All they know is therapy is acceptable by the majority. If racial bias is a problem in American psychology why would I support therapy? If I know the numbers of black boys affected negatively through psychology why would I then promote anyone from receiving therapy? It's ineffective in my community. Nobody tries to relate to that, nobody tries to even disagree with that.......they attack the person not the views.



I'm far from insecure and I don't care enough to be bully. However I will not accept any level of disrespect from anybody. I don't set out to disrespect anybody if someone feels I disrespected them they can always come to me. One of my top 3 posters I like because we disagree, however it's the style of communication that I appreciate. I have a BA in Poli Sci my best friends are people I tried to take their heads off in class(philosophically) and they tried to do the same. I'm in my last year of Law School I go to dinner after class with people that would delete my information off my laptop if they could. I don't care about people's opinions but I do care about how people treat me.

If one child is bullying another child and they have a friend that jumps in a slaps the bully. Is that child's friend a bully or a hero? Why do separate ourselves by choices we made for the best of us. Why must we pretend that choice is the best period? That's being insecure in your own personal choice. I always wanted to have my own family, I've a always wanted to be a lawyer and I always wanted to have children.........so what did I do? I worked to get all the things that I wanted through God's grace. It has it's pros and cons certainly but it's my life and I enjoy it. I'm pretty sure it's the same for a single guy with no kids or a married man with no kids. You're not going to hear me do that because I was abused as a child. I had to forgive myself, build my own opinion and teach myself it was ok to be me. I have a problem when people try to paint the picture that it's not ok to be me or tell someone else how it's not good to be them or what they want. That's going to be addressed by me, if people want a childfree section they should get it but when people start to talk down on others it's not just the posters it's those that read it and do nothing as well.

 

[peaceandquiet]

I'm back! It was me! Apparently (according to Avniel), I'm one of the many reasons why it's a good thing the Childfree forum was taken down.
Yep, I'm the one who went to the CHILDFREE forum to say - and honestly, I don't remember my exact words, that I thought it was irresponsible to want to bring a child into today's world if you don't have the money to even buy pregnancy test. And I stand by what I said. I don't think that what I said was cold hearted or insulting or un-Christian - I think it was just logical.

It doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for a woman who wants a child but really can't afford to care for one. It also doesn't mean that I knew everything about this particular woman's situation (but of course! she could have just been waiting on her windfall that was to arrive any day and who am I to say she can't afford a baby!?). I was obviously (at least to me) referring to the phenomenon in general of people who procreate without a thought to how they will support their offspring, and using this one post I read about one woman as an example.

Can we put it to bed now? Good grief.

And let me just say - what the heck does perceived racial bias in therapy have to do with anything in this thread?

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I searched everywhere. Hopefully we aren't being singled out.

lol at this thread.

It is a conspiracy.

 

[Avniel]

I'm back! It was me! Apparently (according to Avniel), I'm one of the many reasons why it's a good thing the Childfree forum was taken down.
Yep, I'm the one who went to the CHILDFREE forum to say - and honestly, I don't remember my exact words, that I thought it was irresponsible to want to bring a child into today's world if you don't have the money to even buy pregnancy test. And I stand by what I said. I don't think that what I said was cold hearted or insulting or un-Christian - I think it was just logical.

It doesn't mean I don't have sympathy for a woman who wants a child but really can't afford to care for one. It also doesn't mean that I knew everything about this particular woman's situation (but of course! she could have just been waiting on her windfall that was to arrive any day and who am I to say she can't afford a baby!?). I was obviously (at least to me) referring to the phenomenon in general of people who procreate without a thought to how they will support their offspring, and using this one post I read about one woman as an example.

Can we put it to bed now? Good grief.

And let me just say - what the heck does perceived racial bias in therapy have to do with anything in this thread?

No, I never directed any of my comments towards you it was your mentality. You didn't post that in the parents section, you didn't post a comment in any section that poster posted in. You went in a section that no one that posted in the other would likely go to and you attacked another poster. Leading very heavy assumptions such as she couldn't afford to buy a pregnancy test, which she never said she actually said she "couldn't buy the pregnancy test and was going to wait for her significant other." You made the assumption that she couldn't afford it, you didn't ask her any question, you didn't get her position you didn't even know her. I think it's irresponsible to have children and not be married. However I don't run and hide my comments and go to a group that is more likely going to agree with me. I don't run to the married men section and hide my opinion of other posters. I don't talk behind people's back, I find that cold, insulting and unchristian.

I think the fact that she didn't say she couldn't afford a pregnancy test with her current salary and you made the assumption speaks volumes, the fact that you didn't know if her husband kept the finances and she had spent her weekly budget and had to wait to see, she could have left Debt card or she could just be really disciplined and strict on her budget. Maybe she just did not want to spend that money that day because she didn't pay her bills yet....(I always pay my bills before I spend a dollar). I think thats why it's so illogical because she never said "i don't know how I am going to figure out if I am pregnant I hope my mother gives me some money" didn't she even state the results of the test?(not sure don't recall).

You took a post a made up an entire situation and made the choice to have a baby totally negative off of information that wasn't true. You fed people a made up lie that you don't even know if you were accurate. To paint the choice that woman made in a bad light and you didn't even have the decency to post it in her post. Not only that you took the information and ran with it to a group that you knew doesn't relate or doesn't want to have children in the first place.

Not only that who are you to tell anyone they can afford or can not afford a child. You have no right to tell any woman when, where and how to create a child.

The term breeder still really stuck out and there was another poster that actually thanked me for standing up for them. I would love and see a childfree section celebrating the joys of being childfree and not down play others decisions. I have a friend that is childfree by choice and he is probably like my only other married buddy but that's my friend. I relate to his decision and I am happy he made a choice that he's happy with. I am not looking in his pockets, or at the choice he made because I have my own life to live. He supports me in my choice and if something happens to me he's taking my daughter around the world once a year until she's 25. He's white,ex army, and in his 30s I'm black, feel like black people have no place working in any sort of government function and I'm under 30. The only thing we have in common is we work hard and we are married. However he's a cool dude and we have real conversations and I think that's important.

I think how we interact with other people is very important as well.

I think it's also important what message we send people with our statements. In a time where people feel as though groups in the improvised inner cities lives aren't valued it's very hard for me not to say it's cold. It feels like you are saying you do not think the poor should have a right to have children? That's something I'm against because it teaches that the poor's lives don't matter.

 

[Avniel]

lol at this thread.

It is a conspiracy.

I don't know if that was meant to be passive aggressive....

However to deny that terms like breeders, insults to people that decided to become parents, stats on the evils of parenthood and the confirmed situation I listed above never occurred? They are all "conspiracies" if that's what you're saying I really don't appreciate it. I think that is very dismissive of actually concerns. Also if it's the other way around I think it's dismissive of childfree married couples concerns. I may not agree with pros out weighing the cons, however I respect their desire to celebrate their choice with like minded people.

I don't find that to be the kindness Christ intended us to interact with one another.

 

[snoochface]

 

[Avniel]

I guess some people just need a safe place to

About others decisions that have nothing to do with them and their choice. Maybe people could learn to live and let live instead of pretending what they picked is best for everyone.

 

[mkgal1]

I guess some people just need a safe place to

 

[Thunder Peel]

There was a screaming kid in Wal-Mart the other day. I wish I had a safe place to talk about it.

 

[Avniel]

No, about things like having trouble engaging in church social life because so much of it revolves around kids. Though this is a safe space for you to vent as well. People bring their babies into small group, they bring them to the church picnic, they bring them into service where all they do is flail around and distract the people around them. Though if you want a safe space to vent about how horrible we are for being a marginalized group it's how you feel.

So wait, what you're basically saying is that on a Christian website you would like a forum where you can complain about babies being babies at church function being raised in the word? You would like a forum to talk about how inconsiderate they are for allowing their babies to go to church functions........

Not a forum to offer each other advice on how to deal with people that don't understand their choice, not a forum to encourage one another, not a forum to spread a good word in the gospel. Not a forum to vent about how parents aren't bringing their children up in the gospel in a materialistic society. A forum to vent about parents that dare to bring their children and babies to church.

I believe in Christ I don't support anything that will put other Christians down.

That's why church folk can't come to my house unless they are family or a long time friend. I go in hear the word and I leave, people always have to validate insecurity.

Truthfully I don't understand how Christians can vent about other Christians doing what they love, being parents and being spiritually responsible for their upbringing. I don't see how another follower in Christ would put themselves before the youth, parent or not. I think that's horribly selfish and unloving I didn't even think like that when I was a teen.

The Christian culture has been so dominated by others personal insecurities. Either you want a child or you don't, either you have a child or you don't. It's not a gang, it's not a religion, it's not a way of life, it's not college vs the military even.........it's a personal choice like getting married or not to get married, having a destination wedding or in the states, house or condo, living with family or not.

I really have nothing more to say because the mentalities of some people really disappoint me. No love in the church for even the babies why even go.