Oh? Welcome to the club. We all need help. Thank God He is willing to give it!
It feels like Jesus has left me to defend myself.
It only ever feels like that when we move away from him. He's right where he's always been; you are the one who has left him.
I am trying to beat my sex addiction
You can't beat it, but God can. Maybe you need to get out of His way so He can do for you what you can't do for yourself.
and I want to be a inappropriate content star and than I do not want to be a inappropriate content star,
A double-minded person is unstable in all their ways. This is what the apostle James wrote in the book in the New Testament bearing his name. If you don't choose to follow God's will, you are following your own. There really is no fence to sit on. Christ put it this way,
Luke 11:23
23 He who is not with Me is against Me...
God spoke pretty bluntly about going back and forth between good and evil:
Deuteronomy 30:15-20
15 "See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil,
16 in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His statutes, and His judgments, that you may live and multiply; and the Lord your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess.
17 But if your heart turns away so that you do not hear, and are drawn away, and worship other gods and serve them,
18 I announce to you today that you shall surely perish...
19 I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;
20 that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days...
I want to cut and I want to kill myself, My ex-boyfriend will not take me back because I cheated on him about two years ago but I know we still love each other a lot, I am bisexual and I want to become an erotic writer, and I feels so lost and confused.
Goodness! Why are all the things you list here perverse and/or destructive? Nothing you list here reflects God in any way. Is it really any wonder that he feels like He has left you to defend for yourself? You've run so far from Him into darkness that He must feel a million miles away! Fortunately, as one very wise lady once said, "There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still." The Bible puts it this way:
Psalms 139:7-12
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
I feel like all I do is hurt people.
Well, maybe you do. You can change, though.
Hurt my parents, friends, family, and the people that I met and learned to care about though facebook. I need prayed for and someone to help me though this.
The one you need is Christ. No amount of prayer, no amount of talking will ever replace submitting your life, your will, your all to him. He is the only one who can truly change you from a denizen of the darkness to a child of the light. As I said, he's not moved away from you; he's where he's always been: just a prayer away.
That's how all who choose to live in darkness eventually feel.
I will die for you to love me again. I will kill myslef if that ment making everyone else happy.
I'm sure that isn't necessary. You might want to consider the following verses in deciding what you should do about your situation:
1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
James 4:6-10
6 ..."God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Selah.