Why do some married people think its okay to get fat?

[dallasapple]

[I never said, "wow! I'm married! Now I can get fat!" It just happened. It actually didn't happen until I had kids. It's not pregnancy weight either especially since I lost weight after my 2nd. It's...depression and stress and boredom and loneliness. I eat my emotions. I know it's a bad thing and I am working on it.

/QUOTE]

Thats the thing..I dont like how its "proposed" as some sort of "game plan" or scheme..that you are thin ..get married and "get fat" on purpose(like its a life goal)..then to further prove its a game plan..you get divorced ..get thin again..get remarried and voila! fat again..

Like your thinking..GOSH I cant WAIT to get married..so I can be fat..

My husband did say ..when i asked him..that he thought some people..if they get a divorce..might try harder to keep in shape..becasue they are worried they wont be "accepted" by the thin people..that he woud want to date..

Talk about brutal honesty..IOW if we divorced..he thinks he would want to date thin (in shape) women..and in order to qualify as a potential partner for them he would need to get in shape..

Im like ..but what about me?Im thin..and he goes..I know..I have always felt guilty that you have stayed in shape ..and I have gained and been overweight the whole time..but ..I guess its because I know Im accepted that way.so Im comfortable with it...If we were divorced ..he woudnt be accepted ..he thinks..

I think his point is he did NOT set out to gain weight..HE doesnt even like himself that way necessarrily..BUT it doesnt bother him enough to fix it..and he doesnt need to worry about impressing me..so its not a concern all that much..

But if he was LOOKING for a mate..seems he would hop on a treadmill and whip into shape..

Dallas

 

[FaithPrevails]

But if he was LOOKING for a mate..seems he would hop on a treadmill and whip into shape..

Dallas

Well, at least you know the warning sign to look for if he ever decides to cheat or leave you. lol

 

[omegadk1]

Sure we do. Isnt being told that we dont get the message....getting the message? Because Ive been hearing that for 40 years...that we men "dont get the message".

I believe we get somewhat of a message, but not to the same degree as women when it comes to beauty. How many men's stores do you see in a mall? How many men's beauty shops (handsome shops). It's a lot less. Our message seems to be different. We provide, we are strong, we are financially successful - the prince - and, we always get the pretty girl.

 

[Conservativation]

I believe we get somewhat of a message, but not to the same degree as women when it comes to beauty. How many men's stores do you see in a mall? How many men's beauty shops (handsome shops). It's a lot less. Our message seems to be different. We provide, we are strong, we are financially successful - the prince - and, we always get the pretty girl.

Im answering you on your linked site

 

[omegadk1]

By the way, one thing I want to clear up, because these things get out of hand sometimes. When I am replying, it is out of interest in others views, not to argue. I have no interest in making others believe what I believe.

I just like talking and listening

 

[Conservativation]

I believe we get somewhat of a message, but not to the same degree as women when it comes to beauty. How many men's stores do you see in a mall? How many men's beauty shops (handsome shops). It's a lot less. Our message seems to be different. We provide, we are strong, we are financially successful - the prince - and, we always get the pretty girl.

a

 

[dallasapple]

Well, at least you know the warning sign to look for if he ever decides to cheat or leave you. lol

I suppose..Well..I'll just make sure that there is aways a hot steaming peach cobbler or a warm gooey batch of fudge brownies or gigantic peanut butter cookies on the stove every night...I think he would pass up sex for those..

Dallas

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I don't think desiring our spouse to be healthy, and then voicing that concern, is a bad thing. Even if the one voicing it is overweight, it doesn't negate the fact that they both need to lose some pounds. My uncle-in-law's wife is incredibly obese. He's not a healthy size either, but she outweighs him by, at least, double his weight. It's not a healthy way to live and, I apologize if this is offensive...but no one should live like that. The Bible says our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that the things we do to our bodies can defile the temple(fornication, inappropriate content, drunkenness, etc.) Living at an unhealthy size(whether obese or super slim) is wrong. Notice please that I said "unhealthy size". There is no universal "healthy" size. My mom is not skinny right now, but she is at a healthy size for her age and body type. So please don't assume I'm saying everyone needs to be a size three.

I know many people who get offended at the idea of their husband potentially being unhappy with their body. In every case that I have seen it hasn't been because the dissatisfied spouse is a nitpicky jerk who can't stand five extra pounds, but rather it's been that the obese spouse is getting to or has reached the point of being very unhealthy and the other spouse is in fear of their health and safety. If the dissatisfied spouse is overweight as well, then they need to lose weight too, but that doesn't mean the other is off the hook either. Being healthy is something I believe we should all strive for, and not just in body weight. There are other aspects of health besides weight. I'm a small person, but I don't eat as healthily as I should. That's not right either.

Another common assumption is that one can't be healthy until they've reached a certain size. But that's not true. A healthy size for me is not going to be a healthy size for someone else. I'm short and petite. My mom, for instance, even when she was young, was never my size. It's not possible. But, she can reach a state of healthiness that still looks just as good as I do, even though she'll never be my size. And she can hide an extra few pounds better than I can. I gain an extra pound and it shows. Grrr.

DH has told me that he will never let me get to the point of being as obese and his aunt. And yes, part of it is because he loves my body and doesn't want to see it ruined. I'm not offended by his statement. In fact, I'm glad he feels that way. Would he still love me if I were obese? Yes he would. Would he be wrong in wanting me to get healthy? No he would not.

I think you are absolutely correct, and I'm glad you clearly pointed out that everyone's "healthy size" is not the same. Mine is considerably larger than the average. I do have more weight to lose, but not as much as a media holding up an impossible beauty standard had brainwashed me to expect. At my healthy weight, I will probably be about a size US 16, which is still "plus." But I have had a body composition test done, and I have learned that it is physically impossible for me to weigh less than 140 pounds. That is what my non-fat bones, muscles, and organs weigh. And a woman needs to have about 20% to 25% body fat, so 170 to 180 would not be unreasonable for me. Yet, any insurance height/weight chart would say I am "obese" at 150. (I am 5'6".)

Currently I am involved in the project of tailoring down my clothes. Since my body is still in transition, I don't want to spend any money on new clothes just yet, so I'm altering the old ones as they start hanging on me. I've also come to the point where my skin has become loose and saggy on me.. Sometimes it bunches up underneath me like a wrinkled sheet when I'm in bed, and I have to adjust my skin to be comfortable. :o I am not doing anything to make myself lose weight, just as I had not been at fault for gaining it. All it took was the right medicine.

How did I get fat? Was I eating more than my body needed? Yes, but not because I was eating compulsively or being a pig. I was overeating because I genuinely, truly felt hunger. This was due to diabetes causing my sugar levels to back up in my blood, rather than getting to my tissues where it was needed. Then because my tissues weren't being supplied with energy, my body would think I was starving and send those hunger signals. I would feel weak and dizzy. My stomach would growl. Sometimes I would feel nauseated, as if I was going to be ill if I didn't eat soon. And of course I would be tired all the time, because my tissues weren't being fed their energy. So, people would remark on how fat and lazy I was, because that's what it looked like to them. I have now come to the conclusion that many people have the cause and effect backwards. It isn't overeating and being obese that causes diabetes. It is diabetes that causes overeating and being obese.

Starting me on the correct type of insulin has eliminated these false hunger signals, and increased my energy by getting my body to use that sugar instead of storing it in my blood. Was I eating too much and exercising too little? Yes, but not by choice. In addition, *when I tried to ignore the hunger signals and just not eat, I did not lose weight.* That's important. I would never have been able to lose weight without medical intervention. So, not that anyone here is doing it, I feel it is wrong to judge an obese person. They might not be able to help it.

 

[dallasapple]

I believe we get somewhat of a message, but not to the same degree as women when it comes to beauty. How many men's stores do you see in a mall? How many men's beauty shops (handsome shops). It's a lot less. Our message seems to be different. We provide, we are strong, we are financially successful - the prince - and, we always get the pretty girl.

I agree...physical beauty is NOT as "crucial' for a man ..not even close as it is for a woman..its a clear double standard and the expectations on women are more and more unreasonable..

Dallas

 

[FaithPrevails]

I suppose..Well..I'll just make sure that there is aways a hot steaming peach cobbler or a warm gooey batch of fudge brownies or gigantic peanut butter cookies on the stove every night...I think he would pass up sex for those..

Dallas

Sounds like my husband - he has a ridiculous sweet tooth. lol

 

[SharonL]

I understand what you are saying..but all you need to say is that obese people over a thin person is discriminated against..

Just like bald men or short men are discriminated against..Aging women and men are...In the workforce..

Im sure an equal amount of fat people versus skinny people smoke and drink and sleep around..as well as are good people.

But the point is..there is no reason ot TEAR down thin people..in order to express the hate and or discrimination against overweight people..

My 3 sons were fat all through childhood and got picked on mercessly..Im as thin as a rail..no need to knock me down..NOR blame there weight problems on genes..in order to express the heartache I had over how cruel people can be and are..

Dallas

OK I give up - I was never putting skinny people down or making excuses for my weight - I was only trying to say how there are two standards.

I agree - there is no one to blame but myself and I never inteded my post to be an excuse - only pointing out the two standards. But maybe it is my lack of self esteem that dreams this up. Believe me I WAS NOT PUTTING ANYONE DOWN. Cheeeezzzze

 

[FaithPrevails]

OK I give up - I was never putting skinny people down or making excuses for my weight - I was only trying to say how there are two standards.

I agree - there is no one to blame but myself and I never inteded my post to be an excuse - only pointing out the two standards. But maybe it is my lack of self esteem that dreams this up. Believe me I WAS NOT PUTTING ANYONE DOWN. Cheeeezzzze

FWIW, I did not get from your first post that you were tearing down thin people - you were simply pointing out that they (along with the "beautiful people" tend to get preferential treatment). I don't take that to mean you hate all thin people or curse them for being thin.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Here is the thing on pregnancy and weight gain..Its COUNTER PRODUCTIVE to gain more than about 25 lbs from pregancy(unless you are underweight to start with)..Period..it makes it harder to give birth..you are also more at risk for things such as life threatening edema and high blood pressure and gestional diabetes..

We are not supposed to gain 60'bs in 40 weeks at any point in our(adult) life..let alone pregnancy..10 lbs xtra..O.k..one too many bowls of ice cream..we can all do it..But Im sorry if I sound "mean" but if you are gaining 40 50 60 lbs in your pregnancy ..then you are eating far too much..and not moving around enough period..its over eating..NOT being pregnant that causes that much weight gain..period..

Honestly, I think it largely depends on the woman and the pregnancy.

In my pregnancy, I gained almost no weight until the last 2 months. I lost weight during the first half of the pregnancy, stayed the same weight until about 32 weeks, then from week 32 to week 39 (the week he was born), I gained 30 pounds (not including the 20 I insta-lost after having my son). My sister finished her first pregnancy weighing 5 pounds less at 9 months pregnant than she was before she was pregnant... She was only 20 or so pounds overweight before she got pregnant and had morning sickness through the whole pregnancy and ate only fortified pops and crackers. The second pregnancy she gained 50 pounds even though she got severely ill again because of some medication she was on that, theoretically, was supposed to prevent morning sickness. A woman I worked with who was very thin got pregnant and the doctors told her they wanted her to gain about 50 pounds during the pregnancy. The wife of a friend who was very petite gained tons of weight when she got pregnant (all 4 times), despite being a vegan who couldn't have gluten or beans due to allergies, because of problems with her kidneys and galllbladder.

There is a general framework for how much one should expect to gain during the pregnancy, but all I heard from multiple doctors in multiple places was it's not how much you gain, but how fast it's gained. Somebody who gains 50 or 60 pounds in steady amounts through the whole of their pregnancy is better off then the person who gains 30 in a month. I was even told that doctors no longer tell people they will gain X pounds or shouldn't gain more than Y pounds, but at what rate the weight should be gained.

 

[dallasapple]

Honestly, I think it largely depends on the woman and the pregnancy.

In my pregnancy, I gained almost no weight until the last 2 months. I lost weight during the first half of the pregnancy, stayed the same weight until about 32 weeks, then from week 32 to week 39 (the week he was born), I gained 30 pounds (not including the 20 I insta-lost after having my son). My sister finished her first pregnancy weighing 5 pounds less at 9 months pregnant than she was before she was pregnant... She was only 20 or so pounds overweight before she got pregnant and had morning sickness through the whole pregnancy and ate only fortified pops and crackers. The second pregnancy she gained 50 pounds even though she got severely ill again because of some medication she was on that, theoretically, was supposed to prevent morning sickness. A woman I worked with who was very thin got pregnant and the doctors told her they wanted her to gain about 50 pounds during the pregnancy. The wife of a friend who was very petite gained tons of weight when she got pregnant (all 4 times), despite being a vegan who couldn't have gluten or beans due to allergies, because of problems with her kidneys and galllbladder.

There is a general framework for how much one should expect to gain during the pregnancy, but all I heard from multiple doctors in multiple places was it's not how much you gain, but how fast it's gained. Somebody who gains 50 or 60 pounds in steady amounts through the whole of their pregnancy is better off then the person who gains 30 in a month. I was even told that doctors no longer tell people they will gain X pounds or shouldn't gain more than Y pounds, but at what rate the weight should be gained.

If someone is underweight when they get pregnant as in they are TOO thin then yes..they will as they should anyway need to gain a little more weight..just like someone who is overwieght depending on where they are starting at shoudnt gain as much as the underweight person I understand that..but a woman at her healthiest weight at onset of pregnancy shoud not end up at the end of the pregnancy gradual or other wise having gained 50 or 60 lbs..

IOW women do not need to or are they suppsed to become OBESE during pregnancy..

And I do agree 30lbs in a month is obviously NOT healthy.for someone pregnant or otherwise..that is massive amount of weight gain and cause for alarm..(Im sure there are exceptions but Im talking starting at a decent weight not someone who has been stranded at see for a month and has only eaten a jellyfish a day )..

And losing a little weight at the beginning is also normal..there actualy isnt any reason to be gaining a lot then anyway..

here is an article..the recomended weight.doesnt go beyond 40 lbs just in this one article and thats for a woman with a low BMI to start with.

But its averging for all women it sounds like to gain 25 to 30 lbs..not 50 or 60lbs..

I dont care either way if someone chooses to gain that much or more..I've heard of women gaining 100lbs in one pregnancy..(for a single birth)..but I dont like the myth that its the pregnancy that causes a woman to become fat ..It can cause OTHER bodily changes..but after pregnancy ..yeah 10 or 15 lbs on you ..thats your boobs xtra blood volume and all that water and stuff..but not 25 or 30 lbs..or more..I just dont think its doing women any favors..pretending that pregnancy causes obesity..

How Much Weight Should I Gain During Pregnancy?

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

I have now come to the conclusion that many people have the cause and effect backwards. It isn't overeating and being obese that causes diabetes. It is diabetes that causes overeating and being obese.

Well its not just people..its the doctors that have it backwards then..the medical community has established that overeating eating POORLY high fat hidh sugar diet can CUASE type 2 diabetes..SURE some unlucky people eat only ehalthy foods and are in tip top shape and still get diabetes..that is NOT the typcial diabetes victim though.

My husbands doctor flat out told him he was going into diabetic SHOCK by the time he was diagnosed..to take this medication to get his levels under control immediately..in the meantime start eating healthy and excersize and yes..lose weight..and that if he WANTED to ..he could possibly get off the medications and try to control his diabetes and possibly if he was fortunate REVERSE his conditon and become a "non diabetic'..

If eating poorly and being over weight doesnt CAUSE diabetes(type 2) why would his doctor suggest that losing weight..eating right and excersize was a possible cure?

Having said that.YES at first my husbands part of his symptoms was EXCESSIVE thirst and urination and blurred vision ...and once he started the meds and trying to eat right untill his blood sugar levels "leveld" to where they werent shooting up and down he was HUNGRY all the time..he never felt full..

Now that has corrected..as well as his vision ..his fasting blood sugar when he was diagnosed was 400...

Dallas

 

[JaneFW]

Well its not just people..its the doctors that have it backwards then..the medical community has established that overeating eating POORLY high fat hidh sugar diet can CUASE type 2 diabetes..SURE some unlucky people eat only ehalthy foods and are in tip top shape and still get diabetes..that is NOT the typcial diabetes victim though.
Dallas

Yes, you are right.

Diabetes is a number of diseases that involve problems with the hormone insulin. While not everyone with type 2 diabetes is overweight, obesity and lack of physical activity are two of the most common causes of this form of diabetes. It is also responsible for nearly 95% of diabetes cases in the United States, according to the CDC.

From WebMD

 

[JaneFW]

Sure we do. Isnt being told that we dont get the message....getting the message? Because Ive been hearing that for 40 years...that we men "dont get the message".

You've been hearing that since you were *8*?

 

[dallasapple]

OK I give up - I was never putting skinny people down or making excuses for my weight - I was only trying to say how there are two standards.

I agree - there is no one to blame but myself and I never inteded my post to be an excuse - only pointing out the two standards. But maybe it is my lack of self esteem that dreams this up. Believe me I WAS NOT PUTTING ANYONE DOWN. Cheeeezzzze

It is such a shame that weight is the measure by which we decide if a person is successful or not. People's genes do enter into it - Our whole family is heavy back many generations, we are decent hard working people. I have friends whose whole family is thin generations back, they all sleep around, drink, married several times and when they get together it is not a pretty picture, but guess who has more respect? Right - the skinny crowd.

O.K here is where I got scrambled and I said the wrong thing..Sorry..

Rereading this what you said..I disgree..that thin people are getting respect because they are thin..that you make out to sound like rotten acting people..

I think I got caught up in your description but its the exageration looking at this I do not agree with..that the thin heathens gets "more respect" than a fat person who is behvign respectably...

What Im saying is all else beign EQUAL..I think an overweight person is goign to be forwned upon or respected less ..simply because they are fat.

If you take an over weight persn and a thin person..say same age same height same gender and give no further info..and ask someone who would you pick to be your neighbor..the thin person woudl probably be favored just based on that..

But if you said O.K the fat person he is a college graduate..with a good job..he is married to the love of his life of 20 years they are faithful to one another with 2 kids whom make good grades in school..they are 'clean livign" dont smoke dont drink or do drugs..

Then you say ..the thin person..is a drop out..on his 3rd marraige and currently cheating on her..out of work..smokes 2 packs a day and gets drunk regualry..has 2 kids that are in trouble all the time with the law for smoking pot and growing weed..

Now who would you rather be your neighbor..the weight wouldnt factor in anymore let alone let alone the thin person be chosen based on the fact they are thin..

IOW Im agreeing there is discrimination ...but you carried it to an extreme I dont agree with..

Dallas

 

[Tropical Wilds]

If someone is underweight when they get pregnant as in they are TOO thin then yes..they will as they should anyway need to gain a little more weight..just like someone who is overwieght depending on where they are starting at shoudnt gain as much as the underweight person I understand that..but a woman at her healthiest weight at onset of pregnancy shoud not end up at the end of the pregnancy gradual or other wise having gained 50 or 60 lbs..

IOW women do not need to or are they suppsed to become OBESE during pregnancy..

And I do agree 30lbs in a month is obviously NOT healthy.for someone pregnant or otherwise..that is massive amount of weight gain and cause for alarm..(Im sure there are exceptions but Im talking starting at a decent weight not someone who has been stranded at see for a month and has only eaten a jellyfish a day )..

And losing a little weight at the beginning is also normal..there actualy isnt any reason to be gaining a lot then anyway..

here is an article..the recomended weight.doesnt go beyond 40 lbs just in this one article and thats for a woman with a low BMI to start with.

But its averging for all women it sounds like to gain 25 to 30 lbs..not 50 or 60lbs..

I dont care either way if someone chooses to gain that much or more..I've heard of women gaining 100lbs in one pregnancy..(for a single birth)..but I dont like the myth that its the pregnancy that causes a woman to become fat ..It can cause OTHER bodily changes..but after pregnancy ..yeah 10 or 15 lbs on you ..thats your boobs xtra blood volume and all that water and stuff..but not 25 or 30 lbs..or more..I just dont think its doing women any favors..pretending that pregnancy causes obesity..

How Much Weight Should I Gain During Pregnancy?

Dallas

There is an average for what women gain, however that said, when I was pregnant all the doctors realized and said quite often that the number you see on the scale is not telling the whole story about the health the way with how you gain weight does. If you gain weight too quickly or too slowly it could be a sign of problems, but the number you see may or may not be a sign of anything.

For example, all told, just before I had my son, I was 40 or 50 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. I was on so many meds and having so many problems that my weight went through the roof, though my overall size and measurements were right on track, right where they should have been, and according to the measurements I was totally healthy and fine. When I had my son, the day I'd left the hospital I was down 15, by the end of the week 20. I wasn't dieting, that was my body returning to normal. And since at the end of my pregnancy I was told to have a high carb, high fiber, high protein diet, and restrict exercise, when I went back to my normal diet, the weight fell off and I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

When it comes to overall health, the numbers on the scale only tell half the story anyway. People obsess about them and think that they are thinner, therefore healthier, but it's not the case. Repeated studies have shown that it's not pounds, but inches, that matter. Even simple exercise like walking can bump your weight up by 5 pounds, yet you're losing inches and getting healthier.

 

[d4deborah]

well i guess i would like to be a bit slimmer. I always thought that my ex liked it, or so he told me.. until the day he told me that he had fallen in love with another woman because she was slimmer. Now that hurt at the time, but time heals